


Zero Context: Taking Out the Trash

by CurtisWildcat



Series: Zero Context [1]
Category: Demashitaa! Powerpuff Girls Z, Original Work, Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Slayers (Anime & Manga), 新・光神話 パルテナの鏡 | Kid Icarus: Uprising (Video Game)
Genre: Angry Parent, Anthro, Anthro / Alien, Background Music, Based on a Role Playing Group, Cats being sneaky, Clones, Crossover, Evil Child, F/M, Fantasy, Female-Centric, Gender or Sex Swap, Giant Enemy Crab, Hulkbuster Ripoff, Learn As You Go, Maid Corps, Modern Fantasy, Multiple Universe, Mutant Hybrid Pokemorph, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Outside Context Problem, Pony as a harpy, Randomness, Sci-fi/fantasy, Sleazy Male Character, Stoic Character, Superpowers, Walking Shout-Outs, Wedding Crash, sensitive topics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:54:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 56,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27736435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CurtisWildcat/pseuds/CurtisWildcat
Summary: A human/mutant/alien Pokemorph ex-superhero shopaholic, a black Maine Coon cat who gets his jollies from scaring people, the cat's overly stoic human daughter, a socialite alien fox, the fox's fight-happy alien wolf friend, the shopaholic's evil child double, an overly conservative maid with emotional issues, and the Goddess of Nature team up to save the maid's boss from getting married to someone who is essentially "Evil Tony Stark" in all but name.Yeah, it's that kind of story. But in a land where the impossible is possible, zero context is good context. Brace yourselves, readers: it's a weird world you're traveling to.Vaguely inspired by the 'Ice Hunters' chapters of Xomniac and the Cross-Brain's One Piece fanfic "This Bites!". Any story notes will be compiled into the final chapter, so if you have any questions (and you most likely will), please be patient.
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Male Character
Series: Zero Context [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2170677
Kudos: 3





	1. Ch. 1: Laidback Emergency Meeting

_Location:_ In the skies above Muffinville  
 _Time/Date:_ January 13, 2020, 8:15a.m.  
  
On some level, [Callista Wilson-Metallium always did like being stuck in a routine.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xjs0zla7n94) Wake up, eat breakfast, go shopping, eat lunch, wander the city at random, go home, eat dinner, and either watch sports events, browse YouTube or play video games until it was time to get ready for bed. Granted there were a few wrinkles in that routine---the odd PFL match, her communications with her friends, her weekend trips back to her homeworld, the completely random deaths and regenerations, the plethora of superpowers waiting in the wings---but on the whole, she'd gotten what she'd longed for for decades: a peaceful and quiet life.  
  
 _Though there are limits to that. There's such a thing as being too quiet, after all._  
  
As Callista's Pyro-GX traveled to her base of operations for this universe, she pondered what the 'quiet' life meant for Muffinville. The city was essentially a collection of worlds combined into one location across a thousand square miles and multiple dimensional sub-levels, with countless millions from all walks of life and all sorts of realities walking its streets. Name anything, and you could find it there. A resurrected and restored Egyptian mummy working as a bank teller? Sure enough, there one was. A millenia-old phoenix lady with her own construction business? That's her, dozing on a park bench. A hundred curses in existence since time immemorial coalescing into a human form? There it is, signing up for ballet lessons while eating Skittles.  
  
But even in what was effectively one of the melting pots of the multiverse, there were those who made life in general... interesting. Whether they were causing problems, fixing them or getting caught up in them, there was no shortage of activity. Transformations, with magic being the root cause, were the order of the day. "The only constant is change" was Muffinville's slogan, and its permanent residents took pride in that fact; only one out of 1,300 managed to keep their birth species, basic appearance, _and_ gender completely intact for their entire lives.  
  
And due to most of those involved moving on with their lives or taking off for parts unknown, that rambunctious activity had sharply died down. There was still no shortage of oddballs, of course, but the more active and/or notorious of them were no longer around. Some had left before Callista had ever arrived on the scene, granted, but some had lingered for a while after. It was those people that she missed, because for better or worse they made life entertaining.  
  
Callista's mind continued to wander even as her ship flew past Muffinville's city limits, heading some miles away. For decades, she had served as the leader of an interdimensional peacekeeping force of her own creation: the Super-Cats' Infinite Defense. Shortly after she first arrived on the continent, she got the idea from someone of creating a "safe zone" where violence and involuntary transformations were completely forbidden, giving those who didn't want them a break.  
  
Calling in some favors, she had an _Eclipse_ -class Star Dreadnaught partially submerged, allowed an associate to claim most of its weaponry for himself, had the engines removed and the back end sealed off, convinced a powerful chaos deity to ward the ship as needed, and converted the ship's bridge into a restaurant and arcade. Over time, the _Mungojerrie_ became one of the most heavily-visited locales not located in Muffinville proper, and Callista continued to use it as her base of operations for this universe.  
  
 _It's pretty much the only place on this planet where I'm guaranteed a break,_ she groused mentally, feeling a headache starting to set in as the desire to go shopping grew. _Just because the heavy hitters are gone doesn't mean I'm not prone to dying in unlikely ways._  
  
Callista broke out of her thoughts long enough to note that she'd reached her destination. Bringing the ship to a stop in mid-air, she carefully lowered it into a parking space reserved specifically for herself. _There we go,_ she said to herself, shutting off the ship and opening the hatch. _Now, let's see which department store I haven't victimized in a while---_  
  
A thump as something perched on the front of the ship. "Yoo-hoo! You've got mail!"  
  
Callista looked up, her musings interrupted as a large envelope was placed in her hand. "Thanks, Mrs. Hooves, but I was under the impression that your vacation started today."  
  
Mrs. Hooves, who was essentially a gray-feathered harpy with blonde hair and crossed eyes, shook her head. "Turns out it wasn't until next week. Guess I was a little bit too eager to show my friends and family back home the new me..."  
  
"Eh, I'm sure you'll get your chance," Callista commented. "This everything? No junk mail or anything like that?"  
  
"That's it. Have a good morning, Calli, and good luck in your next match!" Mrs. Hooves waved before taking to the skies, making the overly-stuffed mailbag she was carrying look weightless.  
  
Callista chuckled and climbed out of the ship. _Once upon a time, I would've thought fictional ponies turning into human-esque harpies would be strange. Now it's just another day in the life._  
  
...  
  
After Callista got herself situated in her suite and prepared for her daily shopping raid, she gave the envelope a lookover. "No return address," she muttered to herself. "But it was intended for me specifically right at this location, as opposed to my home universe or my Spamville apartments... any thoughts, Kaoru?"  
  
\--"Not a one,"-- replied the familiar voice in her head. --"But you might as well look at it. Even if it's malevolent, this is the sort of thing the ship's wards were designed to repel."--  
  
Callista shrugged. "True, that," she uttered, tearing open the envelope.  
  
The card inside it was beautifully decorated with images of ivy and flowers around the edges, a bird clutching a ribbon in its talons at the top, and the words 'Please Join Us' etched in cursive in the middle. Eyebrows raised, Callista opened the card to view its contents...  
  
/--------  
  
 _You Are Cordially Invited To_  
 _The Wedding and Reception Of_  
  
 _Marc and Circe Maddhouse_  
  
 _ **Date:** February 22, 2020, 3:00p.m._  
 _ **Location:** North Maddhouse Recreation Center #2, Conference Room #1, Muffinville_  
  
 _Please RSVP by February 5th, 11:59:59p.m, at [number redacted]. Gifts are welcomed, but not required._  
  
 _We hope to see you there!_  
  
\--------/  
  
"..." Callista's blood chilled, and for a few moments she tried to convince herself that the person referred to in the card wasn't who she was thinking of. "It's not like she's the only 'Circe' in Muffinville, just the most well-known," she stated. "There's that small-time computer programmer, or the furniture saleslady..."  
  
\--"Maybe it was from one of your diehard fans? From someone who watches you fight in the PFL, maybe?"-- Kaoru suggested, though it was clear she wasn't too sure herself. --"Not like it's the first time this has happened..."--  
  
"As good a guess as any." Callista started to breathe a little easier. On a lark, she closed the card and turned it over to see if there was anything on the back. "If that's the case, then I'll just turn them dow---"

Embossed on the back of the card was a stylized letter 'C', given a blue, yellow and orange gradient effect. The both of them recognized the emblem immediately. "Doris Sturm's helmet logo," Callista murmured, eyes widening. "She must've designed the card herself, but that means---"  
  
\--"CALL!"-- Kaoru urged at the top of her mental voice. --"CALL CALL CALL _NOW NOW NOW!"--_  
  
Callista slammed the invitation onto her table and picked up her phone--not her smartphone, but the landline phone she kept around as a backup. Entering the number she was given, she stood back and waited.  
  
Finally, a click. _"Hello and welcome to Circe's Manor, this is Willow. How may I direct your call?"_  
  
"No need for that," Callista snarled through her teeth. "Tell the bride-to-be that I'll be at the ceremony. With _all the bells in the ever-loving world_ on." Without waiting for the secretary to confirm, she slammed the phone back into the receiver with enough force to rattle the wall.  
  
No sooner than she did that, her smartphone immediately started blaring 'Monster Dance'. Callista promptly answered the call, blood still boiling. "Yes, Ambush Cat, I'm perfectly aware."  
  
 _"Got an invitation too, huh? Wonder what's going on over there,"_ Ambush drawled in an obviously fake Southern accent. _"I'm assuming we're going to sabotage the wedding?"_  
  
"I thought _I_ was supposed to be the telepath," Callista admitted with a chuckle as she put a temporary rein on her temper--only to be interrupted by 'Believe in Wonderland'. She fiddled with her phone for a few moments. "Hold on a sec. I have to set up a conference call... ... _anddd_ there."  
  
 ** _"CIRCE'S GETTING MARRIED?!"_ **Aldonza Karate shrieked, forcing Callista to keep her phone at arm's length. **_"TO THAT SLEAZEBALL?!"_**  
  
 _"Try being a little louder,"_ someone complained in the background, an 8-bit video game faintly audible. _"Princess Zelda hasn't woken up yet."_  
  
 _"Sorry, Mini-Lina,"_ Aldonza apologized contritely before getting back to business. _"But in all seriousness, what's with all this suddenly? This is entirely out of character for her."_  
  
Fast-paced techno lit the air before it was abruptly silenced, signalling another addition to the conference. _"Not to mention it's the exact opposite of her stated preference,"_ Zapana Zquor said as she joined in. _"Anyone else here thinking that something's messing with her mind?"_  
  
Another short song, this one vaguely dangerous in nature. _"It's Muffinville,"_ Missy Coco cut in, childish voice reeking with arrogance. _"Could be anything. Could be an alien parasite on drugs, for all we know."_  
  
 _"...You know, I wasn't convinced before, but now I am. You received an invitation, too?"_ Ambush asked in his normal voice, for once on the receiving end of a surprise. _"Last I heard, you were on business relations with her and nothing more."_  
  
Those listening could hear Missy rolling her eyes. _"Trust me, I'm just as shocked as all of you. Figured you'd be talking about it, so I dialed in."_  
  
More music as some nearly-quiet smooth jazz rolled past their hearing. _"...Would this be a bad time to ask everyone why this invitation landed on my desk out of nowhere? I'm not even **in** the Muffinverse right now."_  
  
 _"ELLEN?!"_ Ambush's voice did a 180, switching from a male feline snarker to a female human mother. _"Why are you calling?! You're supposed to be at school!"_  
  
 _"...I **am** at school,"_ the soft-spoken bibliophile informed her. _"...In-between classes. And that doesn't answer my question."_  
  
"Strange things are afoot in the multiverse, kid," Callista groused. "Is your brother Pepsi Man at the moment?"  
  
 _"And for the life of me I still can't believe that's a valid question,"_ Zapana muttered, getting chuckles from the rest of the conference.  
  
 _"... ...No, thank Stacy,"_ Ellen muttered, ignoring the peanut gallery. _"...What's the plan?"_  
  
"For now, just grab some soda pop from the vending machine and get it over to Elk. In-between his usual chaos and the school closing early for repairs, you shouldn't have problems getting to the portal and making the rendezvous at the _Mungojerrie."_  
  
 _"Brainstorming session, I'm guessing?"_ Aldonza asked.  
  
"Yes. Everyone, I want us to meet up at the restaurant's VIP area by 11:30a.m., local time. Get lunch there if you have to, but do try to get to the meeting on time, alright? That'll give you enough time to get there, and _me_ enough time to quell my bargain-hunting urges."  
  
One by one, everyone gave their agreements---  
  
More music, this time sounding the slightest bit mysterious with a bit of hope. Aside from Ellen, everyone's emotions spiked. "Oh, _**come on!"**_ Callista complained, her feelings echoed across the conference by facepalms or growling.  
  
...  
  
In her quarters at Circe's Manor, Claire de Loon regarded her phone with bemusement. "Am I... missing something?"  
  
/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/  
  
Time: 11:30a.m.  
Location: The Mungojerrie VIP Party Room  
  
The ship's VIP area was normally reserved for catered parties planned well in advance. Given what Callista had gathered everyone together for, she figured [this didn't come anywhere close to qualifying.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5zvDo6vcY0)  
  
Everyone who had been on the conference call was present:  
  
Callista herself, the shopaholic and retired fleet commander. She'd be the first to admit that being the adopted child of a powerful mazoku had made her the slightest bit insane.  
  
Ambush Cat, the multiverse-walking black Maine Coon and proud human mother who swapped identities and forms as easily as he breathed. If he wanted to go somewhere, or scare someone for kicks, there was no stopping her.  
  
Aldonza, the mixed-breed fox caninoid to whom 'boredom' was an alien concept. The airways were her highway, and she had no shortage of connections around the world she called home.  
  
Zapana, the middle-aged wolf caninoid who loved fights and fire almost as much as she loved her music. Compared to her fierce and bitter temperament as a child, the former super-soldier was incredibly mellow.  
  
Missy Coco Shanelle, Callista's dark-minded child double and head-by-proxy of the rabble-rousing Brotherhood. The fact she was present at all would've been a source of worry for almost anyone, given her track record for chaos, but these were far from normal people.  
  
And finally, Ellen Harrison, Ambush's notoriously emotionless daughter and the one most likely to keep her cool under stress. Callista had a hunch that she was going to be the room's only voice of reason, since almost everyone present was very strong-willed, quirky, or both.  
  
There were several unexpected additions to the gathering, of course. First off, Claire was one of Circe's maids, and a fiercely loyal one at that. She claimed when she called that she had a legitimate grievance, but Callista figured they'd handle it at the meeting instead of discussing it over the phone.  
  
The other was especially surprising. The resurrected Viridi, familiar to players of the _Kid Icarus_ series as the Goddess of Nature, had walked in right before the meeting started and claimed one of the seats as if she owned the place. She gave everyone aside from Ellen an angry glare, though the one she gave Missy could've evaporated the nearest ocean. Callista silently hoped they could keep their animosity to themselves until the meeting was over, if only because the ship's wards wouldn't have stood for their violent bickering.  
  
Lunch was just wrapping up as Callista called the meeting to order; she noticed Zapana finishing the last of her venison burger as she spoke. "Alright, one and all. You already know why I've called all of you here--most of you, I mean." She gestured to Viridi. "Why in Michigan are you here? This doesn't have anything to do with you."  
  
"Like blazes it doesn't," Viridi replied, shaking her head. "You're planning on eviscerating Marc Maddhouse for his travesties, right? I want in."  
  
Ellen clasped her hands on the table. "...I'm guessing they took the term 'flower girl' literally?"  
  
"Well yes, I admit I'm a natural choice for the role, but still!" Viridi slammed her fists on the table. "That's not my problem. The problem is that Maddhouse is a perfect example of everything that is wrong with humanity, and I want him _gone!"_  
  
"'Dead... or insane'," Aldonza quoted, voice dropping to an eerie whisper. "'Or perhaps one, then the other...?'"  
  
Viridi blinked. "I don't know whether to be creeped out or not, but that impersonation was spot-on. Have you been playing her game recently?"  
  
Aldonza shrugged and smiled. "What can I say? I've been on a horror binge."  
  
"Okay, cutting off that train of thought before it gets too Seinfeldian," Callista interrupted sharply, shivering. "Ignoring the fact that no one of importance in Muffinville ever stays dead from non-natural causes for very long... Claire, what about you? What's your issue?"  
  
"The issue is that I want to see this marriage dissolved just as much as you do." Though Claire didn't exactly _plead_ , enough anxiety crept past her decorum to indicate the depth of her emotions at that point. "But my hands are tied. Given her overall lack of relatives in this world aside from..." She paused, trying to find the word she wanted. "What's Ookalf's relation to Lady Circe?"  
  
"I've always just thought of him as her older brother," Zapana stated after a moment. "The truth is more complicated, but the truth gives me a headache just thinking about it, and it's outside the scope of this meeting anyway."  
  
"Is this some bizarre application of Occam's Razor I'm not familiar with?" Missy asked with a smirk.  
  
Zapana pointed at the little criminal mastermind in confirmation. "Bingo."  
  
"...And here I was just trying to get a rise out of you," Missy complained, slumping a little in her seat. "You're no fun."  
  
"R...Right," Claire continued. "Anyway, as I was saying, Ookalf is Lady Circe's only real relative in this world, discounting the Muffin Continent's penchant for magic-centric trouble. As such is true, I've been handpicked to serve as one of her bridesmaids."  
  
A chorus of 'Oohs' echoed through the room. "Guessing you have no idea what a bridesmaid is supposed to do beyond stand around and look pretty?" Callista said, feeling that they were in the same boat considering their respective pasts. She'd never been part of a wedding party before, so how could someone derived from her be expected to know?  
  
...Well, technically she _had_ been part of a wedding party before, but that was in a whole other time and place.  
  
Claire's nod confirmed that. "I checked online, but there are some parts of it that aren't very clear. And considering that we want to spoil the entire event..."  
  
"I can't offer anything," Zapana admitted, shaking her head. "My homeland didn't follow the same customs, and I've never been able to pick up any of the details involved since I arrived on Earth. It's just never interested me."  
  
Ellen didn't say anything, letting that by itself speak for her. Missy and Viridi likewise shook their heads.  
  
"My cousin Dulcinea still works part-time on Circe's staff, and she was one of the bridesmaids at my wedding," Aldonza suggested. "Talk to her when you get the chance. Maybe she has some advice. Who's the maid of honor? Do you know yet?"  
  
Claire frowned. "Not yet, no. I'll find that out."  
  
"What I'm curious about is this Marc Maddhouse guy. Who's this oddball, and why is everyone dead-set on hating him?" Zapana asked.  
  
A disbelieving Viridi gave her a strange look. "You've seriously never heard of him?"  
  
"Unlike everyone else here, I don't turn up in the Villes often unless it involves cleaning up Callista's rampages or having the odd fight with Aldonza-chan." Zapana examined her claws lazily. "I'm not required to know the ins and outs of Muffinville's worst and darkest. Only reason I'm even asking about him is because I heard Aldonza calling him a sleazeball seven miles away."  
  
 _"Seven_ miles? Isn't that outside your range?"  
  
"If people are _whispering,_ Viridi, yes." Zapana tapped her left ear for emphasis. "But if people are _noisy_ , my range expands greatly. If Callista were to try singing Celine Dion right now, for example, I could travel to the farthest point on the ship and still need to seek medical attention."  
  
A blushing Callista chucked a crumpled McDonalds wrapper at Zapana's head, missing by a few inches. "Oh, just stow it already. We're getting off-topic again."  
  
Ambush picked that moment to speak, a rotating satellite dish sticking out the top of his head for no discernible reason. "To answer Zappy's question, Marc Maddhouse--as my pseudo-daughter stated---" He ignored the glare Viridi fixed him with. "---embodies all of humanity's worst traits. He gives that Tarukane creep from _Yu Yu Hakusho_ a run for his money (or lack thereof) in sheer ugliness, and he's proud of it. He's lied, stolen, and cheated his way to the top of a corporate empire that matches the Brotherhood for sheer resourcefulness..."  
  
"No small wonder that I wouldn't mind seeing him crash and burn," Missy hissed, her hair temporarily taking on a darker hue as she spoke. A plushie of herself popped up over her shoulder, nodding sagely in agreement.  
  
"...he lures in potential employees with large salaries, then uses blackmail to keep them in line..."  
  
Ellen withdrew a playing card from her holster; a cursory glance at the girl's thoughts told Callista that it was the King of Spades. "...A waste of paper."  
  
"...thinks nothing of wrecking ecological havoc for financial gain..."  
  
Viridi's face turned a bright red, but she was able to resist the urge to scream angrily.  
  
"...has the old-fashioned 'stay in the kitchen' perspective when it comes to women and treats them like flash drives..."  
  
Claire didn't have the Goddess of Nature's self-control, jumping out of her chair and slamming her fists onto the table. _**"I will reduce his bones to TOOTHPICKS!"**_ she screeched, hair turning jet black in a flash.  
  
 _"Down,"_ Callista warned, reaching over and gently pushing the maid back into her seat. It was clear that she wasn't doing much better, though, as she'd shifted to her Delcatty-based hybrid form out of sheer revulsion. In her subconscious, she could hear Kaoru giving her hammer some test swings.  
  
"...looks down on the hard work of his employees, seeing them strictly as a means to an end..."  
  
Aldonza's eyes glowed a soft green.  
  
"...is perfectly alright with experimenting on others for grins..."  
  
Zapana's fists slammed together, a flash of purple fire manifesting on contact.  
  
"...and owns the world's largest collection of easy-listening music."  
  
Everyone stared at Ambush in confusion, their anger temporarily forgotten. "(...)What does _that_ have to do with anything?" they chorused, though Ellen's standard hesitation prevented it from being completely simultaneous.  
  
Ambush shrugged, the satellite dish retracting back into his head. "Nothing. I just felt like throwing it out there."  
  
Most everyone present sagged in their seats at this, while Missy flat-out facefaulted. "I noticed you didn't list any grievance that would earn your wrath," Aldonza commented as she sat up straight. "Why?"  
  
One of Ambush's eyebrows raised; it promptly vacated his face and [vanished through the ceiling while yodeling](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nn9q2WJUPA). "I most certainly did. Weren't you paying attention?"  
  
"Which one was it?"  
  
"His ugliness," Ambush confirmed, ignoring the weird looks he got from everyone in reply. "All that other stuff is awful, sure, but my beef with him is that he's ugly. Looks like a raisin subjected itself to reverse-wrinkle cream."  
  
"Reminds me more of a mutated Stunfisk," Aldonza complained. "Uggh."  
  
"Or an entirely glitched-up 'Team Fortress 2' mod," Claire piped up, her hair back to its normal teal-silver.  
  
"Or the illegitimate love-child of Deadpool and Cruella de Vil," Missy uttered.  
  
"Or two houseflies mating," Viridi added.  
  
"Or the antagonist of _It_ during the climax of _Raiders of the Lost Ark?"_ Zapana tentatively suggested.  
  
Viridi nodded approvingly. "See? You're getting it."  
  
Callista, who had shifted back to human form, gave Ellen a pleading look as everyone else traded increasingly absurd comparisons. "I can't take this anymore. Mind arbitrating this meeting in my stead?" she all but begged.  
  
Ellen sighed softly, but nodded. "...Go ahead and lay down. I'll send you the minutes later."  
  
Upon hearing her confirmation, Callista wasted no time in vacating her seat and fleeing the room towards her suite, feeling violently sick the whole way. The final comparison she heard as the door slammed shut behind her, comparing Marc to a fusion of Quasimodo and a half-melted Wicked Witch of the West, didn't help her mood any.  
  
\--"Or Cthulu's pet Sharpei."--  
  
 _"SHUT UP, KAORU!"_


	2. Ch. 2: Of Go-Karting and Clandestine Planning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some don't care one way or the other. Others don't act so negligent. Either way, it's another day in the life.

_Time:_ 2:19p.m., January 13, 2020  
_Location:_ Callista's suite, _Mungojerrie_ residential area

\--"Oi... Hey, Callista. Wake up."--  
  
Callista opened her eyes as Kaoru's voice yanked her out of a sound sleep. She groaned, still feeling queasy as she sat up, and glanced at the nearest clock. "Lovely," she growled to herself. "And death is still warmed over. Why'd you wake me up?"  
  
\--"Heard the mail slot opening. I'm guessing the meeting's over and Ellen's dropping off the minutes, so let's go and grab 'em."--  
  
"Mmmf," Callista mumbled intelligibly, collapsing back onto the bed. "Give me another twenty minutes, and not the paper vari---"  
  
Callista's body abruptly blurred out of visibility as Kaoru shunted her over to her subconscious, assuming control while changing her appearance to match. "Up and at 'em, you big baby," the former Powerpuff Girls Z member grumbled as she got out of bed, not feeling any of the same queasiness that her host had been experiencing. "That whole meeting reeked of importance that _you_ gave it. You don't get to weasel out of it."  
  
More disconcerted mumbling. --"...Fine, whatever. Just go and get the stupid minutes."--  
  
Kaoru put words to action, retrieving the paper where it had been left. Sitting down in the living room, she unfolded it [and started to read](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuwMv2xzPiM&feature=youtu.be&t=440), starting from after Callista had departed.  
  
/------------/  
  
**11:40a.m.:** ...The one-upmanship of ugliness ended with Missy the winner. Conversation shifted over to a discussion about the timing of the group's intervention. Group tried to figure out whether to strike well in advance of the wedding, thus rendering it null and void, or wait and get involved on the day of the event. Claire, Missy and Lady Viridi were in favor of the former, while Mom, Aldonza and Zapana were in favor of the latter.  
  
...As such, it was left up to me to cast the deciding vote. Weighing all the pros and cons, I decided it would be best to wait until the day of the wedding before bringing all of our resources to bear. If we struck beforehand, there would be nothing stopping the prospective bride and groom from simply rescheduling the wedding for another day and giving themselves time to recover. Some disappointed complaints from those not affiliated with the Infinite Defense, but eventually all agreed.  
  
**12:05p.m.** ...Impromptu silliness break. Aldonza lost a battle in Pokémon Sword to Viridi, 6-4, while everyone else gave the situation the MST3K treatment. I settled for wondering to myself why I got school cancelled for the sake of something like this.  
  
**12:23p.m.** ...On the advice of Aldonza, Claire decided to get in contact with Circe's part-timer Dulcinea to inquire about the duties of a bridesmaid right then and there. Following that, she called her co-workers at the Manor to find out who the maid of honor is supposed to be. It was discovered that due to the sheer number of maids whose loyalty and dedication to Circe had become top-notch over the years, the bride-to-be decided to just pick a name out of hat. As such, the fish-woman Melanie was chosen.  
  
**12:50p.m.** ...Mom stated that she needed to bring her Shadow Gang up to speed and prepare them for a long-term mission, leaving the meeting early. Missy and Viridi got into an argument concerning whether or not it was viable to have a loose cannon like Mom doing her own thing, but I was able to calm them down by stating that if _I_ trusted her to do what was right at the appropriate time, then so should they.  
  
**1:00p.m.** ... ... ...Doris Sturm called us to make a correction: the fish-woman's name was _Madison_ , not Melanie. Cue much laughing and groaning from the peanut gallery.  
  
**1:02p.m.** ...Everyone present gave the duties of a bridesmaid some thought. Zapana suggested that Claire should get as involved with the wedding preparations as possible, under the excuse of proving that not being the maid of honor was not an excuse to slack off. In that event, she'd be able to find an excuse to get those at the meeting as close to the couple as possible at the ceremony.  
  
...Of those present, you, Aldonza, Mom, Missy and I were invited as guests. Viridi is, as stated earlier, the designated flower girl. Zapana never received an invitation at all, most likely to avoid any of her group hugs. While the situation seems somewhat suspicious, all of us were in agreement that whatever happens, we would make the wedding party as a whole regret letting us know about the ceremony. That means pushing things as far as we can without them pushing back.  
  
**1:25p.m.** ...Viridi motioned to adjourn the meeting, with the promise that we'd stay in contact if anything changed. Aldonza seconded, and there was a unanimous agreement.  
  
**1:26p.m.** ...Meeting adjourned.  
  
**1:29p.m.** ...This isn't part of the meeting proper, but Missy and Viridi got into a fistfight almost immediately after leaving the ship. With allies like these, we don't need enemies.  
  
/------------/  
  
Kaoru put the minutes down and shook her head. "As long as I live, I'll never understand why your faction is so laid-back and casual about having admitted villains and advocates of genocide sitting in the same room as you."  
  
\--"No need for animosity if it's not the topic of the day,"-- Callista weakly responded. --"If they're actively doing those things at the time, then of course we'd go after them. But if they're just there to hang out and/or we're on the same side, then don't bother ruining a good day."--  
  
"Still strange," Kaoru said with a slight shake of her head. "I know I would've been suspicious and angry if Mojo or the Gangrene Gang showed up at my house just to hang out."  
  
A few seconds passed, during which Kaoru got the impression Callista was smiling. --"I like to think we're masters at figuring out whether to drop Bowser into the lava or just go-kart with him somewhere."--  
  
"...Forget I said anything. So I'm guessing for the time being, the situation's in Claire's hands?"  
  
\--"Ugh... yeah, pretty much. Not much we can do for now but keep our eyes and ears open for updates and changes. Trust Claire to do what she needs to do, trust Ambush not to get into _too_ much mischief beforehand, trust Viridi and Missy not to take matters into their own hands, and trust the others to play their parts. If we're going to play things Ellen's way, we'll need to be as precise as possible."--  
  
A several minutes-long silence.  
  
"Sooo... any objections to me going back to town and hitting the gym, Calli?"  
  
\--"Go ahead. I'm still not feeling well."--  
  
Kaoru rolled her eyes as she got up and headed for the exit. "I'm not surprised. How many times do I have to tell you that 'massive appetites' and 'heavy nausea' don't mix before you get the hint?"  
  
\--"I can't stop eating that much any more than either of us can stop hating dresses,"-- Callista rebuked. --"If you're not used to it by now, you never will be."--  
  
"Oh, just cram it."  
  
And for them at least, life went on.  
  
/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/  
  
_Time:_ 2:35p.m.  
_Location:_ Harrison residence, Spamville-verse  
  
[All of her life,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-dPJuiq8ec) Ellen had been a mystery to many.  
  
She was eleven years old going on twelve, though she had the physical appearance of a 16-year-old. This was due to her mother's freaky genetics: all of the Harrison kids, except for her brother Echo, had aged up five years in the span of six months before proceeding to grow up normally. There was more to her than just her presence in the 11th grade five years ahead of time, however.  
  
Each kid had inherited one or two of their mother's traits. In Ellen's case, she had inherited all the caution that came from being a cat taken to the extreme: she never faced danger head-on unless there was no other way, she took her time formulating what to say _before_ opening her mouth, and she was the utter picture of calmness, silence, and calculations. Those last two characteristics, combined with her perpetual half-lidded stare, soft-spoken voice and near-inability to smile, gave her a reputation as a creepy and borderline frightening individual.  
  
Most days that was exactly how she liked it, as she treasured her peace and quiet above all else. That wasn't to say that she was incapable of caring, or that she was anti-social in the fullest sense. For all of their quirks and insane behavior, she loved her family as a whole and was fiercely protective of them. She valued her friends highly, and their opinions just as much. And if there was something wrong with them that she knew about, she worried about their well-being.  
  
To all outward appearances, Ellen was completely in control. Inwardly, she was worried about the well-being of the sorceress with whom she was an unlikely friend. Something was wrong with her, and she was going to do everything in her power to fix it.  
  
Even if it meant calling in the big guns.  
  
Ellen sat down on one side of her bunk bed, listening carefully. Their Gaw housekeeper was laughing at a 2nd-season Seinfeld episode in the basement. Echo, the only full-blooded feline in the family, was playing with a glittery cat toy elsewhere in the house. Her mother, who had finished giving her subordinates the instructions for the mission she'd referred to, was snoring on the couch as she waited for her other kids to return home from their respective schools. Elk was who-knows-where, but that wasn't unusual for him. Her father was at a seminar, but promised to be home in time for dinner.  
  
She nodded. "...As good a time as ever," she murmured, concentrating her next words. "...Godpapa? A few words with you please, Raleigh?"  
  
_"You have summoned me, mortal,"_ declared someone who hadn't been in the room--or even the neighborhood--a half-second ago. After a few moments, the person dropped the drama and straight-up smiled, his sharp eyes twinkling a little. "Ellen. Nice to see you again. How's the family?"  
  
That Ellen wasn't taken back by his appearance spoke volumes on how well she knew him. The man was decked out in a sharp black suit and fedora, his hands covered with thin white gloves. To the average anime connoisseur, he was the image of a murderer. To those with narrower reference pools, he moved like a smooth criminal. This was Raleigh, both one of the longest-lived and one of the most dangerous beings in the multiverse... and the one person that the Harrison kids trusted with their lives as much as their mother.  
  
As such, Ellen didn't hesitate to stand up and give him a hug. "...Better nowadays," she said. "...Mom's been in much higher spirits recently, so I don't think there's any danger of her going off the deep end anytime soon. Eebon, Elk and I will be graduating next year... and on that note, I'm inviting you and Ebony to our collective graduation party at that time."  
  
"Accepted," Raleigh confirmed. "I'll make sure Ebony knows. And how about Ezekiel?"  
  
Ellen let go and sat back down. "...He's gotten the hang of his mutation about as much as he can by now. Scholastically he's not the greatest, but he's still doing well enough to pass." She frowned. "...Now if I could get him to stop hugging me and everyone, that would be ideal. All of the weird looks I'm getting because of him are getting tiresome."  
  
A smirk. "Ah, the trials of being an older sibling. Now then, I'm assuming you didn't call me here just to catch up?"  
  
"...You're assuming correctly." Ellen gestured at a small chair next to her closet. "...I'm going to need you to be Rei for this, because in the words of Roahm Mythril, 'this is a bit of a thing'."  
  
Raleigh nodded, his form shifting like water. He shrunk nearly a foot and a half in height, hair changing from black to a light brown and his overall appearance much more feminine on the whole. Where before he could've been mistaken for Kuroudo Akabane, now she came off more as a Sakura Kinomoto cosplayer. The triangle marking on her forehead, as well as the bat-like wings and pointed tail, gave away her non-human status. "Now then. What seems to be the problem?" Rei asked, sitting in the indicated chair.  
  
"...Well, it started this morning when I was still in class..."  
  
/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/  
  
Ellen explained everything that happened from the point she'd received her invitation to the end of the meeting. While she was speaking, Echo caught wind of Rei's presence and shadow-walked his way past the closed door to greet her. Afterwards, he perched on Elk's bunk to listen in on the discussion.  
  
By the end of it, Rei was in agreement that something needed to be done. "Nice of Mr. Maddhouse to come out into the open like that. That will make things easier for everyone."  
  
"...Guessing that you're acquainted with him," Ellen said, cupping her chin in one hand. "...And that he's not human. Not like that's any real surprise."  
  
"Almost but not quite, Ellen. I _am_ acquainted with him, just not the same iteration. The one I know is a Moblin business tycoon who likes to stick his nose where it doesn't belong." Rei's tail twitched as she spoke. "I put up with him because he keeps attention focused on him and away from my agents whenever they have to work in the area, and he has at least _some_ decency. In contrast, Muffinville Maddhouse looks to be a complete waste of human life."  
  
"...That we agree on. If my hands weren't tied with this marriage business, I would've suggested having Thunderball nab him for his bounty," Ellen griped, referring to a lightning-happy bounty hunter she was on good terms worth. "...As it is, we're going to have to rip his empire apart piecemeal if we're going to slow him down."  
  
"Want any help?" Rei asked, wringing her hands eagerly. A pair of miniscule fangs could be seen poking past her lips as she spoke. "This feels like a good time to unwind."  
  
"... ...If corporate destruction and espionage is your idea of 'a good time', godmama, I don't want to hear what happens to people who make you angry," Ellen stated dryly, though she wasn't as perturbed as her words would've made her out to be. "...If you and yours want to help out then I have no issues with that, though really I just called you here for advice."  
  
A meow from above got their attention. "How widespread is this 'empire' of his?" Echo asked, his voice slightly lower-pitched than one would expect from something the size of a Maine Coon.  
  
"...I don't have the exact numbers," Ellen answered in the negative. "...I didn't think to check before I left the Muffinverse. If the fact that he owns at least two recreation centers is any indication, I have to believe he's all over the place in terms of business holdings. Might even own some of the stores that Callista likes to raid."  
  
Rei looked thoughtful for a few moments before nodding. "In which case the more people you have helping you, the better. Echo, you've mastered your shadowportation, correct? Do you feel confident in lending a paw?"  
  
Ellen's eyes widened, though there wasn't any way to tell without a powerful enough magnifying glass. Surprised as well, Echo's eyes seemed to dilate before he recovered. --"I don't know how good I would be,"-- he said, resorting to the telepathy he reserved for longer sentences, if only to put less stress on his throat. --"I'm just a housecat with a few odd tricks. I don't have Auntie Ebony's training, nor do I want it. And I've been shedding recently, so wouldn't Maddhouse find out someone's been investigating him if I started poking around his offices?"--  
  
Ellen's bedroom door opened, revealing a fairly groggy Amber standing behind it. "Normally I'd be against you going out to help," she uttered before pausing for a yawn. "But admittedly, you do have a few advantages to work with. The biggest one is that I have notoriety and you don't. If they find your fur scattered around, they're more likely to think that it's _me_ having a look-see. And even if they don't believe that, the simple fact of the matter is that you don't have a reputation. Just how many black Maine Coons are there in Muffinville, anyway? Thousands? For that matter, how many of them can shadow-port?"  
  
"It also helps that you wouldn't be pursuing Maddhouse's interests directly," Rei suggested. "More likely you'd be poking around his _lawyers'_ offices. If he's been escaping justice despite all of his crimes, then it's likely their fault. Incriminating them and forcing them to confess where the authorities would hear them would deprive Maddhouse of a powerful resource, and he'd be required to rely on an attorney that's more incompetent, has a moral compass, or both."  
  
Echo thought about this for a bit before squeezing his eyes closed and shifting his posture a little. When he opened them again, they were just wide enough to give the 'you unworthy insects' visage that cats were well-known for. "I'll want backup in case I'm found, but count me in," he spoke aloud.  
  
"...I'd have been disappointed if you _didn't_ want it," Ellen remarked, getting up from her bed as she heard the front door open. "In any event, we can talk about this later. Right now, there's one other issue I want to bring up."  
  
"What would that be?" Rei asked curiously.  
  
Ellen not-so-subtly edged her way around the bed and into a corner, as far away from Rei as she could. "...The fact that you haven't been here for dinner in at least a year," she said as she moved.  
  
A small sweatdrop appeared on Rei's temple as she vacated her chair, half-expecting what was to come. "Ah. Well, in all fairness I _have_ been busy all over the place---"  
  
"GODMAMA REI! You're here!" someone squealed, making Amber jump out of the way of the door in surprise.  
  
Ellen's remaining quadruplet siblings--the black-furred felinoid Eebon and the half-insane catboy Elk--as well as the family's youngest, the currently-a-catgirl Ezekiel, were gathered outside the room. All three of them were struggling to keep themselves contained...  
  
...and they ultimately failed miserably. "Our dear godmother has gone without our parents' cooking for all this time, gaw," Eebon declared playfully, with just a hint of drama. "We can't let this go on another day!"  
  
"Mashed potatoes!" Ezekiel squealed again, the widest smile ever on her face as she clasped her hands before her. "Green beans! **Chicken parmesan!"**  
  
Elk pointed at Rei. _"Catpile on the succubus goddess, Second-Class!"_ he hollered.  
  
As one, the trio hit Rei with a diving tackle and crashed against the carpet. Ellen and Echo joined in a second later, and the air was filled with purring and/or amused laughter from all parties involved (aside from Ellen, obviously).  
  
Amber shook her head, but even she was smiling. "My cooking's not _that_ good," she muttered bemusedly, getting her phone out and texting her husband to let him know that they'd be having company for dinner.  
  
And for them at least, life went on.


	3. Ch. 3: The Ultimate Wisdom and Loyalty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six people who are all messed up in their own ways pass the time the best they can, and an uneasy alliance is formed.

_Location:_ Callista's home universe, Infinite Defense Headquarters, Dining Room  
 _Time and Date:_ January 13, 2020, 4:06p.m.  
  
[Universes away,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9utolVQcV7E) in an expansive three-story mansion that stood near the edge of a Michigan golf course, Aldonza Karate sat in a chair and stared out at nothing. She wasn't in the mood to deal with the typical chaos of Muffinville or Spamville, not after the events of the morning and early afternoon, so she had retreated back home entirely in order to find someplace to vegetate.  
  
The handful of those whose duties lay with the space division were off working, while most of those who were employed around the county were also away. The rest of the staff were either on call in case a serious crime was reported or lazing around the property doing their own thing, leaving Aldonza alone. And for once, the social butterfly was happy with that.  
  
"This is irritating as $%&#ç," Aldonza growled at nothing and no one. "I've tried my best to be a good friend to her, or at least a decent one, for what? Eight, nine years? And then she falls in love with the worst possible person ever. And here I thought I understood how the brains of humans worked. For all that talk about wrecking the wedding and totaling Maddhouse, we never really talked about the root cause of it all. Just what on Earth drove her to accept the proposition? Why did my contacts not tell me anything about it? Something about all of this smells rotten." She sniffed the air, and was briefly taken back by what she detected. "...Kind of smells like bourbon, actually."  
  
"That's because it _is_ bourbon," Zapana's voice drawled. Aldonza looked up to see the wolf nursing a bottle of the stuff as she sat down next to her. "And before you ask, you can't have any. This is property of yours truly."  
  
"Wasn't going to, Zapana-chan," Aldonza denied. "I'm just a tad irritated at what's been happening, but not so much that I'd want to ruin my insides."  
  
"Good thing my insides are already ruined, then," said Zapana before taking a swig, tapping her arm with her free hand as she did so.  
  
Aldonza knew what she was referring to. When Zapana was still a pup, she was abducted by a delusional madman and had a serum injected into her blood as part of a process to turn her into his loyal super-soldier, which ultimately led to his death when he underestimated the scope of her rebelliousness. That serum had permeated her body and organs, strengthening them to the point where not only was it impossible for her to get drunk, but she could never suffer the ill effects of such. The day she reached legal age, she'd grabbed a can of beer and never looked back... but as she'd said from time to time, what had been done to her was irreversible.  
  
 _Now if only we could prevent Circe's life from being ruined the same way._ "I'm worried about her," Aldonza stated. "Something's wrong with her. Terribly wrong."  
  
"You've said that something like fifteen times in the past six hours," Zapana said, annoyed. "I'm pretty sure everyone knows about it by now. When are we going to stop griping about it and actually _do_ something about it? ... Oh, wait; we _can't,_ because we specifically agreed to hold off on it until the wedding day. So--and I'm saying this as a friend--kindly _shut up already_ and focus on how we can prepare ourselves in the meantime."  
  
"Yes, but _how?"_  
  
"Simple. Based on what everyone's said about Marc, and judging from what Circe's state of mind probably is, it's likely that it's all going to devolve into my specialty." Zapana grabbed a paper plate that someone had forgotten to throw away, crumpled it up tightly until it was about equal in size to one of her claws, then utterly incinerated it between her fingertips. "And that means getting ready for a _hoedown la throwdown."_  
  
"...Sad thing is, you're probably right." Aldonza leaned back in her chair and stared up at the ceiling. "For all we know, he might have had something to do with this whole mess to start with. I mean, it's obvious that Circe wouldn't have agreed to marry him if she were in her right mind. A good fight might shock her back to her senses."  
  
"It ought to, Aldonza-chan." Zapana followed Aldonza's lead, her expression turning melancholy. "It certainly did for me."  
  
"Look at it this way." Aldonza's tail snaked over to Zapana's shoulder and gave it a few reassuring taps. "If we _hadn't_ had that big blowup over the freeze gun incident, we wouldn't be friends now, right?"  
  
This succeeded in putting a smile on the wolf's face. "Both of our lives are completely messed up, because that's not how friendship is supposed to work." She checked a nearby clock, jerking out of her seat in surprise. "Lost track of time... I gotta get to the multiplex. What are your plans tonight?"  
  
Aldonza straightened in her seat. "I'm assigned kitchen duty during the dinner hour, and I was planning on watching the Pistons game later. What about you?"  
  
"Unfortunately, I'm going to be working late tonight. One of the ushers is out sick, so I'm going to have to cover for him. But before I go..." She favored Aldonza with a smile. "This is the part where you say 'thanks for taking the time to talk to me, I really needed that'."  
  
"I don't need to," Aldonza answered, smiling in return. "You said it for me. See you in the morning down in the battle arena?"  
  
"Sure thing. Sayonara."  
  
As Zapana hypered off, Aldonza re-directed her thoughts back to Circe. This time, instead of frustration and irritation at the day's events, she felt nothing but a quiet determination. _Be patient with us. Just a little over a month. Whatever's happened to you, we'll put a stop to it. Wait for us, okay?_  
  
And for them at least, life went on.  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
 _Location:_ Circe's Manor, outside Muffinville proper  
 _Time:_ 7:22p.m.  
  
Loud, pulsing music permeated much of the Manor.  
  
The announcement of Circe's upcoming marriage in recent weeks had drawn a mixed bag of emotions among her staffers. Those who knew of Maddhouse or were familiar enough with their mistress' personality were suspicious and unsure, with some having warning bells going off in their heads. Others who didn't know of the potential dangers of such a union were thrilled that she was planning on tying the knot, and there was much gossip to be had.  
  
One maid in the latter category had excitedly suggested to Circe that a bachelorette party just _had_ to be thrown. It took some time and a fair amount of convincing, but with some reluctance she'd agreed. The end result of this was that one of the Manor's larger dining halls and some adjoining rooms had been rearranged to accommodate the party, and thus decorated accordingly. A stage large enough to accommodate a song-and-dance troupe had been constructed, the kitchens were locked in overdrive, the dress code was less of a concern, and the ones in charge of the party were making sure everyone was enjoying themselves without going too far.  
  
An attempt to surprise Circe with a catgirl jumping out of a large cake backfired, however. The catgirl in question, the largely apathetic Abby Dubious, fell asleep at some point and failed to respond on cue. When she finally woke up and dug her way out the side of the cake instead of exiting through the top, she was booed and heckled by most of the onlookers. Circe herself found it more amusing than anything else, calmly dismissing the attempt and telling those responsible not to worry about it.  
  
Abby, of course, didn't care.  
  
As the party went on, even those who were suspicious decided "why not" and opted to join in. [Claire was not one of them.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLbw0ndel7A) The conservative maid stayed as far from the proceedings as possible, throwing herself into her work to keep from dwelling on the goings-on. What with everything that was taking place, she couldn't bring herself to enjoy any of it. "Feels like I'm the only sane person around here," she complained to herself as she finished vacuuming a stairway. "Everyone's hanging around in there, having a good time, and they either don't know that things are going south or don't care..." She grimaced as she heard one of the songs being performed. "And I've always preferred the Backstreet Boys over NSYNC anyway."  
  
Switching off the vacuum, Claire went to transfer its contents to the nearest wastebasket she could find...  
  
"Not much of a party person, Miss de Loon?" someone asked. Claire gave a start, but relaxed when she saw the maid leaning on the railing up on the second floor.  
  
Doris Sturm had more seniority than most of the staff, and was also the most identifiable. She had kept the appearance of the fictional reploid [Pandora](https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=2721216) during her last transformation, turning herself into a gynoid. The downside of that decision was that her armor and helmet were permanent parts of her being, rendering them impossible to remove. Since she couldn't fit into a regular uniform as a result, she designed a new emblem--the same one that would later be placed on the wedding invitations--and had it emblazoned on the back of her helmet to identify herself as part of the staff.  
  
Oddly enough, she was currently sipping some sparkling water. _How she's able to drink despite being a living machine, I'll never understand._ "It's not the party I dislike as much as the circumstances surrounding it, Miss Sturm," Claire answered, setting the vacuum aside and making her way up the stairs.  
  
Doris nodded. "I hear you. It certainly came out of nowhere. Seeing someone's eyes turn to hearts in a cartoon is funny. Seeing it in real life? Not so much. It's too creepy for words."  
  
"I see..." Claire murmured before deciding to raise a question that had been bothering her. "I have to ask, since you're helping her directly on this. How's Lady Circe's general temperament? Is everything... well, most everything... alright with her?"  
  
"If you mean 'has she been any different', no. ...Wait, that's not quite true," Doris admitted, shaking her head. She took a few steps to the side to allow Claire some room on the railing. "It would be more accurate to say that her treatment of us as individuals hasn't changed. She still treats us with as much respect as we deserve, and there's no more changes in her speech patterns or emotions than usual. But when it comes to anything pertaining to Mr. Maddhouse, you might as well be talking to a wall. She's rather thoroughly convinced that he can do no wrong."  
  
"You've already tried to talk to her, then?"  
  
Doris chuckled bitterly. "I was on hand at her Shop when Marc proposed to her. You should've heard the fuss that her pet mouse raised... anyway, I tried to talk her out of it both before and after he left, but Lady Circe was hearing none of it. The only reason they didn't get married right then and there was because I was able to at least convince them to have a proper public ceremony, and those events require plenty of time to prepare." She sighed. "Really should've tried harder to talk her out of it..."  
  
Claire gave Doris's hand a consoling pat. "You did what you could. Your efforts mean that we still have a chance to stop her from making a serious mistake."  
  
Doris regarded Claire suspiciously. "None of us have been able to talk sense into her, no matter what we say. Do you know something that I don't, Miss de Loon?"  
  
"...Before I answer that, is there anyone else in the immediate vicinity?" Claire inquired cautiously.  
  
Doris's eyes shifted through the color spectrum; Claire recognized this as the sign that her internal hardware was blazing away. "The party is active 450 feet away, and Lady Circe is present there. Any maids still at work are elsewhere in the building, and those left are in their quarters. No one on the first and second floors is within earshot. We're clear."  
  
Claire nodded. "Good. I took the liberty of getting into contact with the Infinite Defense this morning."  
  
"The Infini... oh. Miss Metallium's old faction." Doris downed the rest of her drink and placed her glass on a nearby shelf. "She and those friends of hers should've gotten their invitations today..."  
  
"They did, and they weren't pleased about it. They and the heads of the Brotherhood and Forces of Nature intend to sow chaos on the wedding day and make things as problematic as possible in the hopes of dissolving the marriage."  
  
It was a rare thing to see Doris, whose electronic brain could formulate responses to any statement in less than a heartbeat, stunned into silence. "...I was under the impression that those two groups hated each other's guts."  
  
Claire idly wiped off the railing with a dust rag. "That they do, but apparently their hatred for Maddhouse supersedes that. Missy Shanelle doesn't want competition as an antagonist. Lady Viridi already viewed him as a blight on the earth, and being tapped as the wedding party's flower girl didn't help matters any."  
  
Doris processed this before turning to regard the 1st floor below. "I have to assume Lady Circe knew that when she told me to send an invitation to Shanelle. They're business associates only. Our lady even told me when I was temporarily assigned to Brotherhood HQ on cleanup detail that she didn't like her. Is there something I'm not seeing? If she's so dead-set on marrying Maddhouse, why is she making it possible for high-profile people to join forces against him?"  
  
"I can't claim to understand any of that." Claire steeled herself before speaking. "What I _do_ understand is that I'm going to do everything in my power to assist the alliance wherever I can."  
  
Doris immediately turned to Claire, facing her with no small amount of fury. There was a fair bit of 'evil' and 'violence' in her due to the current nature of her existence, though most days she was good at keeping them under wraps. "It's one thing to express discontent with what our Lady is doing," she hissed, eyes glowing as she summoned her staff out of thin air. "It's quite another to actively work against her wishes. I cannot let you do that."  
  
Claire summoned all of her decorum and willpower, not backing down in the face of Doris's anger. "Answer me this, Miss Sturm. As someone with a CPU for a brain and heart, what sounds most logical to you: to willingly support Lady Circe as she goes through with a decision that means the complete loss of who she is, of who _we_ are... or to work against her with the intention of keeping her best interests alive, to ensure that she is able to strive towards them another day?"  
  
There was still rage in Doris's eyes, but it was faltering. "Miss de Loon..."  
  
"You've heard the rumors **about Maddhouse's treatment of women,"** Claire stated emphatically, her own anger filling her voice. **"As of today, I can confirm that the rumors are true. I heard the words straight from Ambush Cat's mouth."**  
  
Doris's weapon immediately vanished back into nothingness. "So... to clarify...?" she asked hesitantly, the glow in her eyes dimming.  
  
"I am loyal and dedicated to my Lady," Claire stated with absolute confidence. "I always have been, and always will be for as long as she and I live. As one of her maids, it is my duty not only to do all the work that is expected of me, but to protect her against any discernible threats to the best of my ability. **And the scum that is Marc Maddhouse is very much a threat."**  
  
Save for the distant party, the hall was silent for about six seconds before Doris chuckled softly. "Someone told me once that if you'd been part of the first wave, _you'd_ have been the Manor's head maid. I'm starting to see why that was said; you're shining like a searchlight right now."  
  
"A-anyway," Claire stammered, blushing at the compliment, "since I've been selected as a bridesmaid, I still can't openly sabotage the ceremony. What I _can_ do for now is to push things in the right direction simply by doing what is asked of me. Does Miss Madison know who's going to be handling the catering yet?"  
  
Doris shook her head. "I don't think so. I think she and I are both under the assumption that us maids would be taking care of it."  
  
Claire smiled. "Good. I have an idea as to who to get, but I'd like to run it by her first before I make the call. Is she at the party?"  
  
"Yes. Thankfully, I don't think she's drunk any booze yet."  
  
"Even better. Bring her out here, if you could." Claire's eye twitched as she remembered the cleanup Doris had interrupted. "...Well, as soon as I get the vacuum cleaner put away."  
  
Doris's laughter echoed behind her as she went back downstairs to finish her task.  
  
...  
  
And for them, at least, plans were made.  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
Location: Viridi's suite, The _Mungojerrie_  
Time: 11:35p.m.  
  
["Three to go! ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8ixms66zKc)You're slipping, nature girl!"  
  
"Let's see if you're still saying that to my _Shoooryuken!"_  
  
"Rrrghh...! Back in the game, Belmont, back in the game--%*#$!"  
  
After being successfully resurrected by Ambush Cat years before, Viridi had claimed one of the ship's empty suites for her own use. The interior had been redesigned so that it had a similar feel to her long-destroyed sanctuary from ages past; though it could never truly replace what she'd lost, the suite felt more and more like home with each passing day.  
  
That wasn't to say there weren't a _few_ technological odds and ends, however. The massive television and Nintendo Switch in the living room were two of them. Even stranger was the fact that Viridi and Missy, two vicious archenemies, were seated on cushions side by side and settling their frustrations in _Smash Ultimate_ instead of the battlefield. Given what time it was, it was essentially a warped sleepover.  
  
Viridi's chief lieutenant, the also-resurrected Phosphora, was sitting on a vine-turned-hammock in one corner of the room, watching the scene with no shortage of amusement. Missy's secretary, a meek sheepgirl who looked borderline exhausted, was far less enthused as she poked her head into the room. "How long have they been at this? I thought they were going to stop an hour ago!"  
  
"That used to be the plan, Bahija, but it ain't happening now," Phosphora confirmed with a nod. "This is the tiebreaker round to decide whether or not they play their final match on Dracula's stage. After that is a best-of-three to see whether Missy plays that match as Luigi or Bayonetta, and another best-of-three to see if I'm allowed to join in for it. I'm sitting off a loss right now."  
  
Bahija facepalmed heavily as she walked in. "I had the feeling that proposing that ceasefire would be the worst decision of my life..."  
  
"They hate each other," Phosphora said with a shrug. "They still wanted to fight, and this is the next best thing. Chances are after their 'final' match, they'll get into another argument over whether the victor won fairly or not, and have _another_ few rounds to decide who was right."  
  
"And I'm going to have to put up with this for over a _month?!"_  
  
"Sure will." Phosphora gave Bahija a challenging smirk. "You have a problem with that, muttonhead?"  
  
Bahija's hands tightened at the implications of those words, and a little bit of her normal self shone through. "Fine. _One_ game after they're done, sparky. And if I win, you have to not just promise to stop playing when the rest of us have to sleep, but to _keep_ that promise for the duration of the ceasefire!"  
  
"And if I win, I get to shave you bald and turn your hair into a sweet throw pillow." Phosphora held out an open hand. "Deal?"  
  
Hand met hand and slammed themselves together. "Deal!"  
  
...  
  
...  
  
Over an hour later, Bahija once again found herself thankful that triggering her Jusenkyo curse also restored her hair.  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
And for them at least... ah, forget it.  
  
 _ **And so a month passes...**_


	4. Ch. 4: The Windup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kettle of crazy just keeps getting stirred.

_"Sister? Big sis, where are you?"  
  
No response. Only footsteps leading away.  
  
"Sister? ...Wait, where are you going?"  
  
A silhouette. An umbrella?... No, just a wide hairstyle. It said nothing, did nothing to respond to her cries.  
  
"Don't leave me here! Please...!"  
  
At last, a response. [The vague humming of a lullaby](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AeitPOkNrS0) reached her. She didn't know the song, but she did recognize the source. 'Pan's Labyrinth', wasn't it...?  
  
"Please, sis... wherever you're going... at least say good-bye...!"  
  
The silhouette inclined its head in her direction. It smiled sadly, not interrupting its lullaby, and slowly shook its head before continuing on its way. Clouds of mist came together, obscuring the figure from sight..._  
  
/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/  
  
 _Date/Time:_ February 22, 2020, 7:15a.m.  
 _Location:_ The _Mungojerrie_ , Callista's suite  
  
Callista laid awake in bed, glaring up at the ceiling and trying her hardest not to cry. "That dream again," she hissed quietly, shaking her head. "That... s-s-s-s-s-s- _stinking_ dream again. And the longest day in my life's going to be right on the heels of it."  
  
\--"Which dream was it this time?"-- Kaoru inquired. --"Your stepsister leaving, the evil lemon meringue pie, the tap-dancing graphic calculator, or your fleet's central computer having a rap battle with Seto Kaiba's?"--  
  
"The first one."  
  
A mental wince. -- _"Ooooh._ Yeah, that would do it. You feeling well enough to get things going yourself, or should I take over?"--  
  
Callista was about to tell her to go ahead, then thought better of it. She blinked a few times to dispel the tears that were still trying to form before climbing out of bed. "Yeah, I'm good. It's been a few months since I last had it, so I figure I was overdue for it anyway. Guess I've just been feeling wistful recently... anyhoo, plans: breakfast, a quick run to the PFL's souvenir store to quell that perpetual itch in my skull, and then straight to the Manor. Claire ought to have something in her wardrobe I can wear to the wedding."  
  
\--"Almost fifteen closets across three universes, and you still don't own anything formal,"-- Kaoru said. Callista got the impression she was shaking her head. --"Didn't that whole 'prom' incident teach you to be prepared for those things?"--  
  
"What happened at the prom _stays_ at the prom," Callista bit out, "and I refuse to walk down that road on principle."  
  
\--"Once a guy, always a guy..."--  
  
"And don't you forget it! ... But you know me. I hate formal stuff. The odds of me enjoying one of those events is about the same as a repeat of the Spanish Flu showing up back home."  
  
Their banter continued even as they left the ship twenty minutes later. To the few onlookers who saw them leave, it started like any other day... and in the long run, for all of its build-up and the trials that would befall the participants that day, that's what it would shape up to be.  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
Time: 8:00a.m.  
Location: The Hasano Estate (The Place the Leaf Resides), unknown Muffinville sub-dimensional residential area  
  
 _Knock-knock knockity knockity knock knock._  
  
An eldritch being sat up from its breakfast, fairly resembling a Gardevoir in appearance and dress yet somehow _not._ "Hmm? Someone's a'knocking early today," it murmured to itself, quickly finishing its bite of toast before getting up to answer the door. _I haven't ordered any packages recently, and the mail carrier shows up at 9:30, so who could it be?_  
  
Its question was answered when it opened the door, an unfamiliar young woman with a large pointy hat and jeweled purple dress standing there. Close behind it was one of the Harrison kids, the currently-a-male-human Ezekiel. "Hi, Konoko," the woman stated. "I realize this is short notice, but do you mind babysitting one of the kids today? The rest of us are... kind of busy, to put it mildly."  
  
Immediately Konoko pieced together who the woman was. She didn't carry herself the same way Ambush/Amber did, but she was obviously associated with the Harrisons. Add to that the mental waves that told her she was speaking to a Pokémon, not a true humanoid... "Shiver," she greeted her. "Fully solid illusion. Nice work."  
  
The disguised Mismagius smiled at the praise. "Thanks. So, about that job offer...?"  
  
 _I don't have anything pressing to do, and I haven't spent much time around their youngest..._ "Sure. Come on i---"  
  
 _"HUGS!"_  
  
As soon as Konoko agreed, Ezekiel launched himself at her in a flying tackle-hug. The 'Vampevoir', as Callista liked to call her, staggered backwards a step but was able to stay upright. "Oof... wow, you're getting big." She directed her next words to Shiver as she put him down. "Real energetic, isn't he?"  
  
Shiver sagged a little. "Every day like you wouldn't believe. Like I said, we're going to be pretty busy today, so we don't have much time to look after him. So if you could babysit him until about... seven this evening, that would be awesome."  
  
"Until seven, huh? What's going on today?"  
  
Shiver winced. "That's going to take a while to explain. May I come in?"  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
"...And that's about it."  
  
Konoko sipped from a cup of coffee as she finished processing everything she'd been told. _So, a wedding between the truly depraved and the ex-villainess-to-be. I can see why they're behaving this way._ "Out of curiosity, did Echo's investigations turn up anything?"  
  
"Only enough to put the bozos away for decades, and Maddy away for the rest of his sorry existence times infinity." Shiver downed the remainder of a glass of fruit punch. "It looks like the bulk of his employees either don't know who they're truly working for, feel that they have no choice, or have blinded themselves to the truth for the sake of their next paycheck. It would be nice to notify them all at once, but Callista's going to be occupied too. And unlike her, our boss doesn't have the benefit of being data incarnate, so we don't have their contact information _or_ access to Maddy's e-mail accounts. We're going to have to go about things the slow way."  
  
 _Maybe... or maybe not._ Konoko nodded. "I see. ...Well, I never received an invitation, but since you brought Zeke on by I don't mind too much. He's much more entertaining anyway." She regarded Ezekiel, who was fully hooked on the handheld Oregon Trail game she had lent him, with a fond smile. "Our families don't see each other too much anymore. Maybe I should invite your bunch over for dinner sometime."  
  
Shiver stood up. "I won't say no to that, but in the meantime I've got a job to do. I'll be by to grab Ezekiel at seven."  
  
"Fair deal. I'll send Ambush the bill," Konoko agreed impishly.  
  
Shiver's smile was full of teeth as she caught on. "Boy, will _she_ be surprised," she giggled, turning transparent. Waving good-bye, she turned and phased through the walls, leaving the Estate behind.  
  
...  
  
Konoko stared out at nothing for a few minutes before deciding. _Nothing wrong with expediting the process, and maybe this will get her out of the house for a little bit too. She's been complaining that things have been boring lately._ Raising her voice, she called out: "Ritsu? Ritsu, could you come in here, please? We have a visitor."  
  
Konoko's third-youngest daughter (second-youngest, technically) was fairly normal in appearance. Between her pigtailed brown hair, two pronounced front teeth, thin glasses and tool belt, there didn't seem to be anything truly unusual about her. But as with the rest of the family, there was no shortage of strangeness. The fact that she was a were-rabbit was just the tip of the iceberg.  
  
Ezekiel perked up when Ritsu entered the room, all grins. "Hi, squirrel rabbit! How you've been--- _whoa!"_  
  
Konoko caught Ezekiel in a telekinetic grip before he could give Ritsu the same tackle-hug that she'd received, much to the girl's obvious relief. "Thanks, Mom. I needed that," Ritsu admitted. "His greetings are a little _too_ enthusiastic... what was all that talking I heard about, though? Anything to do with why he's here?"  
  
"You could say that." Konoko gave her a shortened version of the story she'd received from Shiver. "I'll need to call Ambush and let him know, but he should be alright with a certain _someone_ helping him ruin Mr. Maddhouse's day, wouldn't you say?"  
  
It took a moment for what she was being asked to do to sink in, but once it did, the fit of mad laughter Ritsu experienced would have done Washu Hakubi proud. Ezekiel joining in just made it sound ridiculous, however.  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
 _Time:_ 10:10a.m.  
 _Location:_ Circe's Manor, [Claire de Loon's quarters](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFRwRXoEnC0)  
  
"...I see. So that's it, then. Thanks for notifying me, Mrs. Hasano. Tell Miss Ritsu I said 'thank you' for her work. ...Yes, I realize that you aren't technically 'married' anymore, but as far as I'm concerned your husband is alive, and that's good enough for me. ...Trust me, I thoroughly understand. I know how those kids are. Thanks again."  
  
Claire shut off her smartphone and set it aside. "That looks to be everything that needed done," she said to open air. "Here's hoping that everything gets settled without it dragging on."  
  
"Just about everything's in place," Callista stated, voice a bit muffled. She was somewhere in Claire's walk-in closet getting dressed, and to avoid anyone walking in on her by accident she'd temporarily fused the door with the wall. "I'll be present as a guest, of course. Zapana's replaced Maddhouse's disc jockey for the reception on short notice... the less said about the poor idiot when they found him, the better. Aldonza's handling the catering... nice job setting that one up, by the way. Ambush is ready and waiting to 'erase' any evidence of the marriage, plus trigger a mass resignation... I'll need to save some of that wedding cake for the Hasanos later. Ellen's the organist... where she learned to play the organ, I'll never know..."  
  
"According to her, her 8th-grade music teacher was apparently a harsh taskmaster," Claire clarified, sweatdropping. "Just between you and me, I think she was trying hard not to swear when describing him."  
  
"...Right. Anyway, both Missy and Viridi are waiting in the wings with their forces, and their respective lieutenants are going to hit all of Marc's corporate offices after the wedding gets under way. Primary targets will be all communications satellites and cell phone towers in the vicinity of the recreation center... we can always pay to get them replaced later." Fabric shuffled around a little. "I've always thought it was stupid _not_ to keep a landline phone around as a backup."  
  
"You're nervous, aren't you?"  
  
Beat. "What gave it away?"  
  
"You're rambling," Claire stated, "in part about things I've known for at least two weeks and in part about things that are fresh in my memory regardless. You don't need to invoke 'as you know' with me, Miss Callista."  
  
"This is the first wedding I've been to since the early-to-mid _1990s,"_ Callista growled. "I have every right to be nervous... and why in Muffinville do you have most of this stuff in here when you wear the exact same outfit every single day? Seriously, I'm seeing a copy of that for each day of the month!"  
  
"Most of those other dresses are gifts that were given to me by my friends for various occasions, and I've just never gotten around to wearing them," Claire explained. "A few others were given to me by certain individuals who didn't realize that I didn't swing their way, and I didn't have the heart to throw them away. And there should be a pink number in there sent to me by an actual _male_ suitor who tried to woo me last year."  
  
"I'm not see---oh. There it is." Callista had an amused sort of disbelief in her voice. "Why is it ripped to shreds?"  
  
Claire allowed herself to become indignant. "Because he was trying to lure me away from Lady Circe's service, of course, and whenever someone tries to court me I have that posted outside this room as a warning. If I had to choose between being a mere servant and being a trophy wife, you'd know which one I would pick."  
  
Callista snorted softly. " _He_ sounds like a real winner, huh?"  
  
"He had some of the same viewpoints that Marc does about women, albeit not to the same degree. But to his credit, he gave up the chase gracefully when he decided I wasn't worth pursuing. Truthfully, I can't imagine Marc doing the same for Lady Circe even if things were tactfully explained to him."  
  
"Yeah, I can't imagine Circe stooped over a stove cooking dinner for him," Callista cracked, channeling her inner Groucho Marx, "if only because I can't see the stove."  
  
"Don't insult her, please. And don't misunderstand me either, mother," Claire said, shaking her head but deciding that Callista was under more stress than she first thought. It was hardly the first time one or both of them had insulted the other when something was eating at them, after all. "It's not the 'stay in the kitchen' viewpoint I took offense to. I enjoy housework immensely, and working here at the Manor is simply that scaled up by a hundred. No, it's what Ambush meant by Marc 'treating women like flash drives' that has me so nettled."  
  
Even through the sealed door, the air seemed chillier. "Brrr... tell me about it. Feels like my scars are trying to tear me to pieces just hearing it."  
  
Callista hadn't always been... well, Callista. Previously she'd been Curtis Wildcat, a male human turned mutant felinoid. A few months after arriving at the more hectic ends of the multiverse, he'd made a wish--of sorts--on a magic crystal left behind by a temporarily deceased goddess, regaining his humanity. The cost of this wish was a permanent gender-swap with a side order of manic bargain-hunting, turning Curtis into the self-proclaimed Shopping Queen she was now.  
  
Some months later, while in another universe on a mission for Raleigh, Callista was physically assaulted in a Cracker Barrel restroom by an escaped convict. Only her purse, a powerful shape-shifting weapon with its own security system, prevented her from being raped in addition to that. The encounter left her with scars both within and without that never fully healed, which in turn gave her three things: a zero-tolerance policy regarding perverts and sexual predators, a very dim view of romance in general (and exposed skin in particular), and a self-enforced vow of celibacy.   
  
Since Claire possessed a decent chunk of Callista's memories (though without the scars), Ambush had made the entire situation personal for them both by notifying them of Marc's habits. The sense of justice that lingered in their hearts refused to put up with the present circumstances any longer.  
  
"Claire?" Callista nervously continued, the closet door becoming unsealed. "I need a second opinion on this. Are you decent?"  
  
"Haven't started getting ready yet, Miss Callista," said Claire. "I'm just waiting on you."  
  
"Don't feel that you have to wait on _my_ account. This is an important day for you too, remember?"  
  
A quietly annoyed sigh. "Just step out of the closet and let me see what you picked, alright? I don't have all morning to banter back and forth about this."  
  
"Fine, fine," the manic shopper acquiesced, opening the door and stepping back into the bedroom.  
  
On first glance, she'd made her choices well. In keeping with Callista's standards of modesty, the sapphire-blue dress was conservatively cut and showed off nothing, going clear down to the top of her feet. Decorative buttons in the criss-crossing shape of her personal logo were pinned to both shoulders, and her low-heeled shoes glimmered in the light. Her ever-present purse, being permanently bonded to her being, was still on her shoulder. A topaz ring rested on one finger, and tiny little diamond earrings cut in the shape of a cat's face completed the ensemble. A few gray hairs could be spotted in her brown locks here and there, if only because she felt like reflecting her true age a little today.  
  
Claire frowned. "You're wearing your jeans beneath all that, aren't you?"  
  
"You used to be me," Callista reminded her, feeling a bit cantankerous. "What do _you_ think?"  
  
"I'm thinking your paranoia's going to give everything away." The maid gestured at her appearance in the mirror. "It's not easy to find if you're not looking for it, but if you are then your default ensemble's pretty obvious. At least try to hide the signs so that no one thinks you're expecting to fight?"  
  
Callista sighed but complied, placing one hand on her dress's left shoulder. _"Menu. Edit parameters. Save,"_ she intoned, less for her sake than to make what she was doing a bit clearer---  
  
Reality _shifted_ around her, temporarily obscuring her from sight in a cloud of zeroes and ones. When they faded, any and all signs that her casual clothes were beneath her dress were gone. They were still there, of course, but at the same time they weren't. It was as paradoxically simple as it was complex.  
  
Claire smiled. "That's better. You're looking just fine." She glanced up at her clock. "If that's everything, I need to assist Lady Circe and then get ready myself."  
  
"Do what you have to do," Callista stated as she turned to leave. "See you at ground zero?"  
  
Claire's smile gained a dangerous edge. Her voice and hair stayed the same, but it was clear to Callista that her darker side had taken control, something she couldn't help but grin at. **"Oh,** _ **you'd better believe it."**_  
  
Callista grinned in return, started to open the door...  
  
...then paused as something Claire had said earlier finally sank in, her jaw falling open. "Wait a second. Did you call me 'mother' a few minutes ago?"  
  
Claire smiled playfully and waved good-bye, not saying anything.  
  
/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/  
  
 _Time:_ 2:43p.m.  
 _Location:_ North Maddhouse Recreation Center #2  
  
A human-sized dinosaur with a laser cannon on its head landed in a parking space sized just right for it. Missy, who'd traded in her blue suit for a purple one (complete with a paisley dress tie), dismounted from it and patted the side of its neck. "Stay here until it's time to go," she instructed the lizard. "If you see anyone suspicious heading your way, you're welcome to blast them. ...Y'know what? Blast them anyway. Making them jump never hurt anyone... other than them, of course."  
  
The raptor nodded, turning to growl at an onlooker who had gotten too close. Paying it no mind, Missy made a face at the limousine that was parked next to it and headed on into the building.  
  
The recreation center was on the large-ish side to accomodate as many as possible. There was no less than eight conference rooms, one reserved for the wedding and two more for the reception, and all of them were capable of seating hundreds. There were basketball and tennis courts, batting cages, an ice skating rink large enough for hockey games, several rooms loaded with exercise equipment, a few saunas, and even rooms filled with dartboards, billiards and assorted gaming tables. Had Missy been anyone else, she would've wanted to obtain a membership here in order to use all of its facilities to the fullest.  
  
 _It's almost a shame that this place is going to be razed by the end of the day,_ Missy thought with a twisted grin. _But only almost._ She spied the guestbook posted near the door to Conference Room #1 and made a beeline for it, shoving aside a hapless guest that was too slow to get out of the way. _A lot of these I can get anytime I want. Why should I go to those places when I can make the places come to me?_  
  
 _Come to think of it, that doesn't sound like a bad idea..._  
  
/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/  
  
"...So I walk up to the guy and tell him, 'I'm not playing your games until you tell me what the matter is'. Everyone listening just about falls over like it was the funniest thing they ever heard."  
  
Aldonza's laughter could be heard everywhere in the room, making Zapana shake her head in annoyance. The two of them were in the rec-center's kitchen facilities, Zapana just to hang out and Aldonza to whip up a feast worthy of a reception. The fox blurred around the kitchen, utilizing no less than _thirty_ recipes at once, counting desserts. The average human would've needed an entire staff and hours more time to accomplish what she was doing, but to a Kittenoan packing superspeed, it was as easy and quick as fixing a sandwich.  
  
Zapana for her part stayed out of the way, easily keeping track of her friend's progress. "So orphaned jokes aside, how are things going with you? They buying your act so far?"  
  
"So far, so good," Aldonza confirmed. "Everyone on Marc's side of things believes I'm a bog-standard Violet airhead who just happens to be really good at cooking. I'm still amazed that they're not more observant. I mean, it's not like I haven't trashed massive swathes of landscaping in our fights before."  
  
"People can be remarkably short-sighted sometimes." Zapana glanced about the kitchen for any sign of alcohol, then slouched in disappointment when there was none to be seen. Her ears twitched. "And speaking of re _mark_ ably..."  
  
Aldonza got the hint and slowed herself down to the point that anyone could follow along with her actions. Ten seconds later, the groom himself poked his head into the kitchen.  
  
Marc Maddhouse was just as ugly as advertised, though much of that was due more to scarring and long-healed burns than weight or genetics. His hair was nicely combed and his tuxedo was in order, but those were the only really 'nice' things about him. His attitude when he spoke could be best described as 'smarmy'. "I'm just double-checking to make sure all the food's going to be ready, chef. Will you be finished on time for the reception, or am I going to have to order 'take-out'?"  
  
Aldonza nodded, smiled, and flashed him the 'OK' gesture. Satisfied, he left the kitchen to take his place before the ceremony could begin.  
  
...  
  
Zapana gave her best friend an odd look as soon as she determined that Marc was out of range. "Weren't you the one who told me that gesture's considered obscene in Spain?"  
  
"Not my fault if he's never seen 'The Pod People'," Aldonza said, waving a hand dismissively as she blurred back out of visibility.  
  
Zapana snorted quietly, but left the kitchen without issue to attend to her music equipment and trusting that Aldonza would stick to her role for now. When it came time to _party,_ she wanted to be ready.  
  
/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/  
  
 _I feel like a Chihuahua surrounded by Rottweilers and Dobermans._  
  
After she sat down to wait for the ceremony to commence, Callista took her time to survey the room. The vast majority of the guests were with the groom's camp, and almost startlingly, around ninety percent of that number were male. The remaining ten percent gave every indication to her telepathy that they had been transformed into girls against their will and continued to hold a grudge, looking as if they could bite through metal. _At a guess, Marc hand-picked the ones who would love nothing more than to do away with Muffinville's 'change' slogan. It's hardly fair to the city's male residents who don't care one way or the other what form they have, but these people have no regard for their opinions. Earth only_ _ **wishes**_ _it could meet this sort of extreme._  
  
On the bride's side, Amber had her family with her aside from her husband, Ezekiel, and Echo. The bulk of the guests were members of Circe's staff who approved of the wedding from the get-go, though Callista also recognized a short and muscular, four-armed gray-haired lady from her side-job as a PFL competitor. She noticed that Missy was sitting nearest to the door, glowering at anyone who dared stare at her for too long. Things seemed about right.  
  
...Though she dearly hoped Missy didn't start yelling "Death to the fuku!" at any point. _Really wish I knew what she was thinking when she picked_ _ **that**_ _suit in particular. Even when Himitsu isn't around anymore, he's_ _ **still**_ _driving people insane._  
  
"Callista Wilson-Metallium?"  
  
The shopfreak looked up and to her left to regard the stone-faced guest that addressed her. "Yes, sir?"  
  
The guest glanced from side to side, then lowered his voice until it was almost inaudible. "Don't tell anyone, but I'm a closet fan of yours. Sign something for me after the wedding?"  
  
Callista nodded minutely, just enough for him to catch it. Outwardly the man scowled on his way back to his seat, but it didn't take much to sense his happiness or the reasons for it. _Much as I hate having fans chase after me, this might actually turn out to be a boon._  
  
With nothing to do for another five minutes or so, her thoughts continued to wander. Unlike her home Earth, Muffinville didn't have any specific standards for weddings. Pretty much anything would do, as long as it looked official, and the standards of those getting married either sunk or rose to match depending on their circumstances. Callista allotted Doris Sturm some points for talking Marc and Circe into having this instead of going the 'Vegas' route and, not having seen any sign of the gyroid since she'd arrived, made a note to save a portion of the wedding cake for her as well.  
  
 _First one I've been to since my oldest sister got married in 1994,_ she mused. _I wasn't even invited to Aldonza's wedding, but then again that was a Kittenoa affair, so I didn't mind._  
  
\--"The first one I've been to, _period,"_ \-- Kaoru commented. --"I didn't know they were so... grandiose."--  
  
 _I was going to say 'ostentatious', but yeah. 'Grandiose' works. How are the Copycats faring? Depending on how things go, I might need the Dark one's help today._  
  
\--"They're both ready and waiting. They just need the proper conditions."-- Kaoru whistled. --"Maddhouse sure has a way of uniting enemies, doesn't he?"--  
  
Deep in Callista's subconscious, the darker facets of her personality given physical form paced and growled. _**\--"Well, duh!"--**_ she uttered menacingly. _**\--"I hate Maddhouse more than I hate Bright Eyes over here. I wouldn't miss this for the universe!"--**_  
  
Her lighter side, by contrast, stood still with her arms folded. Her voice was much calmer and borderline melodious. _\--"I won't say I hate him. Let's just call it a severe dislike. You know the drill: reach the appropriate state of mind, and we'll help you."--_  
  
 _That's all the confirmation I need, you two. Thanks._ Callista noticed Ellen enter the room from a side door, and heard the crowd settling down. _Stay frosty, y'all. Looks like we're ready._  
  
...  
  
Ellen was... remarkably _sharp_. Her dress was a very light purple, almost white, and on first glance appeared to be made of overlapping metallic scales that reflected the room's lighting every which way. Lavender eyeliner and hexagon-shaped amethyst earrings decorated her face appropriately. The only thing throwing off her appearance was a bandage around her upper arm, lightly stained a dark red and looking as if she'd sustained a recent injury there.  
  
 _Glad she's taking things seriously. That high-octane control over paper she has is pretty creepy, but unless Maddhouse has higher connections than we thought, no one in his pocket can harm her._  
  
Ellen took a moment to bow to the guests as if she were a concert pianist, getting raised eyebrows from most of them, then seated herself before the organ someone had hauled in. Wringing her hands and taking a deep breath, she settled down and began to play.  
  
Most of those in the room did double-takes. Her mother--whom Callista noticed was decked out in a pearl necklace, a knee-length black dress and opera gloves that made her look dignified, plus a feather boa that _didn't_ \--hustled over to the organ. "Look, I know we all hate the man," Amber snarled in a tone that was inaudible to all but the first few rows, "but I don't think the _Funeral March_ is what we need to hear. We need something more upbeat!"  
  
Ellen regarded her mother for a few seconds before complying. "Try to find a middle range," Amber interrupted before she got too far in. "'Happy Organ' is a little _too_ upbeat."  
  
Ellen sighed softly. "...I can't have any fun," she murmured, shifting melodies and tempos even as a few of those in attendance chuckled. The song that she finally settled on was a rendition of [Pachelbel's Canon in D](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZRuqT_kRns), and Amber finally stalked back to her seat, muttering about 'uppity stoic teenagers' under her breath.  
  
With that bit of levity out of the way, the procession finally began.  
  
...  
  
...  
  
Events proceeded as normal, with a few outliers.  
  
Marc went down the aisle first, with his best man not too far behind. Callista immediately had to shut down her telepathy temporarily, as the thoughts she was registering from Maddhouse were making her want to retch. The slight burning she could feel from her scars told her that she'd acted almost too late, and it took most of her willpower not to shift to her hybrid form and scream in anger.  
  
 _And in addition to that, he seems a little bit_ _ **too**_ _familiar...!_  
  
For some reason she hadn't detected anything from the best man himself, immediately making her wary of him. She pegged him as someone to watch out for as events continued apace.  
  
...  
  
When Viridi took her turn walking down the aisle, scattering flowers as she went, it was with a surprising amount of dignity. It made sense to Callista, since as the Goddess of Nature she was supposed to be able to show manners when the situation called for it. This was a veneer, of course, but a good one.  
  
As Viridi passed, one of the flowers she tossed 'accidentally' landed on Callista's shoulder. They traded brief but meaningful looks as they passed, Viridi disguising hers with a sneer before continuing on her way. Shrugging, Calli placed the flower in her hair; to almost anyone it would seem like a bit of whimsy, but what they wouldn't know is that it had a purpose of its own.  
  
...  
  
Claire seemed... _exceedingly_ outside of her element when she passed by, sweat on her brow and her face red. Callista wasn't sure if it had anything to do with the turquoise get-up she was in, given that her fairly wide maid's uniform was synonymous with her, or if she was just very nervous about what she knew was coming. _Take it easy there, girl,_ she transmitted. _Don't let things get to you. We're all here._  
  
This seemed to ease a bit of her stress, though not all of it. Claire's walk was a little less stiff, which Calli took as a victory. The rest of the bridesmaids continued their course, unknowing of what just happened.   
  
...  
  
When it came Circe's turn to walk down the aisle, Callista silently approved of the wedding dress she was in. Given that it had been Claire who chose it, it made sense that it would be significantly more modest than what was on the market in Muffinville these days. _I don't even need my Censors for this,_ she thought. _Nice._  
  
Though she _did_ wonder at the statement Claire and Maxine ( _Madison,_ she forcefully reminded herself) had been trying to make by giving her the 'Princess Leia' hairstyle. _...Well, whatever. Not my problem._  
  
...  
  
Finally, Ellen's performance came to a graceful end. She stood up, gave the audience another bow--which actually garnered a light round of applause that time--and nodded at the priest, who had taken his post at the podium while the procession was ongoing. With nothing more to do, she sat down in a seat Amber had saved for her nearest to the wall.  
  
The priest himself seemed nearly skeletal, was dressed in black, had short spiky hair and a slight reddish tint to his eyes. To Callista's eyes, he had no sense of humor and seemed completely unmoved by Ellen's antics. Just to make sure he wasn't going to be a problem, she took a moment to check his mind; satisfied with what she found, she relaxed a fraction and clasped her hands together.  
  
Seemingly happy to get this under way, the priest began his speech. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to..."  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
With no obvious effort exerted despite the distance between them, Callista mentally connected herself to Phosphora and Bahija. _Showtime, folks. Let's begin._  
  
 _The confirmation phrase?_ the both of them asked.  
  
The flower in Callista's hair glowed softly, providing proof that she had the authority to issue orders on Viridi's behalf. And since Bahija was an obsessive masochist when it came to her, they knew she would go along with it anyway... though the tone of voice Callista used when giving the code phrase still made them shiver in fear.  
  
 _ **Pecking Order.**_


	5. Ch. 5: It's Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time.
> 
> It's time.
> 
> It's playoff time, Muffinville. Let's go to work.

_Time:_ 3:07p.m.  
  
[A pair of complicated man-made satellites](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbA7aVQyICU) hung in orbit over the Muffin Continent, a fancily-designed logo in the shape of a face decorating them on one side. They hung silently, doing their work every day as they had for years. That long-running performance would not last too much longer.  
  
A gigantic dark blue dragon, as tall as a sports stadium and as long as an entire town, approached from the planet below and spat volleys of magic missiles at them. The projectiles struck with surgical precision, each one targetting specific points and destabilizing the satellites permanently. As they fell from orbit, the dragon shone brightly and vanished back down to Muffinville in a teleport.  
  
The crews of the nearby fleet of spaceships ignored the dragon's presence, doing nothing aside from making a note of it for their records. They knew why it had been there, and though they despised it, they despised the source of the satellites even more.  
  
...  
  
The brilliant glow on the planet's surface receded, and a bipedal figure strolled forward without any hurry. Massive clawed feet on a body of grass-green, white and teal, with fur, feathers and scales protecting her from many types of harm. An arrogant sneer worthy of the elite, and a thin blue aura about her that echoed Muffinville's penchant for change. She knew who she was, and she was proud of it.  
  
As one of the satellites crashed straight into the cell phone tower before her, her only response was to smirk. And as flaming debris and broken metal smashed into her, she continued marching forwards--tearing her way on through with nothing but the force of her walk, extinguishing the flames nearest to her with a snap of her fingers. As she left the destruction behind, she scooped up a handful of snow off the ground, then waited a few moments before shoving it into her face.  
  
The change from 'draconian ex-warlord' to 'mild-mannered sheep girl' was instantaneous. Bahija tapped a microphone that was pre-clipped to her uniform's collar. "Missy? It's me. Satellite communications are down and the corresponding towers are totaled, so he's not calling for outside help anytime soon. I'm heading back to HQ."  
  
Bahija switched off the mike, wiped off what snow was still on her face, walked away---  
  
 **"GYYYAAAAAHHH!"**  
  
\---and screamed as a fiery spark that she'd missed hit the back of her neck. Panicking, she dove into the nearest snow bank to smother it. _**"Turned back too soon, turned back too soon!"**_  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
 _Location:_ Aryu-Madd Tech, Inc. Main HQ  
  
It was no secret to the company's higher-ranked executives that Mr. Maddhouse planned to marry a sorceress that day, much less one with Muffinville's largest 'Maid Corps', as some called it. Neither did they not know that he intended to drain Circe's business ventures and estate dry, disposing of anyone who didn't fit in or gave any indication they weren't interested in a merger. They fully supported Marc come what may, they benefited from it, and they sent the careers of those that didn't down in flames.  
  
That was assuming, of course, that the white-collared grunts ever found out what their bosses were doing. In most cases they didn't, which was all to the good; a business can't run without employees, after all.  
  
So it was with some trepidation that a snappily dressed blonde secretary entered the 15th-floor office of her immediate superior and placed a report before him. "Mr. Kloch, I realize that you probably don't want to hear this..."  
  
"You're right. I don't." Her boss waved her off. "I'm making sure our stocks are in order, so if you don't mind..."  
  
"This transcends the stock market, sir," the secretary answered icily. "Looking at this for ten seconds isn't going to kill you or the company."  
  
The boss growled in severe irritation, but he turned from his computer and grabbed the report to read it. His eyes narrowed. "What... is this? Is this your idea of a joke?"  
  
"This is no joke, sir," the secretary informed him. "As of five minutes ago, 95% of all employees in the corporation, counting our subsidiaries, have handed in their resignations en masse and cut all ties with us. This includes 98% of everyone here in this building: the only ones left are Mr. Maddhouse; Mrs. Aryu, who is presently incapacitated; the board of directors--counting you--and a handful of workers and managers with no common sense, ethics, or morality whatsoever."  
  
Mr. Kloch's eyes started twitching, and he got up and stormed over to his window. Sure enough, the parking lot was nearly deserted. Not counting the executives and the secretary herself, he could only count four or five cars within his field of view, and the last few stragglers were just turning onto the road. "What in the name of... wait. Mrs. Aryu was 'incapacitated', you said?"  
  
The secretary nodded. "Yes. I found her two blocks down the street cocooned in enough rope and chains to turn her into a volleyball, a mask laced in Carolina reaper extract around her nose and mouth, and a fifty sheet double-sided, legal-sized, single-spaced report detailing everything she was complicit with attached to her bindings. _In a seven-point font,_ no less."  
  
Mr. Kloch's face turned beet red, and he slammed his fists on his desk. "We need to end this emergency before it gets worse! Call Mr. Maddhouse and inform him of this immediately! Never mind that wedding of his, just do it!"  
  
The secretary shook her head, withdrawing her cellphone and pointing to a disheartening symbol in one corner. "I've tried. None of my calls are going through. And believe it or not, that's not even the worst part of all this."  
  
"If that's not, then _what_ _ **is?!"**_  
  
The cellphone dropped to the floor, and the woman smiled dangerously as she pointed at the ceiling. Her voice shifted from cold and businesslike to 'Valley Girl'-esque as an electrical spark grew on her fingertip. _"I'm not even your secretary, little shrimp."_  
  
Mr. Kloch's eyes widened. "Who--"  
  
...  
  
Anyone who was looking at the building was forced to avert their eyes as a gargantuan lightning strike lit up the tower from the inside out. Storm protection meant nothing against an attack of this magnitude and direction.  
  
A bolt exited out the 15th story a split second later, just in time to escape the tower's implosion and collapse. It came to rest a few blocks away, depositing a collection of sizzling figures--scorched and trembling but alive--atop the trussed-up volleyball that was Mrs. Aryu. _Lady Viridi, Maddhouse's headquarters has sunk into its hindquarters,_ Phosphora reported, taking a moment to get her hair in order. _That makes all of them, so I'm taking a break._  
  
Her message sent, the "Lightning Flash" entered the doughnut shop she was in front of. Several people were seated on stools at the counter. One was Ritsu Hasano, who was typing at blinding speed on a holographic laptop; Phosphora greeted her with a high five and a thumbs up. The other was the woman that she'd impersonated, who was staring at nothing over a jelly doughnut and a cup of coffee. "So, no hard feelings about making you lose your job? I mean, that's gotta hurt, doesn't it?" Viridi's greatest ally wondered.  
  
The ex-secretary shook her head. "Are you kidding me? That out there's the most gratifying thing I've seen in years."  
  
...  
  
...  
  
Phosphora scratched the back of her head. "So, ah... I guess I owe you a new cell phone. Sorry?"  
  
Ritsu continued typing with one hand even as she facepalmed with the other.  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
Aldonza finished wheeling the last of the food into the reception area, setting it in its proper place and making sure it was still covered. At the far end of the room, she could see Zapana was wrapping up her equipment testing; faintly she could hear the priest giving his speech, signifying that the ceremony was still in progress. _Four, three, two, one, ze--_  
  
 _Fox, it's time,_ Viridi's voice told her. _Be ready to do your part._  
  
Aldonza stooped down behind the table, opening a hidden hatch in the wall that she'd been told about well ahead of time. _Always am,_ she answered gleefully, pulling a bottle of A&W root beer--of all things--out of the compartment.  
  
 _I don't get why Callista keeps soda pop in completely random places,_ Viridi wondered. _How long ago did she set this one up? Five years? Six?_  
  
 _Seven,_ Aldonza told her. _Right after the place was first built._  
  
 _Seven years ago. That should have been long enough for any drinks kept there to lose any flavor or value they had. Last I checked, that uber-brain of hers couldn't see the future, so there should have been no way she could foresee herself resorting to these measures now!_  
  
 _It's Muffinville._ Aldonza gave the bottle a good shake, just enough for the root beer to fizz, then gently placed the bottle near the wall where she could hear the speech. _It's Callista. More to the point, it's us Kittenoans. Deal with us long enough, and you'll realize that we have a habit of making raspberries in the face of local reality,_ she transmitted as she retreated out of the room, taking up a position outside of the ersatz ceremonial hall.  
  
 _Really wish I could say I wasn't beginning to understand that..._  
  
Aldonza didn't bother answering as her extra-long tail unraveled from its cinnamon roll-like position, pointing itself at the door she was facing. She focused, tapping into the superspeed that her mutant genetics afforded her and applying it to her brain and reflexes. If she was going to react to what was about to happen, her timing was going to have to be perfect.  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
Half-listening to the priest, Callista let her mind wander to other topics. If anything happened she trusted Kaoru to alert her, but for now she didn't care about what was being said. In light of the circumstances, much of it was hogwash anyway.  
  
Despite her infamous prudishness and the rumors surrounding her, Callista was not against the idea of having a family of her own. If anything, the concept of "family" was a big thing to her: in her mind, only the ever-present urges to raid the nearest department store--or refrigerator, for that matter--held more importance. However, actually getting married was completely out the window. Unlike Amber, she didn't feel like she would be able to fulfill anything that would be expected of her as a wife, as the habits that her transformation ingrained in her rendered her too free-spirited and off-kilter (plus the antics of her adoptive family rendering her somewhat insane). Mentally she was too scarred to even _consider_ having children the natural way. In addition, having any of _her_ worst traits passed onto prospective kids filled her with a quiet terror.  
  
That wasn't to say she didn't have at least _a little_ experience raising someone. Several years past, a human-like robot programmed with the basics of her personality (plus an odd speech quirk) had turned up in Muffinville. Callista was quick to obtain her from her original owners and take her under her wing. She gave the robot a visual makeover and a new name to differentiate the two of them, gave her a home, took the time to teach her what it meant to live, and kept tabs on her as time passed; last she heard, the robot was the owner and head cook of a small but busy hamburger joint elsewhere in the city.   
  
However, it wasn't quite the same as having a child of her own flesh and blood, of having someone that depended on her for life and sustenance.  
  
Her eyes turned to Claire, who had addressed her as "mother" earlier that day. Near the start of the last decade, Callista had gotten a little too eager on a shopping trip and accidentally transformed herself into a maid as a result. After a time, the Infinite Defense split off everything that constituted that part of herself and placed it in a clone body while filling in the gaps with a portion of her personality, reverting Callista back to normal. The eager-to-please houseworker with the floor-length lampshade-esque dress would take the name "Claire de Loon" and seek out part-time employment with Circe, eventually becoming a full-time member of her staff at the Manor.  
  
Claire calling her "mother" was done on a playful whim, but Callista couldn't shake the thought that it was more real than she realized at first. She massaged her forehead, shaking it slowly. _I've been focusing way too much on myself these past thirteen years..._  
  
Kaoru interrupted her before she could get further. -"Oi, Calli. You awake? The priest is getting to the quote-unquote 'good part'."-  
  
Callista brought her head up, eyebrows furrowed. _Just like old times,_ she thought, the words shielded from Kaoru's hearing. Her hands tightened as she registered the tail-end of Aldonza's conversation with Viridi. _Rock it and roll it._  
  
The time for pondering and mental soliloquies had finally passed. As the Detroit Pistons used to put it, it was time to go to work.  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
"...Do you, Marc, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love, cherish and deeply respect for as long as you both live?"  
  
Marc's smile was equal parts eager, ambitious, and dangerous. "I do."  
  
"Do you, Circe, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love, cherish and deeply respect for as long as you both live?"  
  
By contrast, Circe's smile was almost alien in the eyes of those who knew her: genuinely happy, with the faintest tinge of mist in her eyes. "I do."  
  
"And so it is, with all the power vested in me by the city of Muffinville, I now pronounce you... _dumb and dumber."_  
  
...  
  
Both Marc and Circe started at this statement, eyes widening before they fixed the priest with a withering warning of a glare. "Mind repeating yourself?" the former said slowly, one hand reaching for the hem of his tuxedo.  
  
The priest's face split into an unnaturally creepy smirk as some in the audience began to murmur. "Dumb and dumber, moron and dolt, fool and foolish, and all sorts of synonyms to describe just how thoroughly and utterly _finished_ you two are as human beings. _You,"_ he stated, addressing Marc, "have about as much regard for life as people do for garbage. And _you,"_ he said as he turned his eyes on Circe, "look like an escapee from a fairy tale gone horrendously wrong." He directed his final words at the both of them. "Letting you two kiss would be disastrous, and letting this ceremony finish would be a crime."  
  
Both bride and groom were furious, but it was the latter who acted. Gritting his teeth in anger, Marc yanked a pistol out from beneath his coat, aimed and fired---but the bullet met no resistance, passing through the priest and burying itself in the wall behind him. The priest did not drop his smile. "So to be frank? _You two have been had~."_  
  
And before everyone's eyes, the priest faded into smoke... only to be replaced by a happily grinning Gengar that hovered in mid-air. The ghost Pokémon opened its mouth wide and draped his blanket-sized tongue across the both of them, earning gasps from most of those who saw it, then cackled and vanished from the physical plane.  
  
Marc shuddered and fell to his knees, his gun falling from his hand as the paralyzation from the Gengar's Lick attack kicked in. "%$&@#... that was no clergyman! Who let him in?!"  
  
"I recognize that laugh," Circe answered, grimacing as she fought off the paralyzation before it could take hold, though she still needed the help of a bridesmaid in staying upright for a moment. "Vacuum... _Ambush Cat, you son of a...!"_  
  
Circe's curse was cut short by an explosion as the A&W bottle Aldonza had placed detonated. This wasn't the overly-fizzy type of explosion that one would expect from a carbonated beverage; this was an honest-to-goodness _bomb blast_ that wiped out most of the wall between the conference rooms, showering much of the immediate area with debris. The bridal party, who was seated close to where the blast had gone off, panicked and tried to shield themselves to no avail. Only Viridi stayed put, smiling--  
  
One of the room's side doors was thrown open, allowing a tremendous wind to billow forth. The debris was caught, impaling itself in the far wall instead of harming those that were on-stage. The wind was so precisely directed that no one felt so much as a breeze.  
  
The room was silent before someone in the audience shrieked: _"What in Xia's name is going on here?!"_  
  
["...What this is,"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjA5faZF1A8) Ellen spoke up as she stood up, getting everyone's attention, "is an intervention."  
  
Amber was next, she and her other kids standing up as they took the cue. She didn't acknowledge the _look_ Marc's best man gave her. "It's a chance to correct a mistake."  
  
Claire followed suit on-stage, wincing at the betrayal she could see in Circe's eyes. "It's time to do what's right, not necessarily what gets approval."  
  
A brief flare of green light, and Viridi had warped next to her adoptive family. "It's an opportunity for a good old-fashioned cleansing."  
  
Sinister laughing pierced the minds of all present. "It's utter chaos waiting to happen," Missy chortled as she sat on the shoulder of the person next to her, stonewalling any attempts to get her off.  
  
Feedback erupted from the reception area. "For the lack of anything clever to add, it's a disease and we're the cure," Zapana chimed in over the speakers. "Pictures of you, anyone?"  
  
"It's time to par-tay," Aldonza announced as she sauntered into the room, flashing a victory sign at Maddhouse's mounting fury. Her deliberately airheaded voice reeked of mockery. "Like a boss!"  
  
"But above all else? It's time to take out the trash." Callista pointed directly at Marc as she stood, the full ramifications of her presence finally sinking into everyone's heads. The smile she sported showed all of her teeth. "You listening, Infinite Defense? _Let's bruise his ego."_  
  
/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/  
  
Panic quickly rose in those not involved with the sabotage. Some were in attendance to see the culmination of yet another plan by their head honcho, others were there out of respect for their Lady, and everyone wanted to enjoy themselves during the reception. An attack headed by the adoptive sister of the Purple One was not part of their itinerary, though they should have expected something like this to happen. Life in Muffinville was rarely, if at all, uneventful.  
  
Thankfully, a solution didn't take long to present itself. "Ladies, gentlemen, and whatever the blazes the rest of you are!" Zapana called into the microphone. "We've got food over there, music over here, and violence where you are! If you value your lives--if you can even _call_ them that--get in here and salvage what you can! Trust me, the food's delicious! Go, go, _go!"_  
  
Most of the guests stampeded through the hole in the wall, eager to get away from the ensuing violence. Some did not: a chunk of Marc's loyalists stood up, either arming themselves with previously concealed weapons or preparing themselves for a fight in their own ways. Ellen was already moving to intercept them, and with the confidence with which she walked was any indication, Callista felt she could safely leave things in her hands.  
  
A handful of Circe's maids that were in the audience, plus a member of the bridal party who looked both cute and psychotic, didn't take their mistress's wedding day being thrown into chaos very well. They turned their attention to Callista and leapt at her, screaming in righteous fury. This normally would've seemed laughable, but she knew that in Muffinville it was a 50/50 chance as to whether a given person was a serious threat. The fact that the psychotic one had donned a pair of gloves with knife tips sticking out of the fingers led credence to that.  
  
As such, Callista morphed Shape-Shifter from a purse into a serving tray in order to deflect their attacks off her. When need be, she bobbed and weaved away from them or used whatever means she could to evade them without seriously harming them. They were quick, but compared to one of the Pokémorph Fighting League's regulars, they didn't have much going for them. _Unlike Marc's faction, they don't know what's really going on. I don't know whether that's because Claire deliberately didn't inform them or else wasn't able to, but either way I need to take them out of the fight without hurting them._  
  
Thanks to one of Raleigh's potions some years before, she had the full unlocked power of her brain at her disposal, with everything that entailed. There were likely stronger espers and telepaths than her in Muffinville, but she had never been inclined to seek them out. What she _did_ have made for an extremely potent resource, and anyone who confronted her underestimated her at their peril.  
  
This is how Callista was able to tap all of her attackers' minds simultaneously even as she continued to dodge. Tiring them out physically would take too long for the situation at hand, but she could fool their brains by falsifying the signals they received from their bodies, making them feel as if their energy reserves were much lower than they really were.  
  
As the seconds passed, she could tell that her efforts were being rewarded. The attackers were stumbling around more than charging, and one in question made no effort in hiding a tremendous yawn. "Something... something's wrooong," the maid whined. "My eyes just... they just wanna shut."  
  
"Y-yeah," the psychotic one mumbled, sounding increasingly exhausted. "I c-can't... stay awake. M-maybe a couple minutes w-wouldn't hurt...?"  
  
"Good-night audience, see you next week," muttered a third, just before the group collapsed to the ground one by one.  
  
Callista backed away a step, brushing some imagined dust off her dress even as Circe's maid of honor approached. "I'm really sorry about all of this," Madison apologized, scales glimmering a bit in the light. "I didn't think they'd be this high-strung. Want me to get them out of harm's way while you do... whatever it is you're doing?"  
  
"Please."  
  
/-/-/  
  
/-/-/  
  
Ellen stayed calm and collected even as two dozen well-dressed men (and two disgruntled women) bore down on her. "...You realize that you're not accomplishing anything by this," she warned. "...You're behaving as if _I'm_ one of the linchpins of this operation."  
  
"You're the one with more brainpower than almost everyone else here," one of them spat, switching off the safety on his gun. "Don't give me that #$&%. We take you out---"  
  
"---then my mother will give you all a fate far worse than any transformation you could undergo," Ellen interrupted, foregoing her standard hesitation in favor of an ultimatum. "So here's how things are going to work. You have two options with four total outcomes. You stand down and walk away, and we can all pretend none of you threatened me. Might even become friends of the family provided you rethink your lives.   
  
"...Or, you could try to fight someone who was taught not just by one of the more _knowledgeable_ bookworms in fiction, but also one of the oldest people in the multiverse." Ellen's deck of cards flew free of its holster as she continued to speak. "If you lose, the least you'll give up is your dignity and pride. On the off chance you bested me, you'll have to deal with a parent who makes a _hobby_ out of disproportionate retribution. And in the _very_ minuscule chance you were able to defeat her..." Her eyes seemed to glitter a little. "... _Then there's nothing saving you from the wrath of godpapa Raleigh._ So I'm going to close my eyes for about three seconds or so. When I open them again, the lot of you had better be withdrawing. I'm not going to warn you a second time."  
  
Her message delivered, Ellen shut her eyes---  
  
The thunderous noises of guns being fired roared in her ears. Her eyes still closed, she manipulated seven cards to intercept the shots. Six of the cards outright stopped them, their composition adjusting to something tougher than diamonds and reducing the bullets' velocity to nothing. The seventh split the final bullet into quarters and caused the pieces to veer off harmlessly in four directions.  
  
While her defense was ongoing, Ellen went on the offensive. Almost half of her remaining cards shot forwards, disarming her attackers of their weapons in a way that could only be described as _total evisceration_. The debris of guns and blades clattered to the floor, including a machete that had been precisely divided into six pieces _length-wise._ All the while her mouth was moving, whispering words at incomprehensible speeds.  
  
 _ **One.**_  
  
Three of the attackers were apparently skilled at ki manipulation, as they were able to snap off quick energy blasts straight at her face. Three of her cards deftly sliced through the projectiles in a flurry, reducing them to harmless particles without any impact.  
  
 _ **Two.**_  
  
All of the cards collected themselves in front of Ellen before proceeding to _dance._ The bandage around her forearm _disintegrated_ , revealing not an injury of some kind but a thoroughly unmarred and completely inked-black crescent moon tattoo. The edges of the tattoo glowed and pulsed with each movement the cards made, explaining why she was able to keep perfect track of them all even with her eyes closed.  
  
One day, she would accomplish this without the aid of magic... but for now, this would do just fine.  
  
 _ **Three.**_  
  
Several things happened in quick succession. First, Missy, Aldonza and Zapana started laughing their heads off while Viridi sounded like she was unsuccessfully retching.   
  
Second, both Callista and Amber screeched indignantly from elsewhere in the room: _"Ellen Harrison, what in Michigan do you think you're doing?!"_  
  
Third and finally, the screeches were echoed by those that had thought the little brainiac had been easy prey. A torrent of hastened footsteps later, and the rec center was emptier by twenty-six people. Only then did Ellen decide to open her eyes, satisfied with her work but unwilling to see the end result. Her tattoo stopped glowing as she returned her cards to their holster.  
  
Both shopaholic and parent were quick to get into her face, their visages vermillion. "What was that all about? There are better ways to defeat opponents than by resorting to the modesty angle, you know!" Callista hissed, a pair of sunglasses over her eyes. The shades in question had been specially created by the Infinite Defense at her request, screening out anything the wearer deemed indecent. Given Muffinville's tendencies towards exposed skin and Callista's morality, this happened fairly often.  
  
Ellen was unmoved by their rage and embarrassment. "...I would rather the local law didn't get on my case for using 'Jerry's Revenge' to its fullest extent on those no-name lowlifes. I decided using the law against them was a much stronger deterrent than anything I could accomplish by violence alone."  
  
One of Amber's eyebrows raised. For some reason, she wasn't as mad as she should've been; normally she would've still been steaming. "And that would be...?"  
  
Ellen manipulated some scraps of paper that had blown into the room since the fight began, shaping them into a pair of floating boxing gloves. "...My presence in high school notwithstanding, I'm technically jailbait by virtue of being a 12-year-old. Muffinville's standards may be low, but not so low that they forego punishment for anyone who exposes themselves to a minor, let alone in public. Last I checked, anyone who does that--voluntarily or otherwise--pays a large fine and spends at least twenty years in prison." Her eyes met theirs. "...And they know that."  
  
"I'm not sure whether to be angry or proud," Amber murmured, visibly conflicted. Next to her, Callista was clawing the air with her hands and making a strange noise that sounded like a gurgling balloon animal. The narrator knows not how this is possible.  
  
"...How about 'prangry'?" Ellen suggested as she glanced at Circe, who had just finished curing Marc of his paralyzation and was finally getting her act together. "...You treat me to my favorite dessert tonight and tomorrow while setting my curfew to 5:30pm for the next week?"  
  
Amber made a show of thinking about it before shrugging. "Alright, we'll go with that... but what would you have done if they'd just fought on anyway?"  
  
Callista finally finished venting her rage with an "ARRRGGGHHH!" and stormed off, telekinetically throwing all of the chairs in her path aside and viciously tearing into a pack of fig bars she'd had on her person.  
  
Ellen snorted quietly. "...That's what we have _her_ for."  
  
"...Fair enough."  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
The invited guests were hardly Marc and Circe's first line of defense. The former had no shortage of security guards wandering around both inside and out of the building, and the violence that broke out was noisy enough to warrant their attention. Though the group of guests that fled after Ellen had finished dealing with them distracted them for a few moments, they didn't take too long to recover and charge into the lobby...  
  
...just to run headlong into an argument in the otherwise abandoned room. "...Anyway, Ivy-sour, I don't give a rat's keister what you think!" Missy shouted, gesturing repeatedly with her staff. "I get the first twenty while _you_ can stuff your face with popcorn!"  
  
"You _dare_ deprive me of the satisfaction of watching that scum boil in their own misery?" Viridi barked back, a grass-green aura about her. The now-empty basket she'd been holding her flowers in was lying on its side, forgotten. "No! _I'm_ taking the first twenty and raising you one, no questions asked!"  
  
"I'll raise you _infinity_ if that's what it takes to shut yer yap!" Missy snatched a falling rubber trout that had materialized out of the air and pointed it at Viridi fin-first. "You could use a good marvel now and again!"  
  
"Come again, capcom? I can't hear you over the sound of your whining!" Viridi returned, sneering as her own staff appeared in her hand. "You want to have a smashing good time? I'm game!"  
  
One suicidally stupid guard picked that moment to speak. "So, is this what they call 'puppy love' these days?"  
  
His compatriots' jaws dropped, but Missy and Viridi didn't even bother turning to look at the guards, instead pointing their staves in their general direction. _**"Mega Brand**_ _ **/**_ _ **Bouldara!"**_  
  
Dual explosions of earth and rock erupted from beneath the hapless guards, launching them and half the lobby across several miles of cityscape. Given the nature of Muffinville and the training they'd received, there was no question that they'd survive the trip. As Ranma Saotome and Team Rocket could testify to, however, it wasn't necessarily going to be a pleasant landing.  
  
None of this put a dent in their discussion, continuing as if the guards had never been there. "Look, I don't care what you say. If you're going to best _me_ on the field of onion, you'd better bring your A-game!" Missy stated. "First one to twenty gets the home field advantage, and I'll _still_ end up winning!"  
  
"Hmph! Not even in your dreams," Viridi huffed, folding her arms. "But I guess I'll humor you." Her voice gained an echo, signifying that she was getting someone's attention. "Had to show Missy what's what and who's who, but I'm ready. Where's the rest of Maddhouse's contingent?"  
  
The sound of a hand saying 'hi' to a face echoed back across the connection.  
  
"...What? What is it?" Viridi asked with genuine confusion, Missy mirroring her befuddlement.  
  
-"Let's just say the idiot factory is experiencing nine kinds of malfunctions right now,"- Zapana griped, -"and the both of you are in the middle of it. Look at the entrance."-  
  
The both of them did as instructed, taking in the aftermath of their combined attack. Starting six feet away, there was a jagged crater that reached into the parking lot. _Everything_ between the two points had been blasted away. The force behind their actions had been tightly controlled, so it said plenty that the damage was limited to that when most of the property could easily have been wiped out. Missy's raptor steed picked that moment to poke his head into view from outside, snarling something questioningly.  
  
"Did we do that?" the dumbfounded Brotherhood leader asked in her best Steve Urkel voice, arms hanging limp.  
  
Viridi nodded slowly. "I... guess we did. I wasn't paying attention."  
  
-"That joint attack of yours cleared out all of Maddhouse's guards... check that. There's still a few left down in the basement, and from the sounds of things they're getting something ready. That Machamp-lady in the ceremony hall looks like she's itching to battle someone, but aside from that the only ones left with a bone to pick are Marc and Circe themselves, _and oh-ho-ho-boy_ are they giving me some wicked stares right now."-  
  
"Then let's not give them any rest," Missy said impatiently. "Where's Aldonza and Claire?"  
  
-"Claire's trying to locate something she can fight with, though I don't know how successful she'll be... Ellen was thorough on that front. Aldonza's getting the rest of the building evacuated."-  
  
"So what about you?" Viridi inquired. "You just going to sit there and play your music?"  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
"These people just had their day thrown every which way," Zapana pointed out, watching as the guests and most of the bridal party helped themselves to Aldonza's cooking. The maids that Callista had lulled to sleep were just starting to wake up. "Might as well make sure it isn't a total loss for them. Wasn't aware you cared about any of that, though."  
  
-"I don't. I just want to make sure I know where everyone is before we bring our armaments to bear. Unlike the screwball here, I honor any agreements I make with allies."-  
  
-"I hope you suffer a volcanic eruption, Captain Planet!"-  
  
 _-"What did you just cal---"-_ Viridi started to shout, remembering to cut off communications before the argument escalated much more. Not that it did any good, since Zapana could still hear them bickering.  
  
Deciding to forget about them for now, Zapana toggled her microphone and addressed the guests. "So, how's the food treating everyone?"  
  
"Delicious!"  
  
"Definitely taking some with me!"  
  
"Food, food, glorious food!"  
  
Zapana made a note to direct their thanks to Aldonza when they had the time. "Excellent, excellent. It's a little too soon to dance, but how about some background music? Care for a listen, y'all?"  
  
"Yeah, you know it!"  
  
"Gotta be better than the garbage they play nowadays!"  
  
"Make it good, wolf-girl!"  
  
A smile. "BGM it is!" Zapana crowed, selecting [one song in particular](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxOnbpWVELU) and starting it up.  
  
A few seconds in, Callista was heard groaning from the wedding hall. _"That_ song, Zapana? Really? Couldn't you have picked something better?"  
  
 _Guess there's no accounting for taste._ "You gotta admit, it fits Muffinville _perfectly!"_ Zapana shouted back.  
  
"...It's almost sad that I can't argue with tha---whoa!" Callista started to gripe, cutting herself off in order to evade a flurry of punches from the Machamp-lady. Hairless skin gave way to cream-colored fur, and purple ears, ruff and tail took shape as she shifted to her Delcatty-hybrid form. "Now's not the time, but if you wanna fight, come on and bring it!"  
  
Zapana reclined in her seat, propping her feet up next to her stereo. Her fingers tapped one arm in time with the music. _Nothing like a brawl set to a good time._


	6. Ch. 6: Belligerence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because sometimes, all you really want is a spot of cooperation.

"...Can't believe I'm finding myself agreeing with them," Marc growled, increasingly annoyed at how everything was going the wrong way. "That song fits Muffinville a little too well."  
  
"Is there some way we could _end_ this nonsense, boss?" his best man rumbled, idly scratching at his chin stubble. "We don't have time to delay any further and hope the situation works itself out on its own. It's pretty far gone now."  
  
"That we don't. Circe, see if you can keep those kids off our backs," Marc suggested, surveying their surroundings to see who would make the biggest targets of opportunity.  
  
Circe turned to follow suit, briefly glancing over Callista, the Harrison children and Amber, then off towards the lobby where Missy and Viridi were having their spat. "Which ones?"  
  
"Pretty sure I'm more adult than you!" Amber cat-called, pronounced canines sticking past her lip.  
  
None of them paid the comment any mind. Marc pointed out Elk and Ellen, the latter staring him down without fear and the former striking assorted poses in time with the music while uttering the odd non-sequitur. "Those two. The Metallium girl can keep for now, and I have the equipment needed to keep the rest of them at bay. The files I have on the kids tell me that they could be the largest monkey wrench present. If you can stall or incapacitate them, that would be wonderful."  
  
"I'll do what I can," Circe informed him, rolling her shoulders to loosen them up, "but I warn you now that Ellen's capable of fighting me on even terms. The chances of me winning a fight against her are 50% at best. And don't even get me started on Elk."  
  
Elk spun in place like a top, arms held out perpendicular to each other. "Forbidden Zone, Forbidden Zone, Chaos Emeralds _ahoy!"_  
  
"...Noted. Just stall them, then," Marc allowed. "That should be enough time to call my mercenaries on in..." He brought out his smartphone... and snarled when he saw what was almost an alien symbol to him. "The #$#%?"  
  
"Something wrong, boss?" his best man inquired.  
  
"Phone's telling me that there's no reception," Marc bit out, showing the screen to the two of them. "Which is complete and utter _bull,_ since my company's coverage has ensured flawless coverage anywhere in Muffinville for the past decade."  
  
Circe shrugged. "Maybe they're just doing maintenance on the towers, or something?"  
  
Marc shook his head. "That can't be right. If there's any work to be done on my hardware, I set up all of that myself. If they needed to repair or look over anything, I would be the first to know---"  
  
"Boss! _Boss!"_  
  
Marc and Circe turned to one of the entrances... and did a prompt triple-take. The person rushing into the room was _a mirror image_ of Marc's best man, clad in nothing but an undershirt and a pair of blue boxer shorts. "Someone's infiltrated the---" his eyes locked onto his double. _"YOU!"_  
  
An eyebrow raised. "Me. Your point?"  
  
"You chucked me into a closet and stole my clothes, you crazy chick!" the man shouted.  
  
It didn't take much to get the facts organized. Circe grimaced and averted her eyes, blushing even as she muttered to Marc: "If you're not thinking that we had been sabotaged before the ceremony even began..."  
  
"Oh, trust me. I am. How about it, Dean?" Marc challenged his 'best man'. "If that's even your real name?"  
  
The fake turned to Marc, obviously wondering what to say in the face of this accusation. After a moment he shrugged and smiled, his form shifting to something younger and more feminine briefly before melting down and losing much of its height. "I realize people have trouble _\--telling which I am, but just to clear the air: I've_ always _been male,"--_ he said, switching to telepathy when it became physically impossible for him to speak normally.  
  
In seconds, what was once a man had changed to [an Umbreon](https://www.deviantart.com/judaime/art/CurtisWildCat-Commission-417577978), which stuck its tongue out at both men and darted away, leaving only an empty suit behind. A Shadow Ball that exploded against the floor close by discouraged any pursuit, and a blur of afterimages enabled him to evade the hasty shot from Marc's sidearm.  
  
Circe scowled as the best man fumed. "It's just one thing after another today. It's not enough that Callista's faction has to get involved, but the Shadow Gang is out in force too. It doesn't answer where Shiver is, though."  
  
"You've known them for a while," Marc said, holstering his gun as he glared at the spot Swift had stood a minute before. "Any special weaknesses we can exploit?"  
  
"For Ambush or Callista?"  
  
"Both, preferably."  
  
Circe thought back on what she knew about them both. Something deep in her mind twitched as if in protest, but was quickly silenced. "Ambush is vulnerable to iron, whether it's cold or not. He's not too fond of electricity either. Callista's just as dangerous if she's underestimated, but she's poor at keeping her head level in the face of distractions."  
  
Marc smiled. What he was thinking about, she didn't know. "Lucky you, I've got a few somethings that should deal with them both downstairs. Cover for me while I retrieve them."  
  
A nod. "Mind being quick about it? We still need to get to City Hall before it closes." She glared at Dean, still blushing. "And for crying out loud, you shameless freak, get your suit on! No one wants to see that!"  
  
"What did you just _call---"_  
  
"Just listen to her, get yourself out of here, and get dressed," Marc told him coldly. "Then prepare for a counterattack. Are we clear?"  
  
"Yes, sir," Dean said with a nod, picking up his clothes and making tracks for the closest restroom.  
  
Circe rolled her eyes, shaking her head before removing her white gloves and focusing her magic. Both of her arms turned a light gray, shifting in composition and size to something more grotesque. "Alright, let's get this over--" Her eyes drifted over the place where Amber had been previously... with emphasis on _had been._ "--with, and where the h%@$ did Ambush take off to?"  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
Dean hustled into the restroom, his suit bundled in his arms. Thankfully no one was around to wonder why he was in his current state, which was great since he didn't want to have to explain his situation to anyone. Through one of the walls, he could hear someone swearing as something metallic clattered to the floor in the next restroom over. "Blasted girls, blasted women, blasted _everything_ in the world wanting to make the situation worse," he growled as he hurriedly got ready. "I swear, once I'm dressed I'm going to---"  
  
[ _ **"EEEEEEEK!"**_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oryK2kWpGlA)  
  
Dean nearly jumped out of his skin at the ear-splitting screech, and for a half-second he wondered if he'd wandered into the wrong restroom before remembering otherwise. He turned his head just enough to see the gray skin, black hair and playful visage of the Harrisons' matriarch. "You're not funny," he stated. "Nowhere close. Our file was right; you really _don't_ have any sense of privacy."  
  
Amber shrugged unapologetically. "I'm a cat. Do I look like I care one whit for that sort of thing?"  
  
"You'll be caring a lot more for privacy after today," Dean stated, tightening his belt, "but that's assuming you'll be in any condition to care at all!" He snapped up his hand, slinging an electric burst at Amber's face as per Circe's recommendation---  
  
\---only for the burst to pass through Amber's head harmlessly and extinguish itself against the wall. Dean had just enough time to utter a truncated "What the #%" before the woman grinned _nastily_ and pointed her left fingertips at him. _"Fulminus venite!"_  
  
With no room for him to maneuver the Thunderbolt she fired caught Dean squarely in the chest, electrifying him briefly before dropping him to the floor. It wouldn't do him any lasting harm, not at her level of strength compared to his, but it _would_ keep him out of action for the rest of the showdown. "I love being able to bypass the four-move restriction," 'Amber' admitted smugly, her appearance adjusting itself until it matched the purple-haired young woman who had dropped off Ezekiel at the Hasano home. She beamed, her voice near-squealing as she all but danced in place. "And I've _always_ wanted to say that when using Thunderbolt!"  
  
"Glad you're having fun," Ambush Cat said, his mouth appearing on one of the overhead light covers. "Mission accomplished, Shiver. Rejoin with your team and head on out. Pick up Ezekiel at seven as agreed on. I'll catch up with you back home and treat you three to fruit punch."  
  
Shiver waved at the mouth in confirmation. "Gotcha, boss. See you later!" Having no further need to maintain a solid illusion, she reverted back to her normal Mismagius self--having hovered no higher than mid-torso on a normal human--and flew through the walls out of the room.  
  
The mouth detached itself from the light cover and hovered just over Dean's face... then vomited out a monochromatic energy beam that enveloped him entirely. As it shone brightly, becoming blinding, Ambush's disembodied voice took on a tone that wouldn't have been out of place coming from Dr. Drakken. "Around and around it goes, what he'll turn into, who knows~? _EH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA~!"_  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
"...Let's not worry about it: Dean knows what he's doing. There's no shortage of iron around here, and he can generate his own electricity. If Ambush is as easy to stop as you say, that should be all there is to it. My armaments have the appropriate measures needed to stop the remaining outliers, I can put down Metallium if she wins her current battle, then we can both take the cats' children out of the picture."  
  
Marc smiled disarmingly, though with as messed up a face as his was, it was a look only a mother could love... and even then she'd have to receive payment for it. "So, how about it? Are you ready for a day and night you won't soon forget?"  
  
To this day, people still swear that Circe's response to this statement caused the fabric of reality to rattle, knowing that there was a violation with the natural order; granted that was just their imagination, but since something similar had happened in "The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy" they couldn't be blamed for it. One of the facets of the Muffin Continent's Blue energy is that it transformed people into lesbians (much to Callista's blatant disgust and Bahija's even more blatant enjoyment). While it was tempered by the yandere-ish and violent Orange energy she also possessed, Circe was no exception to that rule: she had zero romantic interest in men, and prior to her unexpected engagement to Marc there'd been no signs of her wavering.   
  
She smiled, face softening. ["Looking forward to it."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tx2mZ4xO5q8)  
  
 **"Boundaries, --------s!"** Zapana bellowed, her profanity lost beneath some ear-piercing feedback through the speakers.  
  
The light-heartedness didn't last too long as Circe frowned in Zapana's direction. "Though if this is what my wedding looks like, I'm almost afraid to see the honeymoon."  
  
Marc placed a reassuring hand on her; she flinched, and her breath hissed through her teeth even as she kept her smile. He opened his mouth to say something reassuring---  
  
"Hands off of my Lady **before I remove them myself,"** Claire de Loon interjected warningly, getting into their faces. Cold fury burned in her eyes, and in one hand she wielded a slightly-curved steel pipe that looked like it had been taken from one of the handicapped-accessible restrooms.  
  
The air was still for several tense seconds before Marc slowly moved his hand away, his face souring quickly. For her part, Circe shook her head and decided that she needed to take her over-zealous servant down a peg. "I'm fully capable of handling myself, thank you," she told her. "It's too dangerous for you to be here now. Get the rest of your co-workers together and return to the Manor straight away."  
  
Claire didn't budge. "Your safety is not assured, my lady. Think of your own before you think about ours."  
  
"That was _not_ a suggestion." Circe's eyes met Claire's meaningfully. "Leave _immediately,_ Claire. I will not have your disobedience now on top of everything else going on. You have a spotless record to match your work ethic; do you really want to change that?"  
  
"Doing one's job is not a sign of disobedience," Claire reminded her. **"Disposing of garbage** was one of the things you hired me for."  
  
Once again, something in Circe's subconscious twitched only to be shut off. "My _future husband_ is not trash!"  
  
"Permit me to defend myself, sweetheart. This is treading into dangerous territory," Marc smoothly cut in, idly straightening his collar. Circe, who had once gotten ticked off by one of Muffinville's most notorious irritants for repeatedly calling her something similar, smiled and allowed him to step forward.  
  
"No amount of self-defense is going to change the fact that you're trespassing in my Lady's life," Claire hissed, hair and eyes flickering black, **"you filthy slimebucket-wearing swine."**  
  
Marc slowly shook his head. "Tsk, tsk... you really want a reality check?"  
  
Those words were Claire's only warning before one of Marc's hands struck like a snake, catching her across the throat and causing her to drop her pipe. One of his fingernails managed to leave a scratch on her neck in passing, but Marc's aim had been to stun her long enough to edge his arm around her and slam her to the floor.  
  
For a third time, something triggered in Circe's mind at the display only to be stifled. Marc stood back and dusted off his hands, his voice the epitome of arrogance as he aimed his gun between Claire's shoulders. "Uppity little maid, your insurrection isn't going to stop me," he declared quietly, voice just barely heard over her pained gasps. "Face it: I'm her future, and Aryu-Madd Tech's going to be yours. Live with it... or don't. It's not my problem." He started to pull the trigger---  
  
A white and red laser beam diced his gun into pieces at that precise moment, destroying both the weapon and the ammunition within and startling Marc into dropping the debris. "What?!" he barked as he and Circe turned to ascertain the cause.  
  
"...If that's the case, the future's looking incredibly ugly," Ellen commented from the reception area, the card she'd flung held between her fingers. "...In all seriousness, you look like a dairy cow eating a hamburger. Your very existence is cannibalistic, and you have the gall to say it tastes like chicken."  
  
 _"What did you just call me?!"_ Callista screeched, the Machamp-lady she'd been fighting getting blasted by a Hyper Voice. Some of the onlookers covered their ears.  
  
Ellen glanced at Callista through her peripheral vision, a twitch of her fingers giving away her annoyance. "...Simmer down, _Metallium._ I wasn't talking to you."  
  
"I heard it!" Callista's hands were flying at high speed, deflecting a flurry of punches from her opponent as she recovered. "I distinctly heard you call me a cow! Don't deny it!"  
  
"...Just focus on your spat, cat," Ellen rebuked her. She mentally chided herself for letting Callista distract her. "...My own fault for trying to use a _Far Side_ ref---"  
  
A clawed hand twice Ellen's size slapped her in mid-sentence, sending her spinning into and through an unoccupied table. A few of the on-lookers winced, expecting Amber to make her thoughts known violently, but strangely nothing came of that.  
  
...  
  
"I don't really want to do this, Ellen," Circe warned as she approached, her arm shrunk back to normal. "But if you're going to keep me from being with the love of my life, then I'm sure your mother would understand."  
  
"...There are so many things wrong with those sentences, I don't have time to tally them all." Ellen accepted Eebon's help getting to her feet, brushing something off of her _thoroughly undamaged_ dress. There wasn't even a mark on her. "...If you have an ounce of common sense in you, you will rescind them and leave that waste of space behind."  
  
A vein on Circe's temple pulsed. "You've yet to fall in love, so don't tell me I don't know what it feels like. I've been thirsty for adoration from someone worthy, and he's my best shot at getting it. So go away, go home, and stop turning my dream into a nightmare!"  
  
Ellen sighed softly, shaking her head. "...Suit yourself, lovebug." She snapped her fingers. "...Elk? You hear what she said? _She's thirsty."_  
  
Circe whipped her head around as she heard a gulping noise. Elk was at the drink tables, [in the middle of guzzling down](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z54MpfR3XE4) a 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew. Her eyes widened, her dress shifted to a very light blue-white, and she snapped off a freezing blast at him---  
  
 _ **"PEPSI MAAANNNN!"**_  
  
Too late. Before, Elk had been in a nifty black suit and tie. When next Ellen blinked, her brother had donned a blue and silver spandex uniform that made him look a lot bigger and muscular than before, leaving only his ears and tail visible. Jumping over Circe's attack, he rebounded off the ceiling at an unnatural angle, ricocheted off a wall, and arrowed at her with cans of Pepsi in hand.  
  
"Shameless plug for the win!" Zapana cheered into the microphone as the new fight got underway. Most of those seated applauded, and even those who didn't were nodding appreciatively.  
  
With Circe sufficiently distracted, Ellen turned her attention to a more pressing issue. Claire was seething off to one side, having hastily treated the wound Marc had left her with; it would have to do until Aldonza was in a position to heal her, though thankfully her breathing was steadier now. Maddhouse was nowhere in sight, having slipped away after Callista had gotten mad, and that was more worrisome. _...Think fast, Ellen. As long as he's still on the loose around here, things are going to get worse before they get better..._  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
"Look, can't you little brats tell much danger you're in? This entire property's going to turn into a disaster area!"  
  
"Go to h#$$, fox! I'll leave when I'm good and ready!"  
  
"You're good and ready right now, so _go_ already! It's not safe here anymore---ow! Hands off the whiskers, I need those!"  
  
In the time since the saboteurs had announced their presence, Aldonza had taken it upon herself to evacuate the recreation center of any visitors not part of the wedding proper. Some were more than eager to flee when told what was about to happen, not wanting to be caught up as collateral. Others, such as a group of teenagers who were shooting baskets on one of the farthest courts, were fully in the thrall of adolescent invincibility and made no move to leave. They weren't going to listen to the person who had more experience with life and common sense, because what adult could possibly know more than they did?  
  
It never occurred to any of them that they themselves would someday be in the same position of having their words disregarded by the younger generation.   
  
"Would you _listen to me,_ please?" Aldonza tried again to reason with the kids, one of which was laughing at her by now. "You can't seriously expect me to believe that you _like_ having your lives put in danger!"  
  
 ***Woing***  
  
Aldonza flinched as one of the kids bounced the basketball off her face, getting laughter from his friends. The expression that resulted could've curdled 'Velveeta', never mind milk. "Alright, no more Miss Nice Girl," she growled, grabbing the kid in question and hauling him off his feet. "'Off the courts' means _'off the courts'!"_  
  
The others didn't like this, of course, and they reached toward her. "Hey, let him go you stupid b---"  
  
 _ **RRRRRMMRRRMRMRRR**_  
  
The kid Aldonza had snatched was just about to try and punch her to _make_ her let him go, but stopped in surprise with his friends at the loud rumbling. A previously unseen seam formed on the court, then split apart to reveal the facility's multi-story basement. One of the teens was able to run out of the way as it opened, but the other three weren't as quick, and they dropped screaming into the cavern below---  
  
With her tail a whirling dervish, Aldonza snatched the falling kids before they could get too far. Grunting with the exertion of carrying all of them at once, she shoulder-charged the nearest exit at an upward angle and smashed down the door. "This isn't up for debate, kids," she barked as she let them go into the hallway, addressing them not with the tone of an exasperated young woman but as one of the Infinite Defense's admirals. "Move your cabooses and run! As in _**NOW!"**_  
  
Nodding frantically, the teenagers finally listened to reason and fled the scene. Aldonza remained where she was as she tapped a communicator that was clipped to her jacket's collar. "Ellen, status report!"  
  
-"...Callista's in an unofficial PFL match, Zapana's still chilling, Claire tried to separate Marc from Circe and got steamrolled for her efforts, Elk's going 'super product advertiser' on our mutual friend, Mom's Pokémon have finished their objectives and left the area, and I'm trying to figure out just where Maddhouse vanished to. And who knows where Mom is right now."-  
  
-"Might want to pick up the pace,"- Zapana chimed in. -"I can still hear at least thirty-five more people elsewhere in the building, not counting Marc. I think some of them may be down in the basement."-  
  
Machinery set into motion far below. "Preparing something big, far as I can tell," Aldonza said, grimacing. "Ellen, get your sister to help me finish evacuating the place. Zapana, I hate to take you away from your music, but it looks like I may need you over here!"  
  
-"You positive, Aldonza-chan?"-  
  
Aldonza was about to answer when a platform raised itself up to the court, settling into place with a clang. Seated there was a mechanical crab, looking to be about forty feet across and twenty-five feet high. Instead of stalks, there was a set of multifaceted eyes that glowed golden. The entire mech was covered in a vaguely silvery metal that distorted the air and almost hurt the eyes to look at---  
  
The analysis was interrupted by the familiar screaming of rocket jets. A glittering dark streak screamed out of hiding from the opposite side of the crab, decking Aldonza in the face as it zoomed out of the court and down the hall. The fox stumbled backwards, collapsing against a wall dizzily.  
  
-"Aldonza-chan? Are you still there?"-  
  
"Shooop at the siiiign of the [jackal-headed maaaaan...!"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xy_d_e6p2-Y) Aldonza managed to slur out in a sing-song tone, temporarily dazed by the unexpected blow.  
  
-"ALDI, SNAP OUT OF IT!"- Zapana yelled in her ears.  
  
Where her favorite nickname failed to rouse her, her least favorite one succeeded. Aldonza pushed herself up, expelling an angry sigh as her regeneration stabilized her. "Didn't we agree that you'd never call me that again?"  
  
-"Sorry, but I could hear the cuckoo singing in the cuckooberry tree,"- Zapana snarked, referring to the origin of Aldonza's namesake. To her credit, her best friend did sound genuinely apologetic to her ears. -"What's that you're seeing in there?"-  
  
"To quote a tired old meme," Aldonza answered, shuddering as she gave the mech another lookover, "a giant enemy crab. I _so_ hate arachnids..."  
  
-"...That's not unoriginal at all,"- Ellen commented, sounding hurried. Aldonza's communicator shrieked with the noise of a battle in progress. -"...And neither is this Hulkbuster rip-off that's trying to give me a Swiss origin. Where'd it come from?"-  
  
"Must've been what hit me just now... get Eebon out here. We've still got evacuations to handle!"  
  
-"...Getting,"- Ellen confirmed before breaking off communications.  
  
-"Give me a moment to get this generator hooked up. Be right with you."- There was a click as Zapana followed suit.  
  
No sooner than she had said those words than the crab came to life. One of its legs pointed at Aldonza and shifted, morphing into a beam-spewing Vulcan gun. Quickly sidestepping to let the shots hit the wall instead, she took off running to search the rest of the building. A flash-hiss of blackness signalled the arrival of Ellen's sister, the felinoid keeping pace with her senior as they got back to work.  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
A flaming shoe connected with the Machamp-lady's mid-section, making her eyes bug out for a moment. This coupled with a telekinetic burst of Stored Power served to launch her out of the thoroughly-trashed wedding hall, across the two-room reception hall past another fight in progress, and through a wall into the unused conference room beyond it. Unlike the last few times she'd fallen, this time she didn't rise again; a disoriented mental whimper was proof enough to Callista that her opponent wouldn't be bothering her anymore. "Finally," she muttered, pleased that the enhanced threads that her dress was composed of were holding up just fine. "Fighting-types are always such a pain. Now for the main event."  
  
Callista took a quick second to reassess the reception hall. Most of the combat was clear of the tables where the bridal party and food were located, but it was starting to escalate. A blur of motion signaled to her that Zapana had just left the room, her music station now powered by a modified generator instead of the local grid. One corner of the room was filled with wreckage where Elk and Ellen were locked in combat against Circe and, as she'd overheard Ellen describe it as, a dark-toned 'Hulkbuster rip-off'. Judging from the guests' commentary, it was Marc in that armor, and unless the Harrison kids stepped up their game they were going to get pinned down.  
  
And of course, there was that crab mech that Zapana had reportedly gone after.  
  
A smile. "Well. Can't have any of that," she said to no one, taking hold of her purse and morphing it into a rainbow-edged scimitar. With a deft movement of her fingers she began to spin the weapon before her, assorted energy steamers materializing out of nothing and collecting in the blade. "Back in action, Shape-Shifter. For old times' sake!"  
  
/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/  
  
 _Tch... these brats are more of a nuisance than I gave them credit for._  
  
Upon stepping inside what he privately called his "Allegory Armor" and activating it, Marc's intention was to put a stop to any and all opposition. After keeping that traitor fox from pursuing him, his first objective was to incapacitate the two teenagers that were occupying Circe, keeping her from bringing her stronger magics to bear. He was of the mind that they couldn't possibly be that difficult to deal with once he had everything he needed.  
  
He grimaced as that _#$ &%^_ Pepsi cat-man got in close _yet again_ and slugged his helmet with a skateboard that he'd gotten from somewhere. It wasn't doing any real damage, but it kept disorienting his armor's HUD and keeping him from getting any definitive readings on his targets (as well as causing him to miss the sight of the Machamp woman being launched across the hall behind him). He'd also tried to get at least a basic scan of Elk---capabilities, genetic makeup, _anything_ \---but his sensors kept returning nothing but gibberish. _Seriously, what the @#^$? I think I would have preferred fighting the fox at this rate..._  
  
His HUD abruptly blared a warning that had nothing to do with the Harrisons. He turned to look---  
  
[ _"Quadrant Strike!"_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOymHEdiPts)  
  
\---just in time as an isotope-shaped arrangement of elemental power screamed towards him. Fire, water, wind, even a representation of earth itself spun around, trying unsuccessfully to orbit each other en route to their destination. Realizing that he needed to answer power _with_ power, Marc launched a grenade into the Quadrant's center. The resulting explosion disrupted the attack, ripping it apart and leaving what was left to splatter harmlessly on the floor.  
  
The fighting between Circe and the Harrison kids stopped as all parties regarded the situation closely. As Marc fully turned towards her, Callista was standing ready just beyond the hole in the wall, armed with Shape-Shifter and ready to rumble. While sporting a few nicks and bruises, she didn't seem bothered by them. If anything she seemed more determined than ever to get herself involved.  
  
But now that he was really paying close attention to her for the first time that afternoon, he thought he could actually see the stereotypical bubbles and chimes that would have surrounded Callista's first appearance in an average anime. She was cute enough as a human, but her current hybrid state bumped it straight up to 'gorgeous', enough that Marc began seriously contemplating her as a possibility.  
  
Marc wasn't seeing just another average girl in a crowd like Claire, or even a dangerous fighter like Ellen. What he saw... was a target.  
  
If he hadn't been distracted, he would have noticed Callista shiver violently and her claws become more evident at the direction his thoughts were going in. As it was, he paid the movements no note as he smiled inside his helmet. _It's no wonder people go crazy over her despite her abrasive personality and shopping streak. Once Circe is under my command, she's next. Time to get me a two-for-one deal._ "I'm going to give you a chance, little girl. Sheathe your weapon and call off your friends, and I will change your life forever. If you don't---"  
  
 _CRUNCH._  
  
Callista interrupted him by biting down noisily on a Dorito, taking the time to chew it loudly before swallowing. "So sorry, but I can't hear you over the sound of me _not caring,"_ she sniped, wiping her fingers on her dress (and pointedly ignoring the muttered complaints of Circe's maids at this action). "And even if I could, it wouldn't change my desire to thoroughly and utterly _erase you."_  
  
Marc rolled his eyes. _Why do they always want to do it the hard way?_ "Then I guess it can't be helped. I'm going to make you change your tune before the hour's over, sweetheart," he cautioned, quickly scanning her to get a basic idea of her capabilities before the fight proper. "People keep saying they don't want me. It never lasts."  
  
"Then try and get me, if you think you're man enough!" Callista raised one hand in the classic Maneki Neko gesture, claws extended. In most cases it would have accentuated her cuteness, but Marc knew full well that she was mocking him. "You think I'm some tsundere to be added to your harem?" Her scimitar morphed into a classic longsword rippling with heat and fire. "Then it's high time you regretted teasing the cat!"  
  
With that she exploded forward at speeds that Marc's suit calculated to be right around half of lightspeed; mysteriously, the air did not shake with the roar of a sonic boom. His reflexes augmented by the armor, he triggered the creation of a titanium-alloy shield augmented by a high-powered energy field in order to block Callista's attack. Fire Brand slashed against the shield; the energy rippled but held, and the mutant twisted out of the way of an attempted rocket-powered jab that put another hole in the wall behind her through the air pressure alone.  
  
The battle between foils had begun.  
  
/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/  
  
Circe's lips curled in distaste. _This could certainly be going a lot more smoothly..._  
  
With Marc now fully engaged with Callista, that left her alone against Elk and Ellen. She turned her head to the side, keeping the teenagers in her peripheral vision, and addressed the on-lookers present. "Would it kill any of you to give me a hand?"  
  
"Oh, absolutely," one of Marc's employees called back.  
  
"Our employee handbook rules against suicide," the psychotic maid added, now seated with the rest of the bridal party and nibbling on a fish cake. "I'm violent, not stupid."  
  
"Might as well quit while you're only behind a little," the stone-faced man who'd requested Callista's autograph suggested. "I know a lost cause when I see it."  
  
Had these been normal circumstances, Circe would have conceded the point and found a safe place to watch Callista duke it out with Marc. But to everyone's surprise, she instead sneered and produced...  
  
Ellen sighed softly. "...A lightsaber. But of course. Everyone _always_ brings a lightsaber to their wedding."  
  
"Muffins, muffins, tasty muffins and spam~," Elk replied, somehow guzzling a cup of Pepsi Max through his uniform and--- _When did he have time to recharge his transformation without being seen?!_  
  
"...Right. Almost forgot where I was for a moment."  
  
Distantly, Zapana was heard howling something in Japanese. Explosions went off not far away, shaking the wall, but Circe didn't need to look through the door to know that the building was being ripped apart piece by piece due to her fight against whatever Marc had stored away. Focusing on the Harrisons, her mind found the lightsaber's internal switch, providing power to its orange blade---  
  
 _"Whaaa~!"_  
  
\---only to lose her balance as one of Ellen's cards sliced through the heels of her shoes cleanly, tearing them open. She could have still kept her grip on the lightsaber if Elk hadn't dashed in at that moment, flipping into a handstand and kicking her fingers with just enough force to make the weapon fall out of her hands. The saber's safety measures activated, switching off the blade as she lost control of it. Before she could retrieve it, Elk transitioned into a sweep kick that sent the hilt spinning out of her reach before he somersaulted out of the way of her retaliatory strike.  
  
To say Circe was infuriated by this wasn't doing her justice. All these pests had turned the best day of her life into a horrific quagmire, causing one embarrassment after another. The damage to her shoes in particular reminded her that Ellen had pulled this same stunt against her in a training session years ago, and it was just as disgraceful now as it was then. In that moment, she no longer cared that she would likely face retribution by Ambush: she wanted them **gone.** _"That's it. Killing you both!"_ she yelled as she let her Orange side influence her more readily. She kicked her shoes away and produced a Spell Card, levelling it at the siblings. _**"Loving Heart: Double Spark!"**_  
  
A wide-angle vaguely rainbow-esque energy beam enveloped that entire end of the room, forcing everyone watching to look away. Elk was quick to evade, humming along with the music, while Ellen opted to block the attack with a shield of cards and weather the storm. What wasn't warded off surged around her, pulverizing everything in its way for more than seventy meters. The bridal party and guests seated behind the sorceress, who were just happy not to be in the Card's path, applauded at the scene.  
  
...  
  
For the first time in more than a month, since before Callista's faction had ever received their invitations, something that surrounded Circe's subconscious began to crack under the pressure.


	7. Ch. 7: Craving Crabmeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't you hate those days when giant robots interrupt your tennis matches?

["Whoo-hoo-hoo,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vF82nT8z6S0) Blondie back there's bringing the heat! I think she almost burned my suit!"  
  
"I wouldn't mind if she burned the rest of you."  
  
"Up your nose with a rubber hose, flower girl! Ice 1!"  
  
From the time they had been left to their own devices up until now, Missy and Viridi did not stop bickering. The ceasefire Bahija had orchestrated a month before still stood and there was still a crisis in progress, so as much as they would've liked to purge each other from existence, the time for that wasn't yet. So as such they were using their high-tier supernatural powers...  
  
...to play a game of tennis.  
  
A spherical chunk of ice bounced off the court and whistled past Viridi before her vine-and-oak racket could reach it, shattering against a wall. One of Missy's stormtroopers gestured with his blaster in his boss's general direction. "40-all. Advantage: server."  
  
Missy thumbed her nose at Viridi. "Service ace in your face. Top that!"  
  
"Gladly. Serve it up. Upgrade the spell while you're at it!"  
  
Another blast from Circe's Double Spark roared through the court, rotating as her real targets went evasive and widening the damage already dealt to that half of the building. Seemingly ignoring this, Missy upgraded her magic from Ice 1 to 3 and served the much-denser ice chunk to Viridi.  
  
The nature goddess's return smash was a thing of beauty. The ice bounced off the court, glowing green as it went, then curved with absolutely wicked spin and hurdled off through the holes towards the reception hall, passing through the Double Spark like it wasn't there. "A thousand one," Viridi breathed, "a thousand two---"  
  
The Spark suddenly cut off as a whump and a shout reverberated back to them. "Ouch! Right in the... who did that?!"  
  
The stormtrooper ref shouldered his blaster. "Deuce."  
  
Missy's face contorted; the Brotherhood leader was torn between flipping out on her enemy and congratulating her for the tactic. Her voice sounded equally strained. "ARrrrgGGhhhHH...!?!!?"  
  
Viridi smiled proudly, head tilted back just a little. "As this generation is fond of saying, 'don't hate the player'."  
  
"I'm going to hate the player anyway just because she's trying to make changes to my playbook," Missy griped. "I wish I'd thought of that maneuver."  
  
Viridi's eyes flicked towards the facility's eastern wing where Zapana was entangled with Aryu-Madd Tech's creation. Something seemed to be heading their way... "Hold that thought. -Kittenoan, what's going on?"- she called, her voice reaching the wolf's mind.  
  
-"Whatever it is you're doing over there, this thing's picked up on it,"- Zapana growled. -"It's headed straight towards you and ignoring me entirely!"-  
  
-"Don't blame me, it's her fault!"- Missy and Viridi protested, pointing their respective rackets at each other. There was a crash from somewhere close by; the stormtrooper ref picked up on where the situation was going and hurried off the courts before he could become collateral.  
  
-"It's both yours and Circe's, so shut up,"- Zapana snarled. -"As long as it's going for you, do me a flavor and stall it. I'm gonna call the fleet and have them do a full scan on it, because it's actually putting up a solid fight against me!"-  
  
Viridi fumed for a split second at being told to shut up before something crossed her mind. -"Wait, don't you mean do me a 'favor'---"-  
  
That was all she had time to say before the crab mech smashed through the east wall, scuttling sideways and rotating to face them as it perched on the rubble. -"Now is not the time, Nachure!"- Zapana groaned irritably. -"Break communications!"-  
  
Viridi chuckled and did as she was told, gazing up at the silvery off-putting metal monster with disdain. "I've always hated giant robots. I am going to enjoy scattering its dust to the wind," she said, returning her racket to spaces unknown and reclaiming her staff.  
  
Missy charged past her, eyes glinting. "Not if I beat you to it!" she called as she leapt a dozen feet into the air, pointing her own staff right between the crab's eyes. "Dragon Slave!"  
  
A reddish beam of magic roared from the staff across the gap. As Missy landed, the mighty blast---capable of wiping entire towns off the map---struck squarely on target...  
  
...and fizzled out of existence with an audible 'ping' the moment it made contact.  
  
Viridi made sure to burn what she was seeing into her memory. Witnessing Missy with a completely gobsmacked face and dots for eyes was going to be helpful if she needed cheering up later. Though I'd feel better if it was something living that caused it... "My turn," she declared, gesturing with her free hand.  
  
Seeds thought long-dead for centuries came to life, bursting out from beneath the court and ensnaring the mech's legs in a tangled mess of powerful vines and branches. Another plant, this one a fairly demented Venus flytrap scaled up to the mech's size, erupted from behind it. Already enhanced by Viridi's own designs, its mouth quadrupled in size to engulf the robot whole.  
  
It never got there. A flurry of weapons fire from the crab's ventral side sliced and burned through the vines, freeing it. A four-clawed grappling hook fired from its back into the flytrap's stem, forcibly yanking it away and setting it up for the missiles that followed, ripping the plant apart.  
  
Given time both Missy and Viridi could have figured out workarounds to this situation, but the machine's CPU didn't intend to let them recover. [One of the crab's gigantic pincers](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eO2o8ff8GO0) extended in length on a collection of armored chains and slammed down towards the Brotherhood leader---  
  
\---and was unexpectedly blasted off course, knocking out the southern wall and letting in a cold breeze.  
  
Viridi and Missy were both taken back at what caused it: the normally peaceful and demure Claire was lowering a rocket launcher that she'd obtained somewhere, a handkerchief lightly stained maroon taped to her neck. "Fly, you fools," she growled, quietly furious.  
  
Neither of them needed any encouragement, taking off out of the room even as Claire continued her attack. On their way out, they saw Eebon teleporting away from the war zone with a fainted bodybuilder in tow.  
  
...  
  
"Was that a 'Lord of the Rings' reference she used back there?" Viridi complained as they hurried east down the main corridor. "Seriously?"  
  
"'Red Vs. Blue'," actually, but good guess."  
  
"Bah, that's even worse. At least the hobbits were decently written. You can't even tell that those bozos are talking half the time!"  
  
Somewhere behind them, they could hear Aldonza howling an attack name and joining the assault against the crab mech. "That weak-minded muscle-man Eebon was carrying must have been the last straggler," Viridi commented, glancing back when she heard the doors to the hockey rink get ripped off their hinges. Powerful gusts of wind whipped around them both and begun to rip the walls apart, but they escaped the building unscathed.  
  
"Good." Missy spat off to the side, looking eager. She waved off her raptor transport when it called out questioningly. "Holding back is always a pain. Now, let's get down to business!"  
  
"Whatever you say, Shan Yu," Viridi said with a grimace as they situated themselves appropriately. She disliked human movies on principle, but she hated it even more when they had catchy music. "I'm going to enjoy reducing you to fertilizer."  
  
"Prepare to eat your words, granola girl," Missy retorted through gritted teeth. "Get her, boys!"  
  
A contingent of sentient plushies alongside squads of Imperial stormtroopers, Space Marines and prinnies emerged from behind every discernible barricade, armed to the teeth and ready to fight. Viridi was having none of it; with a gesture, a similarly-sized army of naturally-born creatures formed from the surrounding environment, dropped out of the sky, or otherwise appeared out of the woodwork. "I'd rather tango before I eat, thank you." Viridi gestured at her archenemy. "Forces of Nature, shred these abominations!"  
  
As mystical, technological, and organic energy blasts decorated the air and living bombs blasted against each other, both child-sized powerhouses slammed together as they sought to overwhelm. Even as they continued to exchange strikes and insults around the entire exterior, they kept one eye on their surroundings; war or not, they were still on a mission that had nothing to do with their grudge.  
  
Even with Marc's communications cut off, it was better to be safe than sorry. As far as the two were concerned, no potential reinforcements would reach their employer in time to make any difference.  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
Well, that stunt I pulled wasn't the dumbest mistake of my life, but it's pretty close.  
  
While she had slapped a makeshift bandage on her neck wound that would need to last until the team's resident healer could reach her, Claire had come to the conclusion that confronting someone who was basically "Evil Tony Stark" was extremely boneheaded of her. She had little in the way of self-defense training given her preference for household work, and her words and loyalty meant nothing to someone who didn't care for either. For a brief moment she wondered what she was even doing there.  
  
When Marc had reappeared in his power suit and engaged the Harrison kids, Claire had wanted very badly to help them in some way. Perhaps guessing what was on her mind, one of Marc's employees took pity on her and passed her what looked like a metal medicine box on first glance. He told her quietly to only open it and use its contents if she was absolutely positive that she would hit whatever she used it against. He then turned to argue with another man standing next to him about what he'd done, ignoring her completely.  
  
For a few minutes Claire had dawdled, unsure of what to do. As soon as Callista was engaged against Marc, she knew that any chances of aiding her successfully had just gone out the window at the speeds they were going. She sure as blazes wasn't going to use it against Circe, either; she already felt guilty for backtalking her, and attacking her outright felt like a betrayal she couldn't take. So instead she'd dismissed herself and wandered out to what was left of the lobby, trying to find some way to make herself useful and ignoring the combat that was going on behind her.  
  
That was when she heard Marc's crab mecha arriving at the tennis courts. He said to make sure I could hit what I used it against, she had told herself. That seems like as good a target as any. She had opened the medicine box... and had fallen over backwards when a full-sized rocket launcher landed on the floor, complete with spare ammunition.  
  
Claire herself might not have had any weapons training, but she didn't need it: she already had Callista's genetic memories, and it was telling her that she already knew what to do. Making sure the weapon was loaded, she entered the courts through the hole Circe's Double Spark had created, took aim and fired. The surprise attack kept Missy from getting hit, and she pressed the assault after dismissing her and Viridi.  
  
The rocket launcher wasn't going to do much to the mech beyond disrupt its attacks, she knew. The beast was just too heavily armored for that sort of basic firepower, and as soon as it focused on her instead of trying to resume its pursuit of the team's primary magic users, she likely would require Callista's fleet to restore her body in the aftermath.  
  
Violence was heard from outside the building: the Brotherhood and Forces of Nature had begun their clash. A crazy thought crossed Claire's mind. But then... maybe a distraction is just what they need? As sick-minded as Marc is, I have to believe some of that crossed over into his machine's programming. "Oh dear me," she called as she lowered her weapon, feigning helplessness with a dash of confusion and cluelessness. "I seem to have gotten turned around. What's a gorgeous babe like me to do? I was hoping to be at the bowling alley for Ladies' Night, score a 300 and pick me up a few hot guys, but I'm completely lost. ...Oh my, too much debris! The dress that I'd paid two hundred dollars for is in tatters! What am I to do?"  
  
The crab mech stared at her for several long seconds... then scuttled in the direction of Missy and Viridi's war. Several veins on Claire's face twitched. "I said look at me, scrapheap!" she snapped, aiming at one of the crab's eyes and firing her last rocket.  
  
That got the crab's attention; apparently having its optics temporarily disrupted was too much for it to ignore. It pointed one of its legs at her, a laser vulcan-gun taking shape there. There, that did it. Claire dropped the launcher, not seeing any point to carrying it anymore. Maybe they'll regenerate me back at the Manor instead of anywhere clo---  
  
A flash of black, and a furred hand grabbed one of her arms at the elbow. Claire had just enough time to squeak in surprise before space twisted around her---  
  
Five energy bolts passed through the area where she had been a split second previously, harmlessly perforating the floor next to the launcher---  
  
\---"Ooof!"  
  
...and Claire found herself [back in the reception hall](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlzOXYF7_DE). For some strange reason she was on the floor behind the seat that had been set aside for her use. This time when she spoke, her wide-eyed confusion was genuine. "Wha-huh~?"  
  
"Sorry, sorry, sorry, gaw," Eebon uttered sheepishly as those nearest to her turned to look at the disturbance. She pulled the disoriented maid upright. "I was aiming for the chair and I missed."  
  
Sufficiently recovering enough of her wits to look around, Claire saw that both fights were still in progress. Callista and Marc were trading blasts, slashes, and special attacks across half the reception area and the wedding hall, evading and countering too fast for her to track. The wall that divided the two rooms was almost completely gone, and as Claire watched a reflected energy bolt struck the stash where Callista's A&W had been stored. This forced Marc to dodge a giant red liquid fist that spawned out of nowhere as the cache was destroyed. Hawaiian Punch, her memories told her.  
  
The northern half of the reception hall was Elk, Ellen and Circe's battleground: the Harrisons were very good at being distractions, with the sorceress focusing on them exclusively. Circe was utilizing every trick in her arsenal and every gift she'd received to keep both kids moving, but between Ellen's stellar defense and Elk's unpredictable offense, she was beginning to get winded. Even recovering her lightsaber wasn't doing much to help matters. By contrast, neither teenager seemed tired at all.  
  
Claire shifted to look at what was happening in her immediate vicinity. It was rather crowded, with the bridal party and remaining guests clustered around that entire area. A few of the guests---be they maids or Marc's employees---had chosen to vamoose after having their fill of food and drink, but otherwise it was the same people who were there when she'd left. Some were even sort-of-dancing to the music that was still blaring as they watched the fights. "I repeat: wha-huh~?" Claire murmured, her puzzlement returning.  
  
"Don't ask me. I've been making non-guests leave," Eebon said with a shrug. "Want anything to eat, gaw? The last one's out, so I've got time."  
  
At this point, Claire mentally gave up. Marc's staffers she could understand not wanting to leave if they were overconfident in their boss' abilities, but not her co-workers. They should've been familiar enough with Callista and Ambush Cat's mayhem by now to scram, Zapana's choices in music notwithstanding. "Spaghetti and garlic bread, please," she requested. "With some Sunkist soda if there's any left."  
  
Eebon saluted her, then took her plate and glass and walked away. With her out of the way, Claire sat down... and buried her head in her arms on the table with an irritated "Aarrggghhh!" Madison's awkward attempt at comforting her by placing a scaly hand on her shoulder was summarily ignored.  
  
Forget this. I'm not cut out for this nonsense. I'm done. You hear me? Done!  
  
The narrator obliged, focusing on what was happening elsewhere.  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
For a few crucial seconds, the crab mech remained where it was as it attempted to parse where its target had gone. When it had scanned the maid that attacked it, it hadn't detected any sort of supernatural abilities beyond a minor imbalance in its brain waves. Neither had it detected Eebon's arrival or departure: she was there and then she was gone, taking the maid with her. Its limited AI told it that outside forces were at work.  
  
The mech made the decision to utilize its own backup to chase down the maid, having long since identified Missy and Viridi as its primary targets. A hatch on its underside opened, releasing a squad of airborne drones made in its image. Directing the drones towards the reception hall, it once again made to scramble towards the ruckus outside---  
  
"HYPER TORNADO: GRAVITATION!"  
  
A violent twister sprung up behind the mech clear from the basketball courts, yanking it and its drones backwards before their systems could compensate. As heavy and well-designed as the crab was, even it was susceptible to one of the strongest forces nature could offer. It dug its pincers and legs into the ground in an attempt to stay put, but it was irrevocably dragged to the ice rink in-between the two sections before the tornado showed any signs of relenting.  
  
...  
  
By the time the winds fully abated, most of the facility's eastern wing---the basketball courts and the laboratories beneath them, two game rooms, a fitness/workout room, a rest area, and the remaining four conference rooms---were in ruins. It was a testament to the attacker's level of control that despite the Tornado's destructive force, little if anything else west of the courts was damaged or out of place; the robot had been the attack's target.  
  
East of the courts, though? One of the mission objectives was to destroy the center by day's end and smear Maddhouse's name, so it was fair game.  
  
[Some of the drones continued to spin about](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0CTrsCruRg) in midair before finally re-orienting themselves, pointing themselves back in the direction of the reception hall. They didn't get far as a rippling wave of black fire caught up with them, reducing them to dust; Zapana bounded onto the ice rink, careful not to lose her footing. "Well, that was an interesting diversion," she uttered as her coal-like eyes took the situation in. She looked over where Aldonza was standing at the decimated eastern wall, beckoning her. "Whatcha waiting for? Let's hit the dance floor and waste this thing!"  
  
Instead of taking the cue, Aldonza gave Zapana a funny look. "Is it really necessary to change the music each time something of note happens? Strikes me as odd."  
  
Zapana gestured out at... nothing. "It's more for Curtis's sake than ours. He gets more into a scene if there's appropriate music playing."  
  
Aldonza tail-slapped the last of the drones out of the air when they tried to shoot at her, shattering them against the floor without losing her focus on her best friend. "Let me guess: he's planning on writing an account of all this and posting it online?" she asked, trying to keep herself from facefaulting.  
  
The crab mech disgorged a warhead into the air that split apart, raining a hundred projectiles down on Zapana's head. "Hiken! ... That's my best guess, though it's really a question of 'when', not 'if'," she said, watching as an oversized fist-shaped fireball completely incinerated the missiles and went on to punch a hole in the ceiling, causing a light in its path to explode as it did so. "News about that new virus has him and his parents on edge." She beckoned Aldonza to enter, re-absorbing any lingering embers. "C'mon, I don't want to have to start the song over. Could you just effect a sashay, get in here, and start reeking of overconfidence?"  
  
Aldonza sighed, but put words to actions and strutted into the room. As she walked, she adopted the sort of arrogant sneer expected from the truly prideful. "Just so you know~, I prefer the McTrevor brand of moonshine," she drawled. "Goes down smooth, easy to drink, and makes my skin and fur look gorgeous. Won't you have a good time with me... sweets?"  
  
Zapana doubled over laughing, ducking under the beams that sizzled through the space where her head had been. "Listen to yourself, listen to yourself! Ta-hahahaha... that's the worst sales pitch in the history of everything! I wouldn't touch McTrevor Moonshine if it replaced all the water on earth overnight. That $#%& tastes like liquid plastic!"  
  
"You're supposed to be the hard-drinking party girl, not me," Aldonza said, shrugging helplessly as she gave up the act. The crab mech tried to spear her with one of its extendable legs, but she was well away from it before it could cross the distance halfway. "I couldn't do 'bar hooker' if my life depended on it. I'm the girl who wakes up pups in the morning with sugar drink ads." An annoyed sigh. "I still think they're skimping on the royalties..."  
  
Zapana straightened, taking aim at the crab's face and forcing it back with a plasma beam the size of her hand. The crab's legs tore deep rents in the ice as it skidded backwards, plowing through the remains of the seating area before the beam ran out of power. "I should've been more specific. When I said 'overconfident', I was thinking less 'bar hooker' and more 'hardcore gamer who thinks he knows everything'."  
  
Aldonza took to the air, tail spinning like mad behind her as she rejoined her friend. "My mistake, but I'm not trying it again. So, what are we dealing with here?"  
  
"I went ahead, called the task force up there and got them to do a deep scan of it," Zapana explained, preparing herself for whatever the next attack might be. "It's made of every anti-magic material you can think of. Nth, orichalcum, you name it. Missy's Dragon Slave fizzled out on contact if you want a general idea. Marc's men further enhanced the armor with adamantium and coltan, so it's shrugging off all of my lower-tier stuff too. I could destroy it with my higher-end attacks no prob, but its reactor is nuclear. I blow it up or punch it through, and I wipe out most of the neighborhood. I'd like to avoid that."  
  
"I noticed it wasn't lifted off its feet by your plasma beam," Aldonza said curiously. "Or by my Hyper Tornado, for that matter."  
  
"Yeah. Whatever it is they installed in there, it's keeping it firmly ground-bound. Casual punches aren't going to flip it over, and the amount of force I'd be able to use to do so without setting off the reactor is going to take some careful calculating. Once I have it---" She interrupted herself by rapid-fire punching the air, destroying another wave of missiles with the resulting shock wave. "---I should be able to safely hurl it into space and let the boys do their job, but that's if I get the chance to do so. This thing's a walking arsenal, with absurd micro-manufacturing capabilities to boot. Right when I think it's used up everything, it just sends more at me."  
  
Aldonza looked up at the sky through the hole in the roof for a moment, then faced Zapana with a smile. "You say we ought to throw it into space, and I know what you said about its defenses, but I'm inclined to think magic's the key here."  
  
Zapana looked at her as if she'd just suggested dancing the Charleston on someone's grave. She opened her mouth to voice her incredulity...  
  
...  
  
"Wait for it," Aldonza whispered---  
  
...  
  
  
  
...  
  
And Zapana's eyes widened in realization. "What you're suggesting," she attempted to confirm, "is that we hit it with the type of magic that doesn't care one whit for magic negation?"  
  
Aldonza clapped. "Give the girl a prize! We have Sprite, M&Ms and salt-less pretzels!"  
  
"Yeerrrggh. I'll take a Bloody Marry, thank you very much."  
  
"...That was bad and you should feel bad," Aldonza deadpanned.  
  
Zapana smirked. "It wasn't, and I'm not. And even if it was, I'd just blame Calli-chan's influence anyway---"  
  
One of the crab's pincers pointed at Zapana's face and fired as she spoke, the blast's circumference several meters larger than normal. In the millisecond before the shot would've hit her, her hand set into motion and swatted it through the ice. The blast continued tunneling through each basement, only exploding once it hit the very bottom. She felt the ground shake, but dismissed it as inconsequential.  
  
The caninoid sneered at the mech. "I'm sorry, was I ignoring you? If you want my attention that badly, Johnny Cash is on stage today!" She swung one arm up, a fiery arc behind it. "Fire Wall: Starflare!"  
  
Aldonza took that as her cue to jet over to the hole Zapana's Hiken had created earlier, flying through it. Her timing couldn't have been better, as a white-blue blazing barricade erupted out of nothing to encompass the entire rink clear through the ceiling.  
  
Zapana's control over the fire's intensity was such that Aldonza felt no discomfort from being close by, yet it easily burned clear through the ceiling in seconds and sent everything within its perimeters crashing down. The debris hammered against the mech and Zapana herself, the both of them no-selling any damage entirely. Some of the wreckage dropped through the hole into the basement, and the subsequent cacophony was music to her ears.  
  
As she absorbed any flames that were not part of her barrier, Zapana watched as the crab tried to scurry away in Missy and Viridi's general direction. It stopped just a few feet short of the Fire Wall and didn't try to pass through, most likely because whatever systems it had didn't like the idea. "Aldonza, let me know if it tries anything funny," she called out, dropping the honorifics for the time being. "I need to do some fast calculations, and you know just how much I despise math!"  
  
She barely heard her friend's confirmation as her battle stance tightened a fraction. Zapana devoted all of her focus to her mind, going over everything she knew about math and her opponent to try and estimate how much force she would need to destabilize the crab mech. At a guess she figured the machine's AI was doing something similar, trying to determine how to bypass her Fire Wall or incapacitate its current adversaries. Hopefully the stalemate would remain in force long enough for her to finish this.  
  
With her attention split, she completely dismissed the air-splitting scream in the near-distance as of no consequence.  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
Ellen, [I know you're a perfectly good friend](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukGgbgIOBI8) in any other circumstance... but if you would just lie down and die already, that would be great!  
  
Ellen and Elk weren't telepathic, so they couldn't hear Circe's thoughts. Not that it mattered; neither of them would have been inclined to listen anyway. Ever since she'd started using some of her higher-tier attacks, their own synergy had only improved to the point that the ever-growing pressure in her mind was threatening to pull her into madness. It made sense that they were doing so well; as siblings, they both knew the other's strategies without needing to ask.  
  
In the months and years prior to her engagement, Circe had allowed the Harrison kids to have the odd sleepover at the Manor. During that time Ellen would sometimes talk about the physical and magical lessons she was going through, and for someone who still found time for standard schooling and family bonding it sounded fairly impressive. She'd made no secret of the fact that after she graduated, she wanted to travel to some alternate universe or other and compete in the summer Olympics there as a swimmer, so of course she was following a strict physical regimen. Add to that the two very fine instructors the girl had in the magic arts...  
  
...It all boils down to me not doing any meaningful harm to her when I should have her dead to rights!  
  
This said nothing about Elk. The spandex-clad catboy was like smoke: whereas Ellen was content to be a bastion with her cards and that strange armored dress of hers, Elk was simply too evasive. Nothing came close to touching him, and while hopped up on soda pop he was pulling stunts that would otherwise have been impossible. Case in point: he'd avoided her second Double Spark by riding a snowboard along the side of it, and only that unexpected shot from the tennis courts had kept him from crashing it into her face.  
  
Not like that had been much better. Seriously!...  
  
The only major trick in Circe's arsenal she hadn't tried at this point was her Volcanic Explosion technique, and that was because the majority of her staff that had been invited were still present. They hadn't tried to help her, true, but they hadn't tried to stop her either. Regardless of the circumstances, she still cared about them enough not to view them as collateral, and most of them wouldn't last long against Ambush's children anyway. She checked on Claire's status as she swerved out of the way of Elk's soda-fueled uppercut, noticed her loyalist eating some spaghetti half-heartedly, and dismissed her as a threat as well.  
  
And on the plus side, Ellen's not pulling the same stunt on me that she did on Marc's guests. Thank goodness for small favors.  
  
Distantly she could hear Zapana howling out an attack, though the name of it was lost beneath the sound of her lightsaber deflecting a pair of fist-shaped paper constructs. The rumble and racket caused by the ceiling in that area crashing down came through much more loud and clear, but she didn't let herself get distracted by the minor quake. Instead Circe threw her free hand forward, her arm from the elbow on down morphing into a tangle of vines to try and catch Elk in mid-air. To emphasize the element she was using, her dress turned a grassy green in color.  
  
Elk twisted and flipped out of the way, the vines barely grazing his foot, but that was alright with Circe. The vines curved around and split apart, deluging Ellen's defenses at a multitude of angles. Three of her attacks actually managed to slip past the bibliophile's defenses, striking her limbs but not budging her.  
  
Must be because her armor consists of more than just her dress, Circe mused as she ducked her head, keeping Elk's bicycle kick from connecting. Still, this could be the key. Just hit her with more attacks than she can reasonably cover, and I can---  
  
A forceful scream shocked her out of her thoughts before she could finish it. Eyes widening as she took in the source of the scream, Circe clamped down on her fury as the scene before her grabbed her full attention. She spared just enough time to shift her elemental manipulation down to a "stand by" state and revert her arm back to normal, her dress returning to its regular white sheen. She ignored the fact that she was hyperventilating, having wasted a large chunk of her magic reserves in a short period of time with little to show for it beyond the minor bruises that Ellen now sported.  
  
If she'd bothered to look around, she would have seen Ellen recollect her cards while visibly fighting off a wave of trepidation... itself a surprise, given how collected she normally was. Elk's transformation wore off, returning him to his pristine suit, and he obliviously wandered off to claim his meal from the dinner tables. Everyone's conversations died down as they gave the main event their undivided attention.  
  
As she listened to what was being spoken and watched the fight as it continued, Circe shook her head firmly and refused to entertain the traitorous thoughts that arose. Marc is much kinder than that. I've been promised a life greater than any I've lived up until now, and he's the one who's going to give it to me. This is for your own good, Callista, so stop struggling and let him win so I can see what he has in store!  
  
But as confident in his abilities as she was, she couldn't help but believe that Marc had just made a grievous mistake...  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
Across the city at Brotherhood HQ, Bahija had been seated back at her desk and monitoring the situation from afar when her entire body unexpectedly lit up in a paroxysm of pain. Hurriedly she grabbed a pillow from close by and stuffed it into her mouth to muffle her cries, keeping the plushies guarding the door to her office from investigating. The pain was intense enough that she almost bit clean through the pillow, and it took half a minute before the sensations died down.  
  
The intricacies of her suffering shook her to the core. She whimpered softly, hugging her pillow close to her and shutting her eyes as she recollected them all. Repeated high-speed pummeling, like she was a ball in a lightspeed tennis match. Claws whose potency had been heightened by the acceleration mauling her from all angles. Her supernatural powers and Color energy made impotent by a magic-draining dagger. Her hearing ruined by the worst singing in Muffinville. The coup de grace was the interdimensional satellite beam that had struck with the force of a thousand supernovas concentrated into a single point, leaving her in anguish at the bottom of a lake. Everything about it was incredibly vivid.  
  
But why am I feeling this way? The last time I'd felt that much pain, those types of pain was... She giggled as she connected the dots, softly at first but rising in volume. She raised her head, eyes meeting the hulking armor on one of the screens. ...Four years ago...! Oh, Maddhouse, you poor deluded fool... you have no idea what you've set yourself up for, do you?  
  
Bahija straightened in her chair and continued watching the confrontation play out, tossing her pillow aside with a devious, knowing smile. "You pushed the 'Ravishment' button," she taunted, no one but herself hearing her words. "You shouldn't'a did that."   
  
Make him pay for his irreverence, Callista. Make him pay the same way you made me pay!  
  
...  
  
The plushies outside her door heard the mad cackling, but they chose to ignore it. That sound was just another day in the life to them, after all.


	8. Sordid Salad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That terrible moment when it all comes together.

An inky black void. A giant viewscreen hovering in mid-air with nothing to support it. A translucent floor through which a multitude of fractals could be seen twisting endlessly, and the green laser-like grid that marked said floor.  
  
It was here in this representation of Callista's conscious mind that Kaoru glared at the fight between her and Marc, wishing that she had some way of keeping track of what they were both doing. Unfortunately, not only had Callista gone straight to lightspeed, but so had her enemy: the armored suit was surprisingly fast and agile for something its size, another sign of just how many resources and how much money Marc had that he could find a way to circumvent physical laws in this manner. In any case, Callista's vision refused to solidify into something coherent.  
  
Two beings in the shape of Callista's hybrid form took shape somewhere behind Kaoru. While they both had cream-colored fur, anything else that would have been calico-patterned were instead either entirely black or white. This effect extended to their clothes: one's tattered T-shirt and shorts were dark, and the other's pristine sweatshirt and jeans were bright. These were the Copycats, representations of the darker and lighter aspects of Callista's personality. Normally they would be warring with each other, but for now they were united in their "severe dislike" for Marc Maddhouse.  
  
The two regarded each other for a moment, silently debating over who would be the first to broach the subject with Kaoru. The moment passed as the Light Copycat stepped forward. "Excuse me, but you might want to start getting ready."  
  
Kaoru blinked, turning to face them. "Huh?"  
  
"Get ready," L.C. repeated. "Callista's going to need you soon."  
  
"Another hunch?" Kaoru asked. As she said those words, she reached into a storage bin that had popped into existence. From it she withdrew a heavily customized [Fairy Leviathan costume](https://www.deviantart.com/jetzero/art/Kaoru-Commission-2018-726857465), twelve years old but still in perfect condition.  
  
"Another hunch," the Dark Copycat parroted, rolling her eyes. "That schmuck out there's more of a nuisance than we guessed. I'm getting more and more eager to trash the set just watching this!"  
  
"You're sure that you don't want to go out there first?" Kaoru inquired as she slipped into the costume. The magical clothing reshaped her appearance significantly, transforming her from a flesh-and-blood human to a fully robotic reploid based on the real deal (minus a few cosmetic differences). As she continued speaking, her vision was overlaid with a light green tint and a steady stream of information. "The way that armor's moving, Calli's going to need speed more than power."  
  
Another moment of silence as the two Copycats had another silent conversation. D.C. finally snarled and wrung her hands, hiding her eagerness behind a thin veil of maliciousness. "Little brat, you know I hate it when you're right."  
  
Kaoru removed her transformation pendant from her belt, the only article on her person that had carried over after she'd put on the costume. "Yes, you're mad. _I'm_ mad." She gestured at the viewscreen. "But you've seen Marc's real face. You've seen how he's acting. Doesn't that seem familiar to either of you? It sure does to me. You weren't the only ones sitting locked up in here when it happened!"  
  
"...Point conceded," L.C. admitted, audibly shaken.  
  
"...Yeah, I'mma gonna let you win this time," D.C. agreed, her abrasive tone a bit more contrite than normal. "Standin' by."  
  
Kaoru didn't pay their confirmation any mind, instead raising her pendant aloft and shouting at the top of her voice...

  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
Callista didn't let it show, but [her anger at the situation was building.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsMWvraCUVI)  
  
Her shape-shifting sword was capable of mimicking any weapon that it had ever come in contact with. Her claws, which could slice cleanly through titanium alloys from a standing start, only increased in sharpness and lethality the faster she went. At 186,000 miles per second, she was arguably one of the most fleetfooted residents (part-time, anyway) of the Muffin Continent.  
  
And Maddhouse's armor was scarcely even damaged despite them having been locked in combat for around six minutes or so. _I **knew** this whole thing had been going too smoothly. Ambush Cat said that his corporation matched the Brotherhood for resourcefulness, but I didn't think that meant he had free access to this much adamantium!_  
  
Marc threw himself into an aerial roundhouse kick that would've taken Callista's head off if she hadn't ducked. "Don't delude yourself," she mocked him as she slashed upward. "Chuck Norris you're not!"  
  
The billionaire was able to throw up another energy shield to block the slash, even as out of position as he was. "You just love to talk, don't you?"  
  
"That's rich, coming from you." Callista blurred out of visibility and proceeded to deluge Marc with a flurry of claw strikes, forcing him to parry. "All those press conferences, phone calls and meetings you're part of every day? All that sweet-talking you probably give to Aryu? Please. You're an expert at running your mouth, and you just don't want to show it!"  
  
"Try getting your facts straight _before_ you accuse me of anything." Marc broke Callista's combo with an energy wave from his armor's chest, driving her back. The wave split against a bluish-gray energy bubble that snapped into existence around his target, and the shield held long enough for the attack to expend itself. "Mrs. Aryu is my _partner_ in the business world and nothing more."  
  
"Your _domestic_ partner, you mean," Callista shot back, Shape-Shifter morphing into one of the Infinite Defense's standard-issue disintegration guns. "I'd recognize that dreamy look from the news photos anywhere. You might've fooled the public at large, but you're not going to fool me!" She took aim at one of the armor's limbs and fired, the weapon emitting a silvery streak of light that was lethal to the touch.  
  
Marc side-stepped the beam easily---then visibly started as it made an incredibly sharp turn three feet out, flying straight at him. He charged into the wedding hall, the floor shaking with each thunderous step. In passing he grabbed the remains of the altar and hurled it at the beam... which tunneled straight through it without slowing down. The thrown altar forced Callista to evade and let it crash somewhere behind her, but it didn't do anything to stop the immediate threat.  
  
"So incredibly bull-headed," Callista cat-called once she'd gotten back into position. "Always thinking that power's the answer to everything. Life is _no_ t a china shop, bumbling clown!"  
  
 _"I'm_ bull-headed? That's appropriate," Marc countered, firing twin bolts from his hand. One of them curved out of sight, its aim thrown off; the other struck the disintegration beam, destabilizing it as it reached the limits of its range. "Considering that _you fight like a cow."_  
  
Unlike a real bull---or cow, come to think of it---Callista literally saw red at the insult. "Alright, that's it. The next person who calls me that today is gonna---GRRRKK!"  
  
She never finished that thought as the bolt she'd _thought_ had gone off course curved around through the damaged walls to strike her in the back.  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
Behind his helmet, Marc smirked as Callista's dress utterly fell apart around her. His smirk shifted to a scowl when he realized that she'd planned ahead: beneath the dress was not the shredded remnants of her modesty, but what official sources had stated was [her "official" ensemble](https://www.deviantart.com/rocioam7/art/COMM-CurtisWildcat-860908853). The gray "Cats rule" T-shirt, frayed knee-length jean shorts and sandals not only looked as if she'd been wearing them the whole time, but his sensor suite was telling him that they were impervious to conventional damage. His repulsor blast hadn't so much as phased them.  
  
Callista herself had stumbled and almost fallen fowards, clearly taken off guard by Marc's sneak attack. Willing to bet that she'd still been hurt by it even if her clothes had no-sold it, he jetted back to the reception area and swung at her face. At the last possible moment he saw a look of panic cross her face, something he reveled in.  
  
Unlike all of Marc's previous attempts at landing a physical blow, this strike actually landed. Callista wobbled unsteadily after the impact, then collapsed unceremoniously to the ground. Her eyes rolled back into her head as she blacked out.  
  
 _That's one problem out of the way,_ Marc thought, chuckling softly. _For all of her speed and versatility, she's little more than a glass cannon. Now then, let's see about keeping her unconscious until I can get her back to the estate._  
  
With a mental command, his armor went to work re-modifying its limbs. A full set of tranquilizers fully loaded with his more potent drugs made themselves known, and he stooped down to inject them into Callista's limbs.  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
 _A spike of pain in her head. Swirls of colors dancing everywhere, her vision swimming..._  
  
 ** _\--"Hmmm. I was expecting someone a little older, but you'll do."--_**  
  
 _Some rustling, then an unexpected chill that made her shiver. Unclipped fingernails triggering an agonized gasp that was cut off before it began, a large hand slamming her mouth shut..._  
  
 ** _\--"Stay quiet. I don't want anyone out there hearing you scream. Looking gorgeous, little girl. Relax, I'm going to give you the time of your life..."--_**  
  
 _A heart that knew true fear for perhaps the first time..._  
  
 ** _\--"Huh? Why is this purse in the way? ...Well, I'm going to need some cash, so why no---ARGH!"--_**  
  
 _A surprised shout as Shape-Shifter triggered its systems of its own volition, giving her a chance to recover her senses..._  
  
 ** _\--"$% &&^ little !@#!^, I can't feel my arm--"_**  
  
 _Fury just barely kept in check as she interrupted him coldly, not wanting to clue her traveling companions in that anything was wrong just yet..._  
  
 ** _\--"Shut up. No words. No complaints. You know what you tried to do. Just shut up and flee. Flee for your life."--_**  
  
 _Hastened footsteps that scrambled for the exit as he took her words to heart, looking back at her as he ran as fast as he could go..._  
  
 _And a face that would forever be seared into her memory._  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
Callista's eyes refocused with a suddenness that made Marc stumble backwards. _**"NINE LIVES EMERGENCE!"**_ she screamed, getting everyone's attention---  
  
/-/-/-/-/  
  
D.C. gave her counterpart a not-so-friendly smack on the shoulder as she vanished into the void. "That's my cue. Later, loser!" she laughed, particles fading away.  
  
L.C. shook her head, long used to those flippant dismissals, and waited patiently for her own turn---  
  
/-/-/-/-/  
  
\---and everything calico on her ears, ruff and tail tip turned black. Sneering at what he thought was a minor cosmetic change, Marc switched from his tranquilizers to his missile launchers and fired at her point-blank, all the better to make sure she _stayed_ down---  
  
From his perspective, the missiles disappeared outright. Callista's claws lashed out faster than his armor could track at this stage, slicing through the projectiles with uncanny accuracy. Then again. Three times. Five. Ten. A hundred. A million. Beyond all counting.  
  
What finally struck Callista was a comparatively harmless vapor consisting of a vast multitude of atoms that, just a split second earlier, had been missiles capable of cratering much of the property on their own... and this was while she'd been flat on her back. It was a blatant spit in the face of reality, but it was as Aldonza had implied towards Viridi earlier: Kittenoan physics only meshed with realistic laws when they _wanted_ them to. The vapor blew away and dispersed on the next air draft.  
  
While Marc digested what had just happened, Callista climbed to her feet. There was something not quite right about her expression. Before she'd been fully willing to banter, make wisecracks, and snap light-heartedly at whatever was happening. But now it was as if a facade had been ripped away, showing the grief, pain and unyielding _rage_ that she'd been suppressing with Kaoru's help for twelve years. "It was you back then," she hissed. "You did this to me."  
  
"You'll have to be more specific," Marc told her coldly as he backed off to a safe distance, mentally triggering every analytic system his suit offered and quickly poring over the data that raced across his HUD. It was clearly a Super Mode of some sort that his foe had activated, but the specifics of it he wasn't fully aware of yet. _Better safe than sorry._  
  
It was clearly not the answer Callista was looking for, seeing how tears were seeping past her fur to drop towards the floor. Her words were being forcibly yanked through her teeth. "Your face... your actions... just looking at you makes my chest burn. It... it just hurts too much! How can anyone do those things to others and treat it as just another day? How?!"  
  
"Valentine's Day has already passed," Marc replied as he aimed one of his hands at her. "It's a little late to be pouring out your heart to someone."  
  
To Marc's surprise, Callista's appearance shrunk and shifted to that of a 13-year-old human in what looked like a cross between a magical girl uniform and a personalized mech-suit, both in green and gold while leaving only her face uncovered. ["What she's trying to say,"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Mi11pfUUrk) the already-transformed Glacial Buttercup informed him, her javelin-esque spiked hammer resting against her shoulder, "is that 12 years ago, either you or someone with your face quite literally _manhandled_ her. Gave her those scars." Her expression soured. "Almost raped her, too. Not the right thing to do to anyone, least of all someone who'd been male just half a year before."  
  
"I'd say whoever it was tried to copy me," Marc said, weapons charging with a malignant glow, "because I think I'd remember if I had my way with someone like her."  
  
"Which confirms that whoever was responsible was an A.U. counterpart of yours." Buttercup readied her hammer, taking a battle ready stance. "Not that it's going to help _you_ any, you psychopathic freak. So if you value your life, don't say anything about my uniform."  
  
Marc smirked mockingly, even dimming his visor so that his new enemy could see it. _"Nice skirt,"_ he stated, firing an energy blast as large as he was out of his hand...  
  
...only to see it swatted aside by Buttercup's hammer one-handed, smashing through the ceiling overhead. Debris rained down on her, but she ignored them. "And _there_ it is!" she growled, layered in an aura of lime green flames as the tomboy's anger spiked. "Thanks for nailing my Berserk Button!" She flipped up and **slammed** the hammer against the ground, launching a massive blast of her own at Marc that tore up the floor as it went. _"Graviton Drive!"_  
  
Marc triggered his armor's leg-based boosters, kicking the projectile through the hole Buttercup had created moments before--and noticed the sudden ice buildup on his foot. Left alone it would slow him down, and while most would consider it minor, he was up against two fighters in one body: one with an obvious grudge and an emphasis on speed, and the other an apparent superhero who focused on pure power. He knew he would need every edge he could get, so he increased his suit's temperature to melt the ice...  
  
...but was interrupted just after he began. Buttercup had shifted back to Callista, who had charged at him at speeds his suit had finally calculated to be approximately nine times the speed of light. She leapt into the air and threw herself into a spin, hands held out as if they were holding something. _"Hurricane---"_ she began, switching back over to Buttercup in mid-motion. _"---Lutz!"_  
  
Keeping pace, Marc mentally triggered the formation of a four-layered energy shield just before Buttercup's hammer struck him. Speed and power combined together to generate a force that shattered all four layers into a multitude of shards, smashing Marc clear through multiple walls onto the tennis courts. As he skidded to a stop, he noted Zapana's Starflare barrier past the ruined eastern wall and told himself to stay away from it: the temperature he was reading from it was leagues greater than he was able to withstand.  
  
Callista sped after him, tears flying past her face and her purse clutched in both hands. The bag changed shape, morphing [into a glaive](https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=587951) that any decent fan of Sailor Moon would have recognized on sight. "Give me back," she blared as she closed in, her voice alone making the surroundings tremble, _"what's rightfully mine!"_  
  
"You can't receive what you've never had!" was Marc's rebuff as he re-oriented himself, turning his armor into a momentary conflagration and melting the ice that Buttercup's strike had left behind. His suit's forearms became wreathed with electricity, and he caught the Silence Glaive's handle with the blade an inch away from where his armor's reactor was placed. Dialing up the voltage, he sent it down the Glaive's length to try and electrocute Callista into submission.  
  
Said try failed miserably as Buttercup took charge again, her costume absorbing the lion's share of the voltage. In the rock-paper-scissors triangle that was _Megaman Zero's_ elements, ice beat electricity any day. "Long day on the course, so I'm hitting me an albatross! _FORE!"_ she called, yanking her weapon free and golfing Marc through the ceiling with it. The force of her strike blasted the roof apart, leaving the last of the courts bereft of elemental protection.  
  
Amidst the airborne debris, Marc re-oriented himself. His scanners noted that the traitor fox was airborne over his pet robot watching it, and for a fraction of a second he toyed with sending some weapons fire her way. He dismissed the notion when he decided that would get the attention of not just her but also the DJ, forcing him to fight what was essentially a 4-on-1. Instead he used the debris to hide a full-scale launch of every warhead his suit carried, intending to catch his target off-guard with raw firepower.  
  
 _"Silence Glaive Surprise!"_  
  
He had scarce seconds to react when a wave of pure purple-tinted _void_ rippled outward from Callista's position; the debris and missiles came in contact with it and simply ceased to be, consumed without any sort of explosion. Heeding the blaring warning from his HUD, Marc shifted far enough off to the side that it took him out of the attack's range.  
  
As the void passed him by, Marc quickly assessed the options to him that were available. Callista and Buttercup clearly didn't care about collateral damage, but they only stopped holding back once the wedding guests were out of danger. In addition the latter was fully flight-capable, so staying out here in the air was getting to be a bad idea. _Better get indoors, then,_ he decided, smashing straight down through the roof into the hallway. _I can always replace all of this later._  
  
"Oh, no you don't!" Buttercup shouted as she flew to meet him from the other end, hammer already raised to swing---but he twisted up and over, barely clearing her without damaging what was left of the ceiling. He shot another repulsor blast at her back, fully expecting Callista to reappear and counter it, and wasn't disappointed when the mutant pivoted and reduced it to particles.  
  
Marc was happy to note that his armor had fully adapted to Callista's speed by now: he could actually keep pace with her movements. He ripped a still-standing door off its hinges and chucked it at her, taking advantage of the cover to return to the reception hall. As expected she was not far behind, spitting fury. She didn't seem to have noticed or cared that the armor was as fast as she was now.  
  
 _I think I've seen everything I've needed to see by now. Nick Danger, load database,_ Marc mentally transmitted through his suit's neural uplink as he peppered the air and ground with low-power laser beams, keeping Callista on the move. Finally, she was on the defensive. _Summarize all of the current target's known abilities from our records and merge with onboard data analysis._  
  
His computer responded immediately. _Primary records not found. Redirecting... ... redirecting... ... connected to off-site backups. ... Current form is labeled NINE LIVES EMERGENCE: AGGRESSION. Approximate top speed is 9.001x lightspeed. Has a level of physical strength associated with an average athletic female. Anger, anxiety and stress levels average 94.26 out of 100. Psionic Level: 100 out of 100. Prudishness Level: 92 out of 100. Common Sense: 8 out of 100. Threat level: Himitsu._  
  
Marc wasn't sure what to be more annoyed at: that his primary storage facility was offline---most likely destroyed, if there was any sort of pattern present---or that his armor had labeled her as much of a threat as the Brotherhood's long-disappeared mazoku commander. Deciding to dismiss that, he smiled. _I have your number now, you diabetes-inducing eye candy._ One of his fists began glowing. _First, a little something to throw you off balance..._ He jumped forwards to try to grab Callista and chuck her towards the ceiling, aiming for a very specific area.  
  
As predicted, Callista spat something--not profane, but not polite either--and twisted herself down and away from Marc's hand. She threw herself into a spin, trying to slash through Marc's armor but missing by scant millimeters when he went evasive---  
  
Marc's smile became more slasher-esque, and all at once he flooded his mind with mental images of everything he wished he could do to Callista in private. Nothing was held back, no matter how crass or vulgar it was---  
  
He knew he'd succeeded when Callista gasped and stopped in her tracks, taken off guard by Marc's unexpected psychic assault. She slammed one hand against her chest and the other against her forehead as if she were in immense physical pain, a wail escaping past her teeth.  
  
Circe had told him that she was poor with distractions. Given Callista's morality and personal history that was the best one he could've possibly used, and he was willing to guess that Buttercup wasn't exempt from it either. Taking full advantage of it, he leveled his glowing hand at Callista's abdomen. _**"NEUTRON SHATTER!"**_  
  
Something imploded as the sparkling blast struck and traveled straight to Callista's cells. At their very cores, the nuclei inexplicably split apart and disintegrated as they were overtaxed, dying. Outwardly, this would be evident through a massive portion of her skin and fur turning an unhealthy shade of gray, though much of both were still concealed. Inwardly, it triggered every pain sensor in the affected area, temporarily overwhelming her brain and causing her to scream much louder---  
  
Marc took advantage of the opening this gave him, muffling Callista's racket by grabbing her face with one hand. "All of your belligerence means nothing," he intoned, ignoring the claws frantically trying to dig into his suit's arm as he lifted her up to eye level. "I've got places to be and you're going with me, so _be silent and still."_  
  
With that he slammed his fist into Callista's stomach with his free hand, letting go of her face with the same motion. "CALLI!" he heard the rebellious bridesmaid cry out, but he paid her no mind as the mutant catgirl crashed into a pillar backfirst and slid to the floor. The background music inexplicably petered out, but this too was ignored.  
  
Marc smiled as he watched Callista twitch feebly, eyes open just a sliver but unable to hold any malice. Circe walked up to stand by his side; she seemed a bit tired and battle weary, but she stood up straight and refused to show any signs of weakness. "This... yes, this is what it's all about," he proclaimed. "Sweet, sweet victory."  
  
"You haven't won yet!" the DJ was heard barking from beyond the fire wall. "Hope you're set for Round Three, Your Ugliness, because your fall just got seven months closer!"  
  
Just to be sure, Marc re-scanned Callista's prone form. He believed his HUD when it told him that her physical strength was virtually non-existent by now, and her body too wracked with pain to allow her to get up. And even if she could keep fighting, what could she possibly do to counter his advances?  
  
 _No,_ he told himself. _She's done. All that's left is to exterminate the remaining saboteurs and bring the both of them to my estate, and compared to the morass that was_ this _fight, that should be simple. I can work on acquiring all of their respective businesses and assets, I can have this facility rebuilt, and that will be that._  
  
 _I win. I always win._  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
...  
  
 _At the border of consciousness and forced sleep, a familiar scene played out. Where before she felt anger, now she only felt anxiety and a deep sense of pain._  
  
 _"Sister? Big sis, where are you?"_  
  
 _No response. Only footsteps leading away._  
  
 _"Sister? ...Wait, where are you going?"_  
  
 _A silhouette. An umbrella?... No, just a wide hairstyle. It said nothing, did nothing to respond to her cries._  
  
 _"Don't leave me here! Please...!"_  
  
 _At last, a response. The vague humming of a lullaby reached her. She didn't know the song, but she did recognize the source. 'Pan's Labyrinth', wasn't it...?_  
  
 _"Please... wherever you're going... at least say good-bye...!"_  
  
 _The silhouette inclined its head in her direction, but this time it stopped humming. The footsteps stopped, and it turned to face her. "Are you feeling better, imōto-chan?" it asked, a minute bit of quirkiness in its voice._  
  
 _Taken off guard by this development, she lost track of what she wanted to say. "...Huh?"_  
  
 _"I asked if you're feeling better, imōto-chan."_  
  
 _She sighed as she got her act back together. "...No. No I'm not."_  
  
 _"Any reason why? ... Oh~, I see. It was because of me, wasn't it?"_  
  
 _"Well,_ duh. _You took off for who-knows-where without so much as a note, and then you never came back! How did you expect me to react? That I'd just take it lying down and continue living my life as if nothing was wrong? No! I had been away from my real family for thirteen years before I met you, you miserable lush!" Her words, which had started off calm, slowly degenerated into a storm of sadness and unparalleled anger. "You were the closest thing to a true sister that I'd known since I was forced to leave everyone behind! But you were in my life for only what, three years? Four, max? And then you go and take a hike without any real warning! You're asking if it was because of you? You bet your sentient sign-waving_ tail _it was b-because of you! I've b-been waiting f-for the longest time f-for y-you to either c-come back, or at least s-say good-bye like the last f-few people did!..."_  
  
 _Having finally had a chance to talk after all these years, she ranted for what felt like an hour, but wasn't much more than a few minutes. It got to the point where she ran out of things to complain about and just started repeating herself, eventually just mumbling incomprehensibly as she found it impossible to see past her tears. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this much grief._  
  
 _Finally, the silhouette decided that it had heard enough. It rested a hand on her shoulder, then placed a finger on her lips when that failed to silence her. "You have to understand, imōto-chan. I am not immortal, nor am I tied to any particular place. Any number of things could have happened to hinder or halt my return, ne~? Maybe I decided to chase after a missing dream, or decided that I'd learned what I'd needed to and returned home. It could be that my bad habits finally caught up with me. Perhaps I even drank something that I shouldn't have---even I have limits, you know. Without the ability to reverse death inherent in the Villes, maybe it's only places like here that we can truly meet again. Who knows~?"_  
  
 _She could not bring herself to speak, as trying to absorb every word was hard enough. As such, she was caught off guard when the silhouette gave her a one-handed hug. "But with that said, there's something I would like you to remember. Even though you may never see me again, I have never ever stopped thinking of you as a cute and awesome little sister. I miss you just as much as you miss me, even if showing it to the full is beyond me. Whatever you do and wherever you go, you will always have my support. Death herself cannot stop that fact." A quirky smile. "We should know that by now, considering how often we've experienced it~."_  
  
 _She hiccupped and returned the silhouette's hug. Her nose wrinkled a little. "I g-get the feeling I should be r-running the washer later. You reek l-like you've been chugging c-cases of Corona, and t-that's enough to make a p-person sick," she managed to choke out._  
  
 _Raising its free hand, the silhouette lightly smacked her forehead with its index and middle fingers. "Boke," it whispered, never once dropping its smile. "That one was awful."_  
  
 _"Sister, it's m-me. Did you r-really expect anything l-less?"_  
  
 _"Not really." The figure's ears twitched. "Though I think my time here's ended. Your fellow ruffians are calling you."_  
  
 _She reluctantly let go, and felt the silhouette do the same. "I guess this is the last time we'll be meeting, huh?"_  
  
 _The figure shrugged. "Probably, given that life with all its troubles is moving ahead of us. Though there's still enough time for one last parting gift." It tapped its fingers against its lips before pressing them into her forehead. "My apology for all the trouble my disappearance caused you. Never forget me, and I'll never forget you." A toothed smile as bright as the sun. "Sweet dreams and good-bye, imōto-chan. Knock 'em dead~."_  
  
 _As the silhouette waved her farewell and vanished along with the dream, offering a glimpse of blonde hair tipped a very dark brown before it was gone for good,[a more uplifting melody](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5or0rrhnnkw) than that lullaby wrapped itself around her. As she lost herself in it, Callista found herself experiencing a sensation she hadn't felt in years._  
  
 _Delirium._  
  
 _Euphoria._  
  
 ** _Bliss._**  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
D.C. rematerialized, slapping her counterpart's hand with her own. "Tag in," she ordered. "Square it away!"  
  
A nod. "I'll be back shortly," L.C. said as she dematerialized.  
  
A soft chortle as the darkness leaned back in a recliner. _Those poor schmoes aren't going to know what hit them._  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
In a flash, Callista's ebony markings turned to snow. This didn't give Marc and Circe pause, but her standing up and opening her diamond-like eyes did. "You're sure she was finished?" the sorceress asked. "Shutting off her pain receptors is a favorite trick of hers. Want me to ensure she _stays_ down?"  
  
Callista wobbled unsteadily, wincing, then straightened. "It's over," she breathed, words directed at no one in particular. Her ears twitched as she heard Zapana cheering. "No worries, Kaoru. I'll be alright. Everything's okay now. Your job's done. Take it easy."  
  
"I think she's delirious," Marc answered low enough for everyone except to Circe to miss it entirely. "Full of issues, isn't she? It shouldn't take much for me to finish what I started. Sit back and enjoy the show."  
  
Circe obligingly took a few steps back. "It'll be nice to finally end this farce. Callista?" she addressed her, raising her voice to be heard over the music that had started up again. "You're going to regret not having your belongings packed. You can either join us on your own power or make us _carry_ you, but either way this is your last chance to call it quits."  
  
Callista slowly shook her head and sighed. "Not going to happen."  
  
Marc's hands aimed at her, charging up another Neutron Shatter. "And what, pray tell, is going to stop me from taking her? If turning black couldn't keep me from laying you out, what good is turning white going to do? I can stop you cold at any time, and you know it."  
  
Callista didn't answer his claim. Instead she reverted Shape-Shifter back to its normal purse form and returned it to her shoulder, adjusting it a little. Picking up her fallen shopping bag _which hadn't even been in the same room_ , she pulled some Dr. Pepper out and drank some of it down, relishing its taste as all the battle damage she'd sustained that day reversed itself. When she switched her pain receptors back on, her brain reported a figurative 'all clear'.  
  
Marc snarled, and his hands' glow doubled in intensity. "Are you even paying attention to me, you little furry wretch?"  
  
"Compliment received in the spirit it was intended," Callista answered, punctuating her comment with a yawn.  
  
"That wasn't a compliment! _NEUTRON---"_ Marc made to fire, but suddenly stopped as the glow receded. If someone listened carefully they could hear him mumbling: "Data not found... general drive error... what...?"  
  
"For all of your foolhardy claims, you're right about one thing." The entire time she spoke, Callista never lost her beatific expression or peaceful tone of voice. It was hard to believe that she was even the same person. "I have issues, too many to count, and I don't expect to resolve them all by the time I die a natural death. It's too easy for me to completely lose myself in my emotions at the slightest provocation. As far back as I can recall, I've never been a stable person."  
  
"'Stable' in the loosest definition of the word, of course," a plushie of Zelas Metallium pointed out before vanishing as quickly as it appeared.  
  
The mutant deliberately turned her back on Marc, staring up at what was left of the ceiling. She didn't seem to have realized that the plushie had even been there. "But it doesn't matter in the long run. For all of my faults, people have been willing to put up with me. I have friends and family here who care about me in their own twisted ways. No tricks, no manipulation, no fooling." She noticed Circe open her mouth as if she wanted to say something, but ended up keeping silent.  
  
Marc tried again to shut Callista's mental faculties down using the same tactic as previous... only this time there was no recognition of his thoughts at all. As he wondered what had changed, the mutant did not stop talking. "The point I'm trying to make is that if I can come to grips with everything and calm myself down, then everything changes. I'm content with my lot in life. Nothing matters anymore. I just can't bring myself to be angry or even apathetic with any of it. It's all... irrelevant."  
  
"You talk too much, dragon hugger!" Marc erupted, fed up with Callista's serenity. "Just lay down and submit yourself to me already!" Unable to fire his chosen weapon or render her helpless anymore, he instead sent the armor rocketing at her across the ground.  
  
"Let me repeat myself," Callista reminded him, completely ignoring both the charge and the Bahija-related insult. "It's over. _Quantum Cutters."_ She helped herself to a brownie off the dessert table and tossed it in her mouth---  
  
And in mid-step, Marc's gaudy and powerful armor dissolved into so much vapor that blew away on the next gust of wind, causing him to stumble and plow into the ground just shy of the dessert table. There wasn't even any visual evidence that she had attacked.  
  
 _ **"OWNED!"**_ Zapana howled distantly.  
  
Some of the guests applauded politely, most of them from Circe's faction. Claire was much less restrained, cheering and leaping in the air as high as she safely could. Elk was waving a PFL pennant with Callista's face on it in one hand, and a giant foam finger on the other; where he got those items from on short notice is a question best left unanswered. Ellen was as silent as ever, though a paper-crafted smiley face was floating next to her. Those maids who weren't cheering just continued to watch nervously.  
  
With a handful of exceptions, Marc's faction was completely silent. Most of them had faces that ranged from 'I can't believe this is happening!' to 'Foul! She can't do that!' Circe's own expression warred between disbelief and a mounting anger as she realized that her betrothed wasn't going to win this one.  
  
Callista helped herself to a few snacks from the buffet, completely unmoved as she worked to offset her inevitable exhaustion.  
  
Marc's hand tried to seize Callista's foot, but she was seven feet away before he could complete the attempt. "You sneak," he seethed as he stood up, full of menace and vehemence. "You little furry _sneak._ You were toying with me, weren't you? _Toying_ with me! You could have ended it at any time just by doing that! What, did you just feel like getting some exercise first?"  
  
"It's not that simple," Callista said, slowly shaking her head. "Have you never considered that I might have a very good _excuse_ for not fighting you at my best from the start?" Marc started to interrupt her, but a piece of duct tape slammed over his mouth seemingly of its own accord. "I've never wanted power. Never deliberately sought it out. No point in having it if people are just going to abuse it. But as long as I _do_ have it, I'm going to make sure any reasons I have for using it are iron-clad." Another brownie disappeared into her mouth. "Because when you get right down to it, what practical use could there be for claws that---at their sharpest and fastest---can atomize reality and kill time and space itself?"  
  
Points were allotted to Marc for ripping the tape off his mouth without so much as flinching, although it took a few hairs off his mustache with it. "And you don't freely exercise this _why?_ You could _easily_ become the most powerful mortal in existence. No one would be surprised if you joined the level of the gods themselves. You say there's no point in having power if it's just going to be abused? No! Having power is the point in itself!"  
  
"And that, vulgar _scumbag_ , is why she's a better human than you. Try wrapping your head around _that_ statement."  
  
Everyone looked towards what was left of the wedding hall. Viridi and Missy had just entered; both looked as if neither of them had sustained any battle damage at all, despite them having engaged in what was essentially Muffin-grade warfare. Right behind them were a small pile of unconscious mercenaries---cocooned like Phosphora had done to Mrs. Aryu---who had tried and failed to break the duo's blockade. "Why're you saying that to him?" Missy grumbled dismissively to her archenemy. "He's not going to listen to that anymore than I would. Ten to one he's going to say that he's in the right---"  
  
"---no matter what you say!" Marc was shouting, only to pause and do a double-take. "What the..."  
  
Missy nodded sagely. "Didn't even have to use up all my minutes for that one."  
  
Someone's feet was heard shuffling. Marc saw a brown-haired woman in a modified Japanese school uniform stumble into the area. She seemed burned, scraped up, and all-around on edge. "And what are _you_ doing here?" he sneered at her.  
  
Tears fell from the woman's eyes. "Sorry, Mr. Maddhouse," she confessed, her accent left intact just enough to identify her as his best man; this recognition made his eyes widen. "They got meeee..."  
  
Missy immediately bolted after her, staff glowing with a malevolent light. _"DEATH TO THE FUKU!_ "  
  
The woman screamed hysterically and took off, making tracks over the demolished walls for the distant horizon. Missy didn't bother pursuing her very far, instead pointing at her with a laugh; a squad of stormtroopers left over from her battle took up the chase in her stead, their shots hitting everything _except_ the woman.  
  
Marc's hands tightened as he saw Dean flee in the face of Missy's insanity. "Not you too...!"  
  
["When you have power over others](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhCQ6jQIgeQ), your right is to use it responsibly," Callista informed him, throwing some trash away. Some observant guests noticed that the rest of the blueberry cheesecake and a heaping helping of tuna casserole had gone missing; they looked up just in time to see several slices of plastic-wrapped wedding cake disappear into her shopping bag. "People like you who think you're above consequences, who think women only exist to give you pleasure and be controlled? It was only a matter of time before someone put you in your place. It's only fitting that the person who does it was once a male herself."  
  
"Listen to yourself. You saying I'm being controlled somehow? Bu$#^!#$," Circe protested. "I would not be in love with this man if that were the case. You know me better than that!"  
  
"Two words, Circe: flash drives," Callista said, not letting Marc out of her direct line of sight.  
  
"'Flash drives'? What are you---"  
  
"So what?" Marc interrupted with a sniff, arrogance not effected in the least. "All I'm hearing from that is that you just admitted to being transgender. That means nothing to me."  
  
"It's amazing how much you know about me is based on assumptions," Callista replied, not giving in to the jab. "You assumed I was average just because I'm physically weak compared to other fighters in Muffinville. That my intelligence is subpar just because you have a genius I.Q. That just because I look weak, simple-minded and cute, that makes me an easy target. That just because I chose not to kill you with my full power, I was deliberately toying with you. That I was 'transgender' just because I was born male, yet I self-identify as a girl. By the time we're finished here, the Mirage of Deceit is going to prove you wrong about each one of those." A tiny smile graced her lips. "Whether you like it or not."  
  
"Seriously," Circe tried to cut in, slowly losing her battle with her temper. "What the #$&% do you mean by 'flash drives'?"  
  
"You just answered your own question, sorceress," Viridi chided her. "Nice choice of words, by the way."  
  
"What are you talking abo---"  
  
Callista held up a hand, still addressing Marc. "Before I forget... you know what the kicker is? I didn't even have to worry about you trying to violate me. Kittenoans, be they natural-born or created through mutations like the one I received as a child, are completely incapable of having intercourse with humans... their anatomy and genetics are just too different. Once my rage subsided enough for me to remember that, everything fell into place. Your sickening thoughts, your perverse existence... they have no hold on me. At all. Really, this entire battle was over before it began."  
  
The sinking disbelief on Marc's face told her that she'd finally succeeded in demoralizing him. She took a few steps away before deciding it was safe to turn her back on him. "But in the event that you still don't believe you're thoroughly outclassed..." Callista gestured to the still burning Starflare, visible past the partially-demolished hallway. "Then sit back and witness. It's time for you to see just how little of a chance you stood in the long run." Her eyes flicked at Circe for a moment. "And that means you too."  
  
Circe's response was to charge energy into her arm, looking more stressed than she'd been when Ellen and Elk had been keeping her at bay. Callista guessed that she was trying to focus enough power to use Nappa's Volcano Explosion technique, a gift from a death crystal she'd left behind some years back. _Can't have that,_ she thought, focusing.  
  
A telekinetic gesture disrupted Circe's concentration, pushing her into a chair and pinning her there with the back of her own dress. The energy she'd gathered flew out of control and soared over the guests' heads, making them flinch as it detonated against the wall... but Ellen's shields were fast enough to keep the blast from reaching them. Callista transmitted a _-"Thanks"-_ to the younger girl, and heard a _-"...You're welcome"-_ in response.  
  
Circe tried to pull herself free, but both she and the chair refused to move. "This isn't funny, Callista! Let me out of this!"  
  
"Begging to differ!" Missy crowed. "So begging to differ! _Bwahahahahaha!"_  
  
 _ **"Shut up, you!"**_  
  
"Missy, stop antagonizing the angry witch," Callista ordered, not once raising her voice.  
  
"Angry witch? More like angry b--- _d'oh!"_ Missy tried to retort, only to get clocked senseless by Viridi's staff. "Ooh, birdies~. Is it spring already~?"  
  
Callista nodded in appreciation (to which Viridi mouthed "You owe me"), then tilted her head meaningfully at Marc; the billionaire scowled and refused to sit down, but didn't look like he was about to go anywhere. "Thank you. Now, then. Aldonza? Zapana? Sorry for the wait. You have your orders."  
  
Neither of them answered, but the Starflare fizzled out of existence... and no time was wasted as the crab mech went back on the warpath. The air once more lit up with lasers, noise, and high-octane firepower... but the saboteurs knew that these amounted to nothing more than death throes.  
  
 _Not much longer._


	9. And That's All They Wrote

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The saboteurs wrap things up and deal with any loose ends.

"'Sorry for the wait', she says. Why's she apologizing for offering me a good time?"  
  
"Most people don't think that fighting a robot that's gone next-level qualifies as a good time, Zapana!"  
  
"Then those people seriously need to get out more. Nothing wrong with dressing up just for the sake of dressing up!"  
  
 _"Again,_ not what most people mean...!"  
  
"Aw, cool your jets. She gave a good speech. I liked listening to it. Whatcha complaining about?"  
  
As soon as Callista had given the order to finish what they visited the rec-center to do, Zapana had dropped her Starflare barrier. Almost immediately, the crab mech---and it still bugged her that they'd never gotten an official name for it---[began deluging them with most of its arsenal.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzbMIgkbCzo) Based on the I.D.'s analysis of the machine and her own observations, she guessed that the robot had taken the time trapped by the barrier to reproduce more of its physical weaponry and recharge everything else. Not that it mattered; the both of them were still much too fast for it, as Marc apparently hadn't seen fit to outfit it with his suit's adaptation technology.  
  
Zapana had worked out exactly how much force was needed to unbalance the machine and send it flying without causing its reactor to go critical. In order to utilize the alternate method Aldonza had suggested, it was required for them to relocate to another fighting ground. As such, the both of them were luring the crab over to the tennis courts where the crowd of guests could see them better, exchanging banter the whole time. It helped that Missy and Viridi, its original targets, had joined everyone in the reception hall. The trick was to draw a fine line between actually _luring_ the crab and outright fighting it, but as far as could be seen they were doing a decent job.  
  
That's not to say everything was coming up roses. The robot had gained a new trick in the interim: grenades filled with nerve and mustard gas were beginning to make things a bit dicey. After the first time Aldonza had fully healed from being struck with one, she went out of her way to make sure the mech didn't successfully use any more by outright blasting them out of the air with hurricane-force bursts. The grenades were carried away, arcing into the open sub-basement on the far side of the facility, and any lingering gas in the vicinity was erased from existence by Zapana's flames. The wolf made a note to dispose of the rest downstairs later.  
  
At last the robot was in position. Zapana regarded Aldonza briefly, and they smirked at each other as Viridi's words cut across their minds. Time to end this.  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
Mind working fast as he sought a way out of this situation, Marc watched with frustration as the DJ and the traitor fox danced around the crab mech, yanking its figurative chain this way and that while nicely evading nearly everything it could offer.  
  
 _I should have done some scans of them while I had the chance. I'd like nothing more than to figure out why their attacks aren't being nullified by the anti-magic measures I had installed! Is_ _ **nothing**_ _going to go right for me today?!_  
  
...  
  
Unbeknownst to him, there were several factors Marc had neglected to consider. The first was that while magic was a major factor in plenty of the abilities of Muffinville's residents, nullifying that magic actually made the situation a bit dicier for him. Aldonza possessed a Jusenkyo curse which would have turned her into a normal human upon contact with cold water, but the anti-magic's area of effect served to nullify that curse, keeping her in peak condition.  
  
The second was that Aldonza and Zapana's combat abilities were the product of genetic mutations, enhancements, and--in Zapana's case--alterations, without an ounce of magic associated with either. They weren't humans that were magically transformed into animal-esque bipeds: they were Kittenoans, interdimensional space aliens in every sense of the term. If anything, magic on their homeworld was _dying._  
  
The third was that while combat mechs of that size were dangerous, it was nothing the two of them hadn't faced before. The both of them combined had at least sixty years of combat experience under their belts, and they had faced no shortage of oddities in that time. Fighting giant robots was old hat to them.  
  
The fourth and biggest factor was that while the machine's defenses were powerful, they still had limits. It was that plain and simple.  
  
Everyone watched as the robot was lured to the northwest corner of the tennis courts, at which point the two fighters seemed to stop for a quick breather. -"What are you two waiting for?"- Viridi demanded impatiently. -"Just destroy it already. We know you're capable of it!"-  
  
-"Maybe, maybe not,"- Zapana commented. For reasons Marc didn't get, there was plenty of mirth in her tone. -"There's the little matter of _not_ wanting to nuke this place today. I hate to say it, but destroying it my preferred way is a rotten idea."-  
  
-"So, yeah. Totally off the table,"- Aldonza added. She too sounded amused. -"And if we can't do it ourselves..."-  
  
Many of those watching, including Marc, thought that the unspoken words were along the lines of "we'll go down swinging" or "we'll hold the line while everyone leaves". The reality of the situation was far more optimistic.  
  
Aldonza's fists tightened, and with a fierce bark that startled everyone her orange fur turned a startlingly hot pink. A sparking battle aura of the same color scorched the immediate vicinity as it blossomed to life. Her tail twisted in front of her, formulating a tornado as it went, and she directed her laser vision into it. _"Tail Laser Cannon!"_  
  
An emerald energy beam several meters in diameter struck one of the mech's eyes---by complete coincidence, the same one Claire had blasted earlier. While the crab was designed to withstand intense heat, its optical shields needed to be made of less sturdier materials in order for its eyes to do the job they were designed for... and the T.L.C. was first created to bypass defenses anyway. The beam washed against the eye for a few seconds before finally melting through. The resulting explosion wrecked half of its optics and---as a bonus---damaged the micro-factories responsible for producing its gas grenades beyond repair.  
  
Aldonza shut off her laser vision and slowed down her tail. "You can do better than that," she shouted, waving the mech towards her. "C'mon!"  
  
Thus challenged, the crab brought its full arsenal to bear on her. Aldonza's limbs and tail vanished from sight, punching, kicking and slapping aside every energy bolt, bullet, missile and grappling hook that flew her way. That wasn't to say she was unharmed from all of this, but for now her regeneration and Combat Drive were helping her stay the course. Occasionally she directed some of the projectiles back at the crab, making sure it stayed focused on her, but the majority of them instead decimated those parts of the building that hadn't entirely collapsed yet. Before long only the western conference rooms were still standing, and even then there were significantly large holes all over the place.  
  
While distracted in this way, there wasn't anything the crab could do when Zapana approached it, fist already charged with black fire. With a grunt she started to lift it with her other arm, putting more force behind it than she had been using up to this point. Whirs and sparks could be heard as she destabilized and overworked via pure physical might every measure that was keeping the machine ground-bound. The more strength she exerted, the more the systems fizzled---  
  
Another cannon dropped out of the crab's underside, aimed at Zapana's stomach, and fired. Fully occupied, she didn't even try to dodge it---  
  
An eye blast from Aldonza caught the bolt, deflecting it off course even as she continued her role. Instead of Zapana's stomach, it nicked her in the side in passing before flying off to parts unknown. The wolf smiled gratefully, but when she spoke it was to the crab. "You call that defense-piercing? We'll _show_ you defense-piercing! _Hall of Holyfield!"_ Her flaming fist, backed up by a portion of her full power, arced upward and slugged the crab's underside.  
  
The crab's armor stood up reasonably well against both the temperature- and phsyical-based aspects of the attack, but it was never Zapana's intention to finish it herself. Instead the crab was smashed end over end through the air, scattering anything in its flight path---including what was left of the ceiling and the courts' western wall. Thankfully the ever-observant Ellen knew to keep her cards mobile, blocking or destroying any debris that threatened the conference rooms' stability.  
  
Marc shook his head. _Raw power or not, it's going to take more than a single punch to destroy it. Defense-piercing, my---_  
  
"Go for it, Mini-Lina!" the gleeful Aldonza shouted at someone even as she struggled to stay upright. "It's all yours!"  
  
 _...Wait a moment. 'Mini-Lina'? I don't remember seeing anyone else here, and I think my armor would have told me earlier if someone else had appeared mid-fight..._ Marc turned in the direction Aldonza had yelled in. Not seeing anyone, he grabbed a convenient pair of binoculars and double-checked---  
  
Over the noise of battle, a soft yet dangerous voice echoed back to those present. "Lords of darkness of the four worlds..."  
  
\---there. On a roof across the street, at a business front that had escaped the worst of Missy and Viridi's little war, stood a foot-sized figurine. Marc focused the best he could, noticing the bright red-orange hair, the yellow and dark red traveling clothes---  
  
"...I call upon you, grant me all the power you possess!..."  
  
\---and the four orbs equipped to her belt, wrists, and neck [that were starting to glow red.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhzLsEQztp4)  
  
 _...Oh._ Marc paled as he recognized [who the figurine was modeled after](https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=3085758). _Well, %^ &*# this situation, and %^&*# the marriage: they can __**keep**_ _her for all I care. I'm getting out of here while I still can!_ With a glimmer of light and a pop of rushing air he vanished from view, startling those who had been keeping their eyes on him.  
  
Callista made no move to stop him, deciding to put her trust in her contingency plan instead.  
  
...  
  
Mini-Lina started into her windup even as Marc opted to skedaddle. _"You of dreams that frighten... icy sword of darkness..."_  
  
The gargantuan crab began its downward descent, dropping down towards Mini-Lina. Undeterred by the growing shadow, her chant steadily rose in volume as she summoned the power of the entity responsible for the _Mungojerrie's_ wards. _"...free yourself and fuse with my power and body, that we may both traverse the path of destruction...!"_  
  
A thin pillar of inky black light and crackling energy formed out of nothingness. The figurine took hold of it, shaping it into one of the most dangerous weapons known to man. _"Power that rings through the halls of the divine...!"_  
  
The crab had fallen far enough that it filled her field of vision entirely, and for a moment it looked as if she would be crushed beneath it---  
  
 _ ****_  
  
If anyone unfamiliar with her thought a pint-sized figurine meant a pint-sized chaos spell, they were shocked into silence. The Ragna Blade sliced through the robot with all of the size and fury of the original, primordial chaos treating all of its defenses as optional and entirely obliterating whatever it touched with casual ease---including the nuclear reactor, which never had the chance to destabilize. Mini-Lina pivoted and took an additional swing before letting go of the spell, annihilating the crab. Chunks of scorched metal and damaged machinery cratered the building's facade and the roof around her, but she ignored them.  
  
A cracked microchip fell to the roof next to Mini-Lina. Scowling contemptuously, she stomped on it a few times to shatter it. ["You see that?](https://youtu.be/PVxTZUbUZQE?t=199) _That's_ how you beat giant robot crabs, people! _And you don't even need Commando Bombs!"_ she hollered, planting her hands on her hips and laughing.  
  
...  
  
"Aldonza-chan," Zapana uttered dryly, a sweatdrop near her now-blue eye, "you're a bad influence on that doll."  
  
Aldonza's pink fur faded pack to its regular orange and her battle aura vanished, her Combat Drive having run its course. "Oh, hush."  
  
Beat.  
  
"So... should I be worried that neither Ambush nor Marc seem to be anyplace around?" Aldonza asked, looking around.  
  
Zapana took her time walking back to her station to stop the music. "Nah, don't bother. The situation's covered."  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
A block and a half away, Marc's teleport had dropped him in an alley behind a condemned hardware store. He didn't stay to see the crab mech's destruction, instead bolting away as far as he could and teleporting each time he regained the power to do so. Once he was within range of a cellphone tower that actually _worked_ he intended to get into contact with his preferred lawyers, thus why he was keeping an eye on his phone as he fled. Since he couldn't best them on the field of battle, he'd have to settle for humiliating them in the courthouse.  
  
As he paused to catch his breath in an alley adjacent to some shop or another, Marc thought back on everything that had gone wrong. Much like some of the guests he'd had a hand in inviting, he'd previously believed that the brilliant-minded Harrison girl had masterminded the entire attack. While her measured I.Q. came nowhere close to matching his and it was a tossup as to whether she would've been able to defeat his armor given time, she had a reputation for rarely ever putting her wrong foot forward and for being a fast learner. In addition she was frequently seen in Circe's company, so it stood to reason that she'd have a personal investment in the whole affair. But judging by the insurmountable _chaos_ that had befallen the recreation center...  
  
Now he understood why Callista's threat level had been labeled "Himitsu": she was as whimsical and dangerous as %$&#.  
  
 _But I'm still here. She didn't catch me. I can recover from this. All I have to---_  
  
[An easily-recognized raspy voice](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iduyhXQP9bk) interrupted his musings. From where it was coming from, he couldn't determine. "Let me tell you something, housefly. There's a movie line that I've wanted to use in the proper context for years. Now that I have a specific excuse to go after you personally, I finally have that opportunity."  
  
Maddhouse panicked as he realized the full impact of what was about to happen. He tried to flee, to quicken his pace---  
  
\---and was greeted with a purple gemstone, bright yellow eyes, and enough teeth to make the average dentist set for life. "Oh _hai_ Marc," Ambush Cat chirped as she hung upside-down by her tail from a non-existent rafter. Her eyes blazed yellow, trapping the one who dared have his way with her friends and family within its virulent stare and bumping the 'Fear' center of the target's brain up to its maximum.  
  
It doesn't matter if you're above the atmosphere or inside it: if you're in space, no one can hear you scream.  
  
...  
  
...  
  
The door to the nondescript magic shop opened, and Raleigh leaned out to survey the area. Seeing and sensing nothing, he smiled knowingly and shut the door, returning to his business and content that there was no need for him to intervene.  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
With the immediate threats dealt with, Callista allowed herself to drop back to her human form. Her eyes and hair remained snowy, her emotional high still far on the "positive" side of the scale. She registered the guests' thoughts and determined that no matter who they had supported, none of them were inclined to argue the issue. She saw Zapana enter and stop the music that was still playing, Aldonza splitting from her to fulfill her role as a medic. "Well then... mission accomplished?" the shopaholic asked after a few moments of silence.  
  
Aldonza's tail lowered from Claire's neck and upper back, the maid's wounds fully healed. "Guess so. The wedding's been 'cancelled', the facility's in tatters, and the labs downstairs are unsalvageable. Can't really think of any loose ends..."  
  
 _SNAP-HISS._  
  
"Scratch that," Aldonza retracted as Circe teleported out of the chair she was stuck to, standing upright a foot away from it. "I guess there's a loose end after all."  
  
Circe turned this way and that as if trying to detect something. "Marc!" she called. Getting no response, she turned to the only one present who could have been responsible for his disappearance. "Where did he go, Callista?" She marched towards her occasional landlord, hands tightened enough that her knuckles were turning white. "What did you do to him? _What did you do to him?"_  
  
"I did nothing," Callista said. "He teleported away. And before you accuse me of lying to no avail, I heard his thoughts before he left. Mini-Lina's presence spooked him, and he decided to head for the hills."  
  
"...He left me," Circe whispered, trembling. "He just left me at the altar..."  
  
"The altar was totaled," Zapana reminded her, pointing at a particular piece of wreckage. "So it's more like he left you at a chair."  
  
 _"Rrrrghh...!"_ Circe reached out and grabbed Callista's shoulders, pulling her into a face-to-face meeting; Aldonza tried to intercept, but her ex-boss waved her off. "Why, Callista? Tell me, _why did you and yours deliberately go out of your way to make this one of the worst days of my life? All these years of 'friendship' and supporting me whenever you could, and you just go and betray me like this! Do you seriously hate me that much? WHY DID YOU DO THIS?!"_  
  
"To fulfill the creed of an old friend." Callista folded her arms as she spoke, unfazed by her predicament. "To paraphrase: ' **Kill** the darkness. **Burn** the angst. **Purge** the bad end.'"  
  
For several moments, Circe looked as if she wanted a giant worm to erupt from the ground and devour Callista whole; her eyes were narrowed, her teeth were drawn back in a furious snarl, several veins around her forehead pulsed, and the temperature around her increased drastically. There was enough anger there that Callista shifted back to her hybrid form in case some additional combat was in order, her impending exhaustion notwithstanding. Across the room, Eebon and some others staggered and struggled to keep from passing out due to the malevolent aura that the sorceress was emitting. They'd seen her angry before, but never to the point where she was the embodiment of it...  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
 _The sound of glass fragmenting, splintering and collapsing into dust as the pressure eclipsed what it could withstand, freeing what was trapped inside---_  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
And said malevolence abruptly vanished as Circe's fury evaporated, causing most of those present to sag in relief. Her damaged wedding dress and footwear twisted and morphed back to her standard sorceress attire, her hair reworked itself from its 'Princess Leia' style back to its massive ponytail and one-eye-blinding bangs, and she gave Callista the biggest smile that she was psychologically capable of. "Thanks a lot. I owe you big time for this," she said as she let her go.  
  
...  
  
Nearly everyone facefaulted, shaking the premises. Even more telling was Callista's reaction: Circe's statement freaked her out far more than any anger did, unbalancing the positivity she'd been radiating and reverting her back to normal. The fur on her ears, ruff, and tail stood on end as she struggled to get her thoughts organized, and she hurriedly slammed her sunglasses back over her eyes. "...Okay. First, _what?_ Second, _in blazes?!"_  
  
An eyebrow raised. ["You seriously thought that](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E02TWrVv7aY) I _wanted_ to go through with that marriage, correct?" Circe settled back into the chair that she'd previously been pinned to, wiping her brow with a stray napkin. "Let's start with you. Why did you want to disrupt the ceremony that badly?"  
  
Callista's feline features melted back into her human form, the better to keep from destroying something after losing her mind. She almost fell over as her transformation's energy drain hit her hard, but she puppeteered her limbs and forced herself to stay upright. "Because I _know_ that guy. Everything I'd heard and seen told me that he doesn't have a single redeeming trait at all, and that was _before_ I met him in person! How he's managed to live in Muffinville this long without getting transformed is beyond me!"  
  
Circe nodded. "I ascertained that much when I met him. He would've taken my manor, my staff in its entirety, all the property I've owned... he would've taken _me._ I would've lost all control. But... at that point I didn't mind too much, at least not outwardly. That love potion he'd stolen from my shop was incredibly potent."  
  
Callista facepalmed. "A love potion," she uttered weakly. "Because of course. It always has to be the thing that causes people the most trouble. _So_ glad I've never been hit with one of those."  
  
"Trouble _is_ synonymous with them, I'll give you that." Circe's smile was more triumphant than happy this time. "But the ones I produce have one important weakness: raw anger and hatred. At the back of my mind I knew that what was transpiring wasn't _right_ , but I wasn't able to force myself to care. I was just too... _giddy,"_ she explained, spitting out the word as if it were profanity. "I wanted so badly to entrust my life to someone like him, ignoring his sociopathic tendencies entirely. The thrill of a long-lasting marriage, of being with someone who genuinely cares..."  
  
"I wouldn't know how that feels," Callista commented almost gleefully. "Lifelong bachelorette, and I'm proud of it." She grabbed a danish out of her shopping bag, tore open the wrapping, and proceeded to devour it. "Singleness forever!"  
  
Circe gave her a weird look before continuing. "Anyway, as I said, even then I still had that inkling that it wasn't right. So when Doris was putting together the invites, I hinted to her that you and the others might want to attend. I was banking on the fact that you'd be incensed enough at what was happening that you would want to disrupt the ceremony in your own way. In turn, I would've been enraged enough at the best day of my life being ruined that it would nullify the potion's effects and snap me back to my senses." She stared off the side, the slightest bit disgruntled. "Hoping for the best was all I could do."  
  
Aldonza slammed a hand against one of the surviving tables a few times, bent over almost double. Before anyone could ask if something was wrong, she threw back her head and howled with laughter. "Oh-ho-ho-ho, that was _glorious!"_  
  
Missy was on her knees and giggling, relying on her staff to keep herself from collapsing entirely. Zapana was no better, though her own laughter exited her teeth as a wheezing hiss a la Muttley. Claire and Viridi didn't laugh, but the broad smiles they sported told their story easily enough.  
  
Ellen didn't look up from the card game she'd started in the wreckage with a few Brotherhood plushies. She and Elk were among the few who had escaped Circe's aura unaffected. "...Never had any doubts."  
  
Callista shook her head, but even she was trying to keep from grinning like a fool. "Only you, Circe. Only you would think of using anger as a _failsafe_ against love. Usually it's the other way around."  
  
"Time and personal experience have taught me to _always_ have a failsafe in my products for this sort of situation. Ostensibly it was to be used in case the potion's recipient wasn't happy with her new relationship, but that's just a bonus. Magic has been used against me as often as I use it in return, so it was only a matter of time before I got wise to it all." Circe rolled her eyes. "You'd think those people would have learned by now."  
  
"Heh... how'd he even get close enough to you to use the potion in the first place, tangerine?" Missy questioned, recovering from her giggling fit. "Knowing you, he should've failed right off the bat."  
  
Circe frowned at the insult, but decided to ignore it. She'd heard worse from Zapana a decade past, and reacting to Missy would've just encouraged her. "I was behind the counter that day reading a news article. I heard someone come in, but I was almost finished reading, so I decided to just wrap that up before seeing who it was. I heard Cynth squeal a warning, felt something electrical hit my brain, heard a voice saying something..." She ran through a quick mental exercise that her sword instructor taught her, and her frown deepened. Those closest to her shied away from her at that expression. "And then I told him that if he wanted to test any of my products on me for free, that was perfectly fine. When Cynth started acting up, I told her in no uncertain terms to stay quiet and not say a word about it to anyone."  
  
"Hapan Gun of Command."  
  
Circe turned to Callista. "Hm? You recognize what he did?"  
  
"Sure do," Callista confirmed, the words transitioning into a brief growl. "The Gun of Command hits the target with an electromagnetic field that disrupts the brain and makes it so whoever's shot can't tell the difference between his own thoughts and those of the wielder. For a limited time, the target will follow any simple commands given. At a guess, Marc used it to ensure that you would drink your own potion and keep Cynth from blabbing to your staff, Doris finding out anyway notwithstanding."  
  
"That little _grease stain!"_ the psychotic maid who'd attacked Callista earlier blurted out, looking as if she were in the midst of a conniption. "Where is he? Where?!"  
  
"Drew, calm down!" Madison grabbed her arm before she could run off, though that didn't keep her from struggling. The fish-woman dug in her heels to keep from being dragged away. "Control yourself!"  
  
Most of the guests were muttering to each other. Even those of Marc's diehards didn't look thrilled at what they'd learned, and the maids were just plain mad. Circe ignored them all, instead favoring Callista with a raised eyebrow. "And you know all of that because...?"  
  
"...I _may_ have been hit with that gun once in the past," Callista admitted, blushing with her eyes towards the floor. "Not one of my prouder moments."  
  
"Even without that, we've delved rather heavily into 'Star Wars'-related stuff the past 25 years," Aldonza pointed out, ignoring Mini-Lina as the figurine flew down to settle in one of her jacket's pockets. "It would be strange if she _didn't_ know that."  
  
"Especially since one of those guns eventually led to Leia marrying Han in the 'Legends' timeline," Viridi griped, sipping from a cup of fruit punch (made entirely with natural ingredients). "Seriously, writers?"  
  
Circe was quiet for a minute as she pondered what she'd been told, during which time the ruined reception hall fell into an uncomfortable silence. "I ought to be a lot more upset about this... but between all of you staging an intervention and Ambush Cat arguably being _worse_ as long as I've known him, I'm finding it difficult to be fully furious about it. Right now I just want to..." She perked up as she realized that one member of Callista's faction was inexplicably absent. "Say... where _did_ Ambush go, anyway?"  
  
"...Mom said that she had to drop off Mr. Maddhouse at St. Dogbert's Hospital. Something about 'cleansing the demons of stupidity', in her words," Ellen spoke up, laying a four-of-a-kind down and forcing her opposition to fold.  
  
"Wait. St. Dogbert? He didn't seem too hurt from what I saw," Claire pointed out.  
  
"..." Ellen held up the back of her hand. Faintly visible there was a light scratch that hadn't been there _before_ the plan had been set in motion. It hadn't been deep enough to draw blood, but the fact that it was there to start with spoke volumes. There was a chorus of "oohs" from those present.  
  
"And just so we're clear, I'm not responsible? Maddhouse did that?" Circe asked, not giving in to the mild dread that permeated the atmosphere.  
  
"...My dislike of him notwithstanding, he was a decent fighter. It got past my armor, even," Ellen confirmed. "...I think the first thing Mom did when she discovered it was to---"  
  
 _ **"Too much information!"**_ everyone in earshot aside from her siblings roared, blasting Ellen's hair straight back and sending her Alice band flying.  
  
Ellen offered them an expression that wasn't quite quizzical even as Eebon retrieved the accessory for her. "...I didn't even say what she did."  
  
Viridi frowned, her tone sour. "Doesn't matter. Whatever it is Ambush did to him, it will be TMI on pure principle. We're not talking about it."  
  
"Ditto that," Missy agreed without hesitation. "And coming from someone with nerves of diamond, that should tell you something."  
  
...  
  
"...Bah, that's something to think about another time. Preferably never." Circe stood up and cleared her throat. "Claire? Madison? The rest of you? Grab your things and let's go home. We're 'repossessing' Maddhouse's limousine, assuming Viridi and Missy didn't total it. Those of you here that work for me? You too. Pack it up."  
  
Surprisingly, while the bridal party was eager to leave, the invited guests were not. "Aw, the fun's over already?" one of them whined. "I was hoping for more music, and we never got to dance (much). Marc and the crab ruined everything."  
  
"This was an unexpected blast," added one of Marc's _former_ employees. "I wouldn't mind doing this some more."  
  
"Amen to that!" hollered the Machamp-lady Callista had fought earlier, having sufficiently recovered in the interim. "More food, more drinks, more fun!"  
  
"Par-ty! Par-ty! Par-ty! Par-ty!" the guests chanted together, fists raised. The remainder of Circe's entourage looked at each other, shrugged, and joined in.  
  
Aldonza and Zapana were both unsure about the whole thing. "Guys, most of the building's nothing but wreckage, the dance floor's a mess, and it's a miracle the ceiling hasn't entirely collapsed yet," the latter pointed out, quelling the chanting. "Not even I encourage partying in these conditions. That would just be moronic."  
  
[The psychotic maid Drew seemed](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yy7NVfkEsvQ) thoughtful for a few seconds before chuckling. "Did you forget who you're talking to, Zaps? We're Circe's maids. When there's a mess..." She reached behind her, pulling out a mop and bucket as big as she was _already filled with soapy water_ and slamming them to the ground next to her. "...we clean it up."  
  
 _"Yeah baby, you know it!"_ her fellow maids hollered as one, pulling out cleaning implements where previously there'd been none, including a battery-powered vacuum cleaner as wide as one of the guest tables. Callista's team of saboteurs (aside from Claire) did a collective double-take, while Circe settled for raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Snow aside, the weather's reasonable. No reason why we can't fix up the area enough to finish the party," added the Machamp-lady, flexing her arms. "Someone rent some dumpsters, and I'll clear some wreckage away!"  
  
"That store over there should have a landline phone or two they can give us access to," another of Marc's entourage suggested, pointing at the building Mini-Lina was located at earlier. The exterior was damaged due to the crab mech's destruction, but it was still in a better state than the rest of the buildings on the block... and more to the point, the wires leading to it were untouched. "We can use them to get things organized."  
  
"You heard the man," Missy ordered her plushies, her manic smile returned. "Dumpsters, card tables and chairs, on the double! And get some portable kitchenettes while you're at it! The fox can't cook without ovens!"  
  
 _"Ma'am, yes ma'am!"_ the plushie force confirmed, deliberately ignoring Missy's refusal to contact her party-loving secretary, and charged off to get things done.  
  
"Phosphora? Grocery run," Viridi declared as she got in contact with her chief lieutenant. "Get them to my current location immediately. Spare no expense. Recruit the turncoat and that little friend of yours if you must!"  
  
 _-"Gotcha!"-_  
  
Zapana held up her hands placatingly, laughing. "Alright, everyone, alright. You win. I'll get the rest of the generators," she said as she hustled off.  
  
"Eh-heh-heh-heh... have I ever said how much I _love_ this place?" Aldonza sniggered, her smile filled with teeth. And since she was part bat-eared fox, that was a _lot_ of them.  
  
"Only once a month on average," Mini-Lina said dryly, reclining in her pocket so that only her head and one arm were still visible. "And shouldn't you be getting something to support that ceiling before it falls?"  
  
"Ooh, right. Thanks for telling me," Aldonza murmured, taking her communicator and opening a channel to the Infinite Defense's task force up in orbit. " _Ready For Freddy,_ this is Admiral Karate. I need you to send an engineering/construction team down here ten minutes ago..."  
  
Mini-Lina blinked at the temporary pillars and newly repaired walls that had suddenly appeared in key areas of the hall, her mind swimming with new information as the timeline was altered. "Almost a decade of living with you freaks, and I'll still never get used to the stuff you do."  
  
"And yet you like us anyway," Aldonza said as she put her communicator away.  
  
"Hey, I never said it was a _bad_ thing."  
  
...  
  
Circe surveyed the hall and those involved in getting it back up to speed. "Claire?" she called. "Are you going to stay and help, or do you want to leave?"  
  
"Well..." Claire thought about it momentarily before sagging. "As fun as it would be to join everyone... I think I'd actually like to go home and rest. Permission to skip tonight's work shift? It's been a stressful day."  
  
"Permission granted," Circe agreed with a nod. "And just so you know... I understand completely why you sided with them, and that you never really betrayed me. I won't hold it against you." She hesitated for a half second before adopting her usual stern visage. "That's as close as you'll get to an apology from me for making you worry, so don't push it."  
  
"You don't have to say anything," Claire answered as she got up to join her. "I know exactly what you mean."  
  
"Before you two go, I'd like to speak to Claire for a moment," Callista interrupted, fishing around in her purse for something. The stone-faced guest who'd asked for an autograph earlier was walking away from her, pleased with himself and the signed poster he was carrying.  
  
Circe nodded. "Don't take too long. I'd prefer to return home by sundown if possible. I have free time in my schedule now, and I want to make the most of it."  
  
Claire agreeably approached Callista. "You need something of me, Miss Metallium?"  
  
Callista winced at the name, but didn't let it color her thoughts. She produced a wad of cash from her purse and handed it over to Claire. "Here you go."  
  
Claire thumbed through the bills, eyes widening as she did the mental math. "Fifty...no, _sixty_ grand?!" She regarded Callista with shock, as did those who didn't know the shopaholic that well. "Wha... what even _is_ all this for?"  
  
"Your account at the Manor, of course."  
  
"But... _why?!"_  
  
["You called me your mother earlier,"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAIIfe7-Awo) Callista reminded her, making her breath catch in her throat. "And thinking about it, you're right. For all that our mindsets are different, you still have most of my traits... some active, some suppressed. I might have been you for a time, but that was solely due to events I couldn't control; you were specifically derived from _me_ , not the other way around. You have my genes and you were created from me, so for all intents and purposes you _are_ my child." She stared down at the floor guiltily. "And me being me, I never paid attention to that. I was always focused on just living my own life. We knew each other, but we didn't really _know_ each other, if you get what I'm trying to say."  
  
It didn't take much for the maid to put two and two together. "So... this means...!"  
  
"That right there is your collective allowance from the time of your creation up until now. You already have a job and a place to live, so I can't do anything to help with that, but I can at least offer you some reimbursement." Callista smiled, the expression looking the slightest bit quirky. "Don't spend it all in one place, alright?"  
  
Claire was starting to tear up by this point. She started to say something, but paused and addressed Circe instead. "Permission to break decorum, my lady?"  
  
Circe waved her off. "As long as you're targeting her, not me, go ahead."  
  
And just like that, everything that made Claire the picture of dignity and elegance disappeared into thin air. _"MOMMY!"_ she squealed joyfully, pulling Callista into a hug. To her credit, the shopaholic didn't try to break away, instead patting Claire's shoulder awkwardly and looking like she wanted to be anyplace but there. Some of the guests applauded, making them blush as they remembered that others were still present, but neither of them let go just yet.  
  
...  
  
"Gag me with a spoon. I don't think that cake slice I stole is going to stay down---GHFF-CHOO?!" Missy tried to say, but was interrupted by a sudden sneeze.  
  
"They're having a moment," Aldonza warned as she lowered her tail from Missy's nose. "Don't ruin it."  
  
...  
  
Next to Circe, Madison blinked as she noticed an unfamiliar detail. "I knew she could make her hair turn black when she was angry, but in the years I've worked with her I've never seen her with _white_ hair," she commented. "Is that something we should worry about, or...?"  
  
Circe tapped her chin in thought. "I doubt it's anything serious, not if it's what I believe it is. It doesn't seem like it will be impacting her work any---"  
  
 **"GROUP HUG!"**  
  
In an eyeblink, Zapana had dashed forward and scooped both mother and child off the ground in a massive hug, beaming happily.  
  
"...On second thought," Circe amended as she watched them struggle in Zapana's hold, an ominous creaking heard all the while, "it probably wouldn't hurt to have her scanned for bone fractures later."  
  
...  
  
"Before you say anything, Ellen," Viridi said softly, ignoring a damaged ceiling tile that finally fell to the ground close by, "yes. I _am_ aware that moments like these are part of nature too."  
  
"...Which part? The familial recognition or the danger of broken ribs?"  
  
"Both."  
  
The two of them watched as Zapana let go of Callista and Claire. The wolf caninoid was grinning unashamedly as her two victims proceeded to chew her out. "...So, I'm assuming there's no chance of you giving _your_ family any hugs in the near future?" Ellen finally asked, a twinge of what could _possibly_ be humor in her voice.  
  
Viridi shook her head, expression completely beatific. "Go soak your head, 'sister'."  
  
"...Taking that as a maybe."  
  
...  
  
Zapana walked away, laughing as she went to set up the generators she'd brought in. Claire gave herself a once-over to make sure everything was still in place before settling down. She turned to Circe, [a new energy in her eyes.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dodfOGOev0) "On second thought, I think I'll stay for the party," she said eagerly. "Want me to bring you anything, my lady?"  
  
 _Oh, for... alright, fine. Why not? I might as well salvage_ _ **something**_ _from this messed-up afternoon, and I'm not going to do that back at the Manor._ "Some beef stroganoff, once Aldonza has it ready," Circe requested. "With two sides, and I don't care what you choose. I'll get my own drink."  
  
As Claire acknowledged the order and walked away to assist with the cleanup, something shuffled close by. Circe 'hmmed' to herself as she saw Callista walk away from the proceedings, stumbling not from any injury but from exhaustion. "Leaving so soon?"  
  
"Kaoru's insisting, so yeah," Callista managed to say as she tapped her communicator, not facing her. "I got enough energy back from the buffet that I'm not going to collapse, but my transformation wiped me out and I need somewhere quiet to think. I'm gonna jump back to the Spamville-verse and hit one of the apartments there... most of 'em have better security than the ones I have here. If you wanna call me, just leave a message. I'm probably gonna be too tired to answer the phone."  
  
"I'm not surprised. You've had just as rough a go of it as I did."  
  
"Hn," Callista grunted as a portal opened next to her. "Sorry to bail and run. I'll return any messages tomorrow." She stepped on through, and the gateway closed behind her.  
  
Circe stayed silent for several seconds as a breeze blew through the rooms. "Callista," she mouthed, her voice so quiet that even Zapana would've needed to concentrate to hear it over the music, "you have nothing to apologize for."  
  
With that she turned away with the intent of finding Ellen. As long as she was going to be here until everyone was done partying, she figured she might as well get caught up on everything that had happened up until the wedding.  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
 _ **TO BE CONCLUDED...**_


	10. Ch. 10: Winding Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the failed wedding. We see what Marc's final fate is, two siblings discuss recent events, and Callista finally closes the door on her past.

_Date/Time:_ [Three days later, mid-afternoon](https://youtu.be/_FrOQC-zEog?t=33)  
  
Beep.  
  
Beep.  
  
 _Mmf... that noise... where's it coming from?_  
  
Beep.  
  
Beep.  
  
He opened his eyes slowly as he got used to the light. At the limits of his vision, he noticed he was hooked up to an IV unit and some assorted machinery. _I remember now,_ he thought. _Ambush Cat attacked me. Wonder who brought me here... which hospital am I in?_  
  
Some nearby chatter got his attention, and he closed his eyes just enough to fool anyone into thinking he was still asleep. Several nurses---one petite, brown-haired and just out of college if he was any judge, and one well-endowed purplette whose stitched flesh was locked in a paradoxically healthy decay---were going about their business in the vicinity of his bed. Their conversation sounded like they'd been talking for a while; not able to do much else at the moment, he focused and listened in.  
  
"...But it's like I told the patient in Room #309. If it walks like a duck but honks like a goose, it's not a duck. If it walks like a pigeon but quacks like a duck, it's not a duck. It's like that Chicken Boo cartoon, you know? No matter how it dresses up or acts like a human, it's always going to be a chicken. That's just lying to oneself and others."  
  
"Yeah, much as I don't like Ambush, I like how he explained his life course. It was something along the lines of... hold on, let me get this set up... okay, I think it was like: 'When I'm a cat, I'm a cat. When I'm human, then I'm human. If I'm male, then I'm male. If I'm female, then I'm female.' Talk about both simple _and_ complex."  
  
"I agree, but it's just complex enough that it soars over a lot of people's heads. I mean, there was a rumor floating around Muffinville for a while that Callista Metallium was just a transgender guy, since she admitted to being born male. Thing is, that rumor was circulated by interdimensional newcomers to the Continent who didn't really know what the term meant and weren't trying to get their facts straight. I had the chance to ask her once, and she said that back when she appeared in Spamville as a mutant male, a goddess gave him the chance to regain his humanity at the cost of a gender-swap and mild personality adjustment."  
  
"If the magic the goddess used is anything like it is around here, I have to assume it was thorough."  
  
"Saying the least there. A complete guy one second, a complete girl the next. It's like she had two X chromosomes her entire life instead of what... just ten, eleven years? I forget the exact number. ...But anyway, if she's to be believed she's never forgotten what it was like to be male, and she was never confused about being something she wasn't either. Simply _being_ human again took priority over everything else, including which side of the fence she was on. Like you just said about Ambush: male when male, female when female."  
  
"You know, I used to wonder why Earth's residents had the most skewed opinions. Not so much anymore..."  
  
A stark realization hit his mind as the nurses babbled on, causing him to open his eyes unconsciously. _Is this what Metallium meant by...?!_  
  
The nurses turned to look at him with a bit of surprise as he tried to move his mouth. "Ah, you're awake!" the mousy brown-haired one greeted him as they walked into the room. "I'm sorry, we shouldn't have been talking so much." She checked her information. "I'm Kelly and she's Asuka, and we'll be your nurses today. So from the information we have here, you're a 'Marcella Emeral'. True age 45 years, physical age 17 years, correct?"  
  
 _No, I'm_ _ **Marc.**_ _Marc_ _ **Maddhouse!**_  
  
"I can't tell what you're trying to say, but I think you're... confirming it?"  
  
 _No! No, no, no! I am not "Marcella", I am Marc._ _ **MARC!**_  
  
"Well, thankfully what we have's accurate so far," Asuka said. "We scanned you when you arrived, so we already know you're Green... and you arrived here with some pretty nasty injuries. Got on the wrong side of either the Shopping Queen or that little furry menace? Don't worry. You're in good hands."  
  
 _...Alright, why aren't words exiting my mouth? Just what did that horror movie reject_ do?  
  
Asuka started working with a nearby computer, grimacing at something. "Unfortunately, do you mind waiting just a few moments before we get down to business? It feels like every computer in this wing's been going absolutely stir-crazy today. Sort of like that whole mess at the North Maddhouse Center this past weekend."  
  
Kelly turned to her in confusion. "'Whole mess'? What are you talking about?"  
  
An irritated sigh escaped the older nurse. "You need to get out more. That semi-psycho sorceress with the magic shop? Rumor has it that Mr. Maddhouse shot her with some kind of hypno-gun of command and got her to fall in love with him by making her drink one of her own love potions."  
  
 _"Hapan_ Gun of Command, Mrs. Asuka. It's _Star Wars."_  
  
"Don't talk to me about _Star Wars,_ please. I'm a Trekkie. What bothers me is that I thought she test-marketed those things once and decided they delved too far into mind control for her tastes. Why did she start selling them again? It makes no sense."  
  
Kelly raised a finger hesitantly. "Um... maybe she found some sort of workaround? Something that would let the customer break free of its effects anytime they wanted?"  
  
Asuka stopped fiddling with the computer and slowly turned to stare at her. After a few seconds of silence she finally dope-slapped herself. "I'm an idiot."  
  
"No, that's just the Yellow in you talking. Your brain's partially dissolved, remember?"  
  
An eye-roll that indicated good-natured exasperation. "Don't remind me. Anyway, it occurs to me that the marriage didn't work out because of that. I mean, one day she's completely uninterested in men, the next she goes gaga over one of the worst people alive, and then not long after she's back to normal like nothing had happened. I completely missed the most obvious solution to it all."  
  
Kelly glanced at the computer and jotted something down. "Wow. Magic, am I right?"  
  
Marc's heart rate monitor began speeding up, the words doing nothing to ease his stress. _My hold on the sorceress broken...!_  
  
"Heh... I'll tell _you_ what's magic, Miss Kelly: Aryu-Madd Tech shutting down completely," Asuka said, frowning in concentration as she worked on something. "That Brotherhood dragon destroyed their communications while that... that..."  
  
"Lightning Flash?" Kelly offered.  
  
"Yes, that, thank you. Anyway _she_ blew up their corporate headquarters and released an entire crate's worth of dirt on the upper echelons. Between that, Agent Echo's investigations and that Hasano kid being quick on the draw, there isn't a single lawyer that wants to defend them in court."  
  
"Yeeahh, that makes me wonder something: just who's 'Agent Echo'?"  
  
Asuka sighed and shook her head. "No one knows anything about him or her, just that they found enough evidence of Maddhouse's attorneys' wrongdoings to potentially put the sharks away for decades. They think the precinct's police chief knows, but so far nothing's been said about their identity. Anyhow, a court date's been set for the middle of March..."  
  
 **/-/-/-/-/-/-/**  
  
 _Location:_ The Harrison residence  
  
Echo sat on the back of the couch, eyes closed and his purrs filling the room. Amber, who'd been dozing on the cushions a few minutes previous, smiled up at him. "Well. Someone's sounding awfully proud of himself."  
  
The cat got up and jumped onto Amber's side, causing her to grunt as he landed. He situated himself on her arm, putting him just close enough to nose her face. With that done he hunkered back down, closing his eyes again.  
  
Amber tiredly reached up the best she could and lightly scratched behind one of Echo's ears, smiling. "Hearing you loud and clear, my little grown-up kitten. I love you too, and I'm proud of what you've done. Thank you for all your help."  
  
As the family television---linked as it was to four different worlds---continued blaring news reports from the Muffinverse, the ongoing purring showed her exactly what Echo thought of his mother's praise.  
  
 **/-/-/-/-/-/-/**  
  
The beeping continued to accelerate as Marc listened to the nurses. _My corporation crumbling within a day...!_  
  
Asuka pulled out a folder and flipped through its contents in search of something. "Alright, enough shop-talking. On to our Miss Emeral... _Geehhh,_ [this whole thing is strange](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttGETmXm2Ao). Whoever this young lady is, her hormones and anatomy have been _drastically_ altered even beyond the usual trademarks for her kind. Take a look at these readings, Kelly. I've never seen anything like this before."  
  
Kelly took a printout from her superior and quickly skimmed it. Her eyes encompassed most of her face, so great was her resulting shock. "...Holy...! That's insane! You're saying she's...!"  
  
"Yes, she's physically incapable of having it anymore. Or enjoying it, for that matter... she'll likely just go through debilitating pain if she even tries. Add that to Green's usual negative effects, and she has all of the drawbacks and _none_ of the benefits. Look at these X-rays: she's going to be experiencing back pain for her entire life... or until her next transformation, whichever ends first. Far as the Color is concerned, she's incapable of living a normal life now. She can still walk alright and keep herself alive, but if she has any sort of job they'd better let her work from home, because she's not going to get anything accomplished otherwise."  
  
The beeping sped up even more to the point where it started to run together. Marc could hear his heart pounding in his ears as he realized something heavy was sitting where it shouldn't be, and the bulky bandaging that protected several large wounds on his legs and neck from the open air. _Everything that was me is...!_  
  
"Speaking of the X-rays, did someone write on the printouts? It looks like there's scribbling on the skull..." Kelly squinted at the writing. "Kind of looks like... 'From Ambush Cat with love, you'll thank me later'?"  
  
Asuka shook her head, entirely disconcerted. "I thought so too, so I took a closer look. The writing's on _the skull itself._ In permanent marker, no less. Perplexing... I didn't see any scarring on the back of her head that would indicate any sort of past surgery, so how did that writing get there?"  
  
The metaphorical final straw landed on the now-adolescent-and- _female_ Marcella's back. With a grating, damaged scream that sharply fell into nothing, her eyes rolled up into her head. She passed out, sinking against her pillow with some foam on the corners of her mouth.  
  
...  
  
Kelly gave her zombie counterpart an amused face. "I think she took that pretty well."  
  
Asuka's beaming eyes shone with approval. "Perfect performance, Miss Kelly. A+ all around. I think you're going to fit in here at St. Dogbert's Hospital just fine."  
  
...  
  
Of course there was more to Marcella's transformation than that, but neither of them was going to bring up the postscript that was scrawled across, around and down her entire spinal cord until she was good and ready: **'Be thankful I'm leaving your mind shielded against Green's corruptive influences, but fair warning: antagonize my family and friends again and it won't just be your** _ **body**_ **that gets permanently rearranged.'**  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
 _Location:_ Circe's Manor, primary workshop, 2nd floor  
  
"Lady Circe? Ookalf's here to see you."  
  
Circe didn't look up as she finished weaving several enchantments into a scarlet-colored ballroom gown. "One moment," she called, hands glowing as they moved this way and that. Magic particles drifted off her fingers with each gesture. "Tell him I'll meet him in the lounge in the Southwest corridor."  
  
"Excuse me. I should have clarified what I meant by 'here'," the maid apologized through the door. "I didn't mean 'at the front gate', I meant 'right next to me'."  
  
 _...$# &%. He means business, doesn't he?_ "Just a second, Penny. Let me get this wrapped up. This is fairly delicate work... ... ...there we go." The glow transferred from her hands into the dress, where it lingered for a few seconds before dwindling to nothing. "Alright, I'm finished with this one," she stated as she hung it up alongside a half-dozen other outfits, making a mental note to have them transferred to her Shop in the morning. "Send him in."  
  
...  
  
Given that it was her personal workspace it wasn't really meant to hold meetings, though in a pinch a few folding chairs would do the trick. Circe selected one for Ookalf and claimed the executive-style chair from her desk for herself. ["Good afternoon,"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=se3yfvqu7_Q) she greeted him as he entered. "I'm assuming you're here about the failed wedding?"  
  
The tanned and fairly muscular young man took the offered seat. "Yeah, I just heard about it. How are you holding up? Callista didn't go too far this time, did she?"  
  
"I'm doing fine, thanks, but why does everyone out of the loop keep assuming I was traumatized due to 'acts of shopaholic'? I thought I made it clear that I was forced into that marriage."  
  
Ookalf wordlessly held up a smartphone, a days-old news article already on it. The photo accompanying it showed Circe stealing Marc's abandoned limousine with an expression that could melt stone, her ex-bridal party in tow. Behind them was nothing but wreckage.  
  
The sorceress sighed and shook her head disgustedly. "Typical Utsuko... always getting the photos without getting all the facts. I was dwelling on all the time wasted just because I was hypnotized and magically drunk by my own merchandise. Regardless of how it looks..." Circe paused, emotions warring on her face for a bit before she looked down to the side, brows furrowed. "I actually owe Callista, Claire and the rest a massive debt for restoring my senses and livelihood. I'm not upset with them. If I'm angry at anyone, it's _Marc._ Whatever Ambush did to him and whatever he turned him into, we've permanently blacklisted him. No entry to the Shop or Eatery, no interactions with me, my staff or Cynth, and _especially_ no access to the Manor grounds. The restraining order being sent tomorrow should hopefully set that in stone."  
  
"...Oh." Ookalf put the phone away. "Well, now I just feel silly."  
  
Circe waved it off. "Don't be. It's not your fault. Any odds of me getting deliberately involved in romantic undertakings are slim to none, and even if I _did_ , I'd prefer my first kiss to be from someone I genuinely cared about. As such, I don't see myself tying the knot anytime soon."  
  
The maid Penny's voice cut in from outside the room. "Um, Lady Circe? Didn't Himitsu _steal_ your first---"  
  
 **"THAT. NEVER. HAPPENED,"** Circe warned, making her voice echo. "And unless you want to see if you can clean every bathroom in the building by day's end, do not bring that debacle up again."  
  
Penny's amused and slightly airheaded laughter showed exactly how much she cared about that particular threat, though thankfully she shut up after that. Ookalf sweatdropped, but was smart enough not to comment.  
  
Circe shut her eyes in annoyance as she forced her temper back in line. "The things I put up with for the sake of my staff..." She opened them back up as something crossed her mind. "...Though on a related note I _did_ include your name on the guest list, so I'm surprised you never RSVP'd. I fully expected you to help Callista's gang on her little crusade."  
  
"I was invited?" Ookalf asked, clearly confused. "I never got any mail to that effect."  
  
Circe idly tapped her chin. "You're positive? I could've sworn..."  
  
"Absolutely. I didn't even know anything had happened until I thought to catch up on the news this morning."  
  
"...Huh." A glance at nothing. "Wonder what happened..."  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
 _The Machamp-lady stared wide-eyed at the invitation in her hand before pumping her fists jubilantly. "I've been invited to a_ _ **wedding!**_ _No one ever invites me to anything! This is awesome!" She crumpled up the envelope and threw it away, completely missing the name and address that indicated that it wasn't intended for her, and called the Manor at the provided number.  
  
...  
  
"Do we know a 'Mandy Martin'?"  
  
"She's a PFL fighter, I think. Did she get an invitation, Willow?"  
  
"She must've. She knew to call this number and tell us she'd be there. We set up that line specifically for this event."  
  
"...Oh. Eh, it checks out."  
  
...  
  
Doris Sturm groaned and slammed her head into her desk when she discovered the gaffe just before the wedding. "I swear, I'm going to have words with that mail-harpy the next time I see her."  
  
"In her defense, maybe you should've provided us with the guest list instead of just saying 'watch this number in case someone calls'? Not like she's the only one at fault."  
  
"Are you __**trying**_ _to see if I can cry, Willow? You are, aren't you?"_  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
Ookalf shook his head. "Well, if we're being honest I have my doubts that I would've been able to make it anyway. The Muffinville 500 was this past weekend, and I was forced to help out..."  
  
Circe glared at him. "Ookalf, that's not really much of an excuse---"  
  
"...as a [race queen."](https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=3001071)  
  
The glare was gone. "---but what do I know? One of these days, I'm going to find out why those transformations keep targeting you specifically."  
  
Ookalf chuckled. "If you ever do, let me know. I'm legit curious. ...But yeah, the transformation didn't wear off until last night, and by then I just wanted to get some sleep. This morning was the earliest opportunity I had to check the news in four days."  
  
Circe checked a nearby clock before straightening in her seat. "Well, I have some time if you want to be updated on how the situation went down..."  
  
"Sounds good. Sure."  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
"...In any event, everything's normal now," Circe finished a half hour later. "With Marc's disappearance, the war between the Brotherhood and Forces of Nature is on again, so no surprises there. Ambush's family is back to their regular lives..." She scowled briefly. "...And if you tell _anyone_ that he recorded my apology to Cynth without me knowing..."  
  
"Wait, he did?"  
  
"...Forget you heard that."  
  
Ookalf made a show of thinking about it. "Okay, but I make no guarantees," he said with a touch of playfulness.  
  
"Ergh... is it too late to go back to when I was actively trying to get everyone to fear me?" Circe tried to sound upset, but her attempt didn't last long. She knew better than anyone that his comment was strictly in jest, and that if he said he wouldn't tell anyone, it was as good as a promise. As such, the best she could manage was a mild frown. "Anyway, Claire's been on an emotional high since Callista legally acknowledged her as her daughter and started keeping in contact with her. Seriously, her hair's been white all this time."  
  
"And that means what?" Ookalf asked, curious.  
  
"In extreme cases, Claire's hair turns either black or white depending on where in the spectrum her emotions lie. Most days she's good at hiding how she feels through a wall of proper manners, but finally having an actual _mother figure_ in her life tipped the scales. I think I heard her singing while she was working yesterday." She shook her head. "Much as I find it annoying, I can't begrudge her any of it. If it lasts for too much longer I'll tell her to rein it in, but for now I'm just going to let her have this."  
  
Ookalf's face was one for the news. "Wait, so _that's_ why someone asked me on my way in if I needed earplugs?"  
  
 _"The halls are alliiive with the sound of music~...!"_  
  
Circe winced as Claire's lackluster singing reached them from the floor below. "She has many positive qualities. Pretending she's Julie Andrews isn't one of them." She cleared her throat as the song thankfully moved away from them. "Anyway... the Infinite Defense donated funds and supplies to the city to replace everything that the alliance destroyed. The new recreation center will be run by the city of Muffinville itself instead of any major corporation, and steps will be taken to transfer all of Maddhouse's other holdings on over until further notice."  
  
Ookalf was silent for a short time as he fully processed everything that he'd been told. "Sounds like _everyone's_ been through a lot. Not just you and Claire either."  
  
"Heh... depends on who you ask. Aldonza, Zapana and Ambush's gang all saw it as just another day at the office, though I get why Amber didn't want Ezekiel along..."  
  
 _ **"27,000 yen for babysitting?! Why am I just now hearing about this?!"**_  
  
 _ **"Hahahahaha~!"**_  
  
"And that would be Konoko's prank coming to fruition," Circe continued without missing a beat as the walls of reality reasserted themselves. "Chaos and humanity-hating are Missy and Viridi's respective hats, so they didn't care. My maids and those of Marc's workers who _didn't_ embarrass themselves trying to fight Ellen took the events in stride... I think I even saw a few of them exchanging phone numbers." She took a sip of water from a glass that Penny had brought in mid-discussion. "Callista... everything hit her pretty hard. I called her yesterday to let her know when I'd next be staying in Spamville, but she seemed rather..."  
  
"Depressed?" Ookalf suggested.  
  
"Not quite depressed... more like borderline melancholic. I can't remember the last time I had a conversation with her that didn't have anything to do with shopping or food."  
  
Ookalf cringed. "Is the planet self-destructing? Should I be looking for another portal?"  
  
"Jumping the gun, are we? ... Though I understand what you're saying," Circe hastily corrected herself. "Annoying as she is, I think I prefer her when she's cutting in front of people at the mall."  
  
"I don't know her as well as you," Ookalf admitted, "but even I think that it's worrisome when she starts being 'normal'."  
  
"That it is, but I can't picture it being too much longer. I'll give her another day or two before she's back to her usual self."  
  
"If you say so..."  
  
"Hn." Circe double-checked the time. "So, you satisfied? I have a few more outfits I'd like to finish before I call it quits for the afternoon."  
  
Ookalf stood up, folding his chair up leaning it against the wall. "Yeah, I think I understand how everything went. Want me to find Utsuko and get her to write a correction to her article?"  
  
Circe shook her head. "Don't bother. I've tried that enough times since the Villain of the Year fiasco to know that it's an exercise in futility. She'll figure things out on her own after the truth becomes more widely known."  
  
A shrug and a smile. "Seems fair. See you around and take care, okay? Talk to you again some other time when Muffinville isn't happening."  
  
Circe nodded respectfully. "I will. Same to you."  
  
With that said, Ookalf double-checked his gear to assure himself that he wasn't forgetting anything. After making sure everything was still in his possession, he took a few steps towards the exit---  
  
"Ookalf? One more thing."  
  
The wolf-raised biker hero paused at the door and waited for Circe to gather her thoughts. When she finally spoke, there was a degree of hesitance and awkwardness in her tone. "I know I've said before that I appreciate you giving me space to live my own life, but... thanks for at least coming by to check on me. You... didn't have to. I know how busy you can get sometimes."  
  
Ookalf waved over his shoulder, not turning around. "After everything that happened, what else was I going to do? We _are_ family, right?"  
  
...  
  
...  
  
Circe listened to his footsteps as they faded, remaining where she was long after she'd shut the door behind him. A few minutes later the distant howl of a motorcycle reverberated back to her, and only then did she allow herself the ghost of a contented smile. "Yes. Yes we are," she said to the air as she returned to her desk, taking her chair with her.  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/  
  
 _ **Location:**_ Unknown and unaffiliated universe, somewhere in Denver, Colorado  
  
 _It's almost hard to believe that this is only the second time I've ever visited a cemetery._  
  
[It had been twelve years.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RG8wdgZlXn0) This was the world where Callista's life was changed forever, and not always to the good. Right here in this city, a man somewhat prettier in the face than 'Maddy', as Zapana persisted in calling him, but just as ugly in the heart had driven Callista over the edge, leading her to vent her pain to the embodiment of bliss herself.  
  
What a lot of people either forgot or refused to acknowledge was that there was more to Callista than the shopping, the obnoxiousness, the prudishness, and the zest for life. Even discounting the presence of Kaoru and the Copycats, there was a lot going on in her mind. Such thinking only amplified itself after her consumption of one of Raleigh's potions made it clear just how powerful one's brain could really be, especially in environments like the Villes'. When she wasn't relaxing, planning her next raid or otherwise enjoying herself, she would think; and after the events at the failed wedding ran their course, she had reached an epiphany.  
  
Before her feet was a small, slightly weathered tombstone. The two dates on it indicated that the person buried here was 33 years old when he died in the winter of 2008. The news had reported that an escaped convict was sighted fleeing from a Cracker Barrel restaurant one evening, only to be found mauled almost beyond recognition by a pack of wild animals outside of Denver. Only those who were part of the mission to this world---including Raleigh, who knew _exactly_ how the convict met his end---knew the full truth behind what had happened that evening.  
  
As for _who_ it was buried here...  
  
"Make no question about it. I've always hated you," Callista said to nothing at all, knowing that she would never receive an answer but continuing to speak. Talking like this made her feel better, anyway. "But recently after speaking with my close friends and family, fighting against your counterpart... it's made me wonder what could have turned you into the monster I faced. What were you like when you were younger? Were you ever a decent kid? What could have led you down that insidious path towards something you could never take back? What was going through your mind when you faced death at the hands of forces you could never hope to understand? ...Did you ever experience any sort of regret for what you did?"  
  
Callista kept one hand on her hood as the mountain winds attempted to yank it off her coat, waiting for them to die down before she continued speaking. "I don't know how much it matters now. I've always hated you, I probably always will, and there's no real way to have those questions answered. But in the end, I feel like I'm finally able to move on to an extent. I can't guarantee that I won't pick up new scars somewhere along the way, but... at least what _you_ did doesn't have a stranglehold on my life anymore. In a roundabout way, I have you to thank for that."  
  
She reached into her coat, withdrawing a flower bouquet and placing it in front of the tombstone. "Good-bye, Marc Maddhouse. May your eternal sleep be forever pain-free," she murmured. "And if I never hear about you again, that would make me incredibly happy."  
  
Callista stepped away from the grave and sipped from a bottle of Dr. Pepper, staring out at nothing. After a short while she reached into her hood and tapped a clip nestled in her hair. "My business is done here, Captain. Take me back to Spamville, please. ... Oh, and before I forget: initiate Barricade procedures for anyone not a Kittenoan. ...Yes, that includes me. My homeworld's going nuts no thanks to that virus, and until it stops I don't want to be caught in the middle of it." She paused, grinning. "Yeah, I'm _so_ eating out. You have any idea how many Big Bufords I could gorge on right now?..."  
  
A portal opened next to Callista, and she stepped sideways into it. For a split second as she did so, her shadow seemed to twist into the shape of a snarling cat ready to pounce. Her old namesake, and a part of her life that she intended to hold onto for as long as she lived...  
  
The portal closed behind her, leaving her past where it belonged.  
  
[ _ **THE END**_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85Sc4m6L1mQ)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's one more "chapter", if you want to call it that, with a collection of notes on the story and some background on its setting. If you're inclined to make any comments---and that's a big 'if'---please wait until you've read through the notes before doing so. Thank you.


	11. Background Notes and References

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read on. It's self-explanatory.

Finally, some context! ...Though note that I said _some._

_**DISCLAIMER** _

Since _Zero Context: Taking Out the Trash_ was based in a role-playing setting, it's only natural that some of the characters that appeared weren't mine. Circe and Ookalf, Raleigh, and Konoko and Ritsu Hasano are the property of their respective creators and were used with permission. Several minor characters (the maids Mandy--- _ **Madison,**_ excuse me---and Penny) were _not_ used with permission, but their creator was still okay with me including them anyway.

Himitsu, who didn't appear but was at least mentioned a few times, was used without permission on account of me not knowing how to get a hold of his creator; ditto for Bliss, whose creator vanished from the Internet outright a while back. The Brotherhood organization is not mine, but is the collective property of a bunch of twisted minds from the Villes' early years (far as I'm concerned, Missy and Bahija are mere shadows of the real deal). The Pokémorph Fighting League, too, belongs to someone else entirely and was used without his say-so.

Viridi, Phosphora and the Forces of Nature are from the video game _Kid Icarus: Uprising_ , Lina Inverse (seen in-story as the figurine Mini-Lina) is from the _Slayers_ franchise, and Kaoru Matsubara is from the Powerpuff Girls Z anime; it goes without saying that they were used without permission. The plushie of Zelas Metallium that cameoed towards the end of the big fight is a thoroughly mangled facsimile of the original, and while Zelas herself was used without permission, I got permission from Himitsu's creator to use that iteration of her in stuff years ago. Himitsu himself is a more insane version of Xellos. Swift, Shiver and Vacuum are quite obviously Pokémon, and while the characters are mine, the concept of Pokémon as a group is not. Utsuko, mentioned in the final chapter, is (for all intents and purposes) a fusion of Utsuho Reiuji and Aya Shameimaru; both characters are from the _Touhou Project._ Derpy Hooves, who cameoed in the first chapter, is from _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic._

All other characters that appear, from Callista and Ambush on down to Marc(ella) Maddhouse, are mine without any sort of catch whatsoever.

Hopefully that's everything.

_**THE VILLES** _

Spamville and Muffinville were the names of freeform role-playing subforums that, while not _quite_ dead---more like on life support than anything else, given how empty they are now---have fallen by the wayside and served their purpose years ago. But hey; dead or not they're still breeding grounds for stories, and I've written a few of them.

Spamville was situated at The Temple of Ranma's Senshi Seifuku, otherwise known as Fukufics. The website's focus was on _Ranma_ 1/2 + _Sailor Moon_ crossovers that had Ranma Saotome becoming one of the Sailor Senshi in some fashion or another. To-wit, Jusenkyo curses, magic and general mayhem were the order of the day. I joined Fukufics in 2007 out of boredom following a cross-country move, having discovered the site the year before when someone there recommended one of my fanfics for reading (yeah, try to wrap your head around _that_ ), and I began participating in Spamville after about a month. By then the bulk of the heavy-hitting events in the timeline had taken place; there's a great deal of history there that I never had the chance to see, including at least one war. My namesake Curtis Wildcat, and later Callista, was my main once I joined.

Muffinville was based at Magical Sailor Fuku, Fukufics' sister site. The focus of MSF was on transformations in general, be they scientific or magical; you name it, they probably dealt with it in some fashion. The place was still fairly busy when I joined in 2008 (again, out of boredom). Muffinville was... rather messed up, if you want my honest opinion, and it was only after browsing through its Codex and Archives that I realized just how much of it goes against my moral code. At the very least it was something to do, and I was able to work the system to my advantage by utilizing the chaotic Ambush Cat---who only let himself be transformed if he personally found it funny---as my main.

_**THE COLORS** _

Color Energy is a concept native to Muffinville. This type of magic is capable of inducing transformations in people, animals, or---very rarely---inanimate objects in high enough amounts. As the name indicates, the type of transformation is indicated by the Color of the magic in question. Colors could be reproduced scientifically, be an inherent aspect of custom-grown fruits, or pop up randomly in nature; my character Swift the Umbreon received his human form after being caught in a thunderstorm, for example. Specific areas known as Shards were chock-full of the stuff. The transformations are female-centric by default, though some of them _could_ be modified to turn the targets into men instead by adding 'bishie sparkles'. I'm not making this up.

The Colors are just plain strange, seeing as how they span the entire ratings system. For example, Green energy---which Ambush used to transform Marc into Marcella---I would place squarely in the "M" category: it would turn its targets into over-endowed, scantily-clad bimbos obsessed with men, sharply reducing their I.Q. in the process. Yeah... anyone doubting why Ambush said he blocked the mental aspects of the Color? My least favorite of the bunch by far, and during my time at MSF I avoided it like the plague. Standards, yo.

There are a few other Colors that are referenced in the story, so I'll give a quick summary of them:

Violet energy I'd consider "K" or "K+", as it doesn't do much aside from rendering the recipient a good-natured, bubbly and mostly-complete idiot. Think Billy from "The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy", only not as gross. Aldonza faked having this Color in order for Marc to accept having her as his wedding's caterer.

Orange energy would be "T", borderline "M". Anyone hit with this energy becomes yandere-ish, violent and aggressive, as seen with Drew and Circe's behavior after the wedding was attacked. Fun fact: this color was actually _banned_ at MSF due to those tendencies.

Blue energy is another one that I'd probably label "M", as it's right up there with Green as one of the Colors I hate. These turn those targeted into themed, pose-happy, over-endowed lesbians. The sheep-girl Bahija, whose birth form is that of a dragon, takes this Color and runs with it; Circe has this as well, which counteracts the worst of her Orange magic (and vice-versa) and keeps her more or less stable.

(Am I prudish? Yes. Am I conservative in my morals? Yes. Am I proud of it? Oh-ho-ho, _absolutely_. Talking about this any further would detract from the content, serve as too much of a time-waster and would probably get everyone involved in the discussion angry, so let's just leave it at that and move on, shall we?)

Yellow energy spans the "K+" to "T" spectrum depending on the depiction. As to why, well... it turns people into zombies, which by definition are never pretty. The nurse Asuka in the final chapter has this, as among other things she's described as being in a state of "paradoxically healthy decay".

Black energy delves into the "evil and monstrous" side of things, and to the best of my knowledge this was never explored too much at MSF. Personally, I'd give it a "T" rating at best. Doris Sturm from Chapter 3 has some of this, though it wasn't stated outright, and it takes some work to keep it in check; were she someone of lesser will, she would've attacked Claire on the spot.

One thing I'd like to point out is that certain Colors can be balanced with other Colors, as stated above with Circe posessing both Blue and Orange. Others, not so much: combining Yellow and Violet results in an anti-matter effect, complete with a large explosion. Not pretty.

_**VISUAL BASIS** _

As members of role-playing forums whose artwork is lackluster (I can't speak for everyone, keep in mind), most of us tended to visually base our more original characters on images of pre-existing media. Here's a more or less complete list of those in the story who follow that trend.

Callista Metallium's human form is a match for Tomo Takino from "Azumanga Daioh". The " _wildcat_ high-school girl", get it? I didn't know that back when I was searching for a suitable pick in 2007, so selecting Tomo was just a coincidence.

Missy Coco Shanelle (yes, the mis-spelling is accidental) is Ai Haibara from "Detective Conan" in a snazzy suit. She's also named after one of my mom's cats, who in turn was named after the late Coco Chanel, but that's another topic.

Claire de Loon's default appearance is seen [here.](https://imagizer.imageshack.com/img922/5687/3r7mo9.jpg) I don't know if the maid seen is meant to be anyone in particular or not.

Circe was visually based on a character from a Japanese X-rated visual novel, something that neither I nor Circe's creator were aware of when that visage was chosen circa 2008. The less said about that the better, so please don't ask me to supply any images. Thank you.

Raleigh's default appearance is that of Kuroudo Akabane from "Get Backers", while Rei-chan is essentially Sakura Kinomoto from "Cardcaptor Sakura" with added features.

Bahija as a sheep-girl is based on [this image](https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=2215903). As the dragon-girl Acutus, she's based on Linthia from "Puzzle & Dragons" with a slightly modified color scheme.

Bliss is Xiaomu from "Namco x Capcom", etc. with an extra tail where tails normally are (as opposed to her hair, which are actually _supposed_ to be tails).

Swift's human form---the one that doesn't reflect his disguise as Marc's best man---is based on [this](https://www.deviantart.com/xceliex2000/art/Umbreon-37828913) (understand why he had to give clarification?). Likewise, Shiver's solid illusion is more or less a ringer for [this.](https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=888224)

_And as for those who had custom artwork available:_

Callista's hybrid form had an illustration provided in Chapter Eight, but to those who either missed the link or who prefer a more simplistic design, [here you go.](https://imagizer.imageshack.com/img924/2091/XWc3Pz.png)

[Aldonza](https://www.deviantart.com/frostthehobidon/art/COM-Aldonza-Karate-829684508) and [Zapana](https://www.deviantart.com/frostthehobidon/art/Commission-CurtisWildcat-846614152) were created during the peak of the Sega Genesis' popularity, so they number among my oldest characters. As such, while they aren't directly based on anyone, they still draw visual inspiration from the "Sonic the Hedgehog" franchise. No conjoined eyes, though. Also, the linked artwork of Zapana is based on her younger self; her adult self as seen in the story has entirely black fur.

[Ambush Cat and Amber Harrison](https://imagizer.imageshack.com/img924/7789/LxL6kS.jpg) are among the handful in the story who are: #1, wholly original, and #2, aren't visually influenced by pre-existing materials. It could be argued that the gemstone in Ambush's forehead draws comparisons to Ryo-ohki from "Tenchi Muyo!", but in-universe that was just due to a massive meal he had at one point.

[Konoko Hasano](https://imagizer.imageshack.com/img199/9513/j4o.JPG) is what happens when you take a Gardevoir and make it more human-esque than it already is. By comparison, [Ritsu](https://www.deviantart.com/usaritsu/art/A-Thinking-Genius-629065618)\---were-rabbit status and squirrel teeth notwithstanding---joins Ambush and Amber as being entirely original.

Personality-wise, Ellen Harrison is a fusion of Maud Pie and R. Dorothy Wainwright with a dash of Yomiko Readman. [Visually,](https://www.deviantart.com/seigyokuprincess/art/Ellen-Harrison-COMMISSION-714019384) not so much.

Ambush's [Shadow Gang](https://www.deviantart.com/judaime/art/CurtisWildCat-Commission-417577978) doesn't have anything to set them apart from other Pokémon of their species.

_**CHAPTER NOTES** _

**Chaper 1**

I don't have any idea just how big the city of Muffinville truly is. Considering how much happened there before I got there, 1,000 square miles could just be a conservative measurement at best.

The story doesn't touch on this, but Kaoru got stuck in Callista's brain due to an incident early in my time at Spamville involving Himitsu, a replica of Buttercup's transformation belt, an apartment burglary, and a stray Phoenix Down. I'll leave that to your imagination.

I should have been more specific as to Zapana's ringtone. It wasn't just any techno: it was Eurobeats. Her music of choice was "Night of Fire".

The video game character Aldonza quoted during the meeting was Xel'otath from _Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem._ Not for the faint of heart, that one.

**Chapter 3**

Callista's home Earth is basically the same as ours unless otherwise noted.

The "freeze gun incident" refers to an event in Aldonza and Zapana's past that led to them burying the hatchet and becoming honest-to-goodness friends. Prior to it, they were constantly at odds against each other despite them being on the same side for around a decade.

Claire's preference for the Backstreet Boys over NSYNC reflects my own tastes in music a little. There was a certain Minnesota-based kids radio station I listened to extensively while I was growing up, and they had a number of songs from the former as part of their playlist. For some reason, NSYNC just never did appeal to me as much.

**Chapter 4**

...Now I'm curious as to what a dream involving a tap-dancing graphic calculator would look like.

I have to wonder if the people who act (or acted, depending on how far into the future you're reading this) incredibly stubborn in regards to Covid-related health guidelines ever bothered to read up on the Spanish Flu. I imagine they probably didn't; after all, those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it, as the saying goes.

Raise your hand if you knew that handheld Oregon Trail games were a thing. A couple years ago, _I_ certainly didn't.

The topaz ring Callista was wearing is actually a fully-functioning taser. In later chapters I forgot she had it, though it wouldn't have really done much against Marc.

It was winter, and the weather was cold. Missy was riding a _dinosaur_ around. I blame the laser cannon on its head.

The North Maddhouse Recreation Center #2 is _very_ loosely based on a similar establishment I visited multiple times while I was growing up. Due to me living halfway across the country I haven't been there since 2005-06 or thereabouts, so my memory as to what the place looked like is incredibly murky. I remember the conference rooms on the west side since that was where all the events I attended (receptions and such) were located, but that's it. See the basic map below.

The obscene gesture (if you're outside the USA) and "Pod People" both refer to one of Mystery Science Theater 3000's early episodes. Search around a bit for more info if you're curious.

Yes, that was a DBZ Abridged reference at the end. _Moving on._

**Chapter 5**

I've been typing almost all my life, but the best I've ever been able to manage over a prolonged period is 100 WPM. Reportedly my oldest sister was able to hit 120 WPM, and I can only imagine how she was able to accomplish that. Considering that Ritsu's own typing speed is absolutely _blistering,_ I'm the slightest bit envious. But only the slightest bit; 100's still nothing to be ashamed of.

Why yes, I _did_ grow up a Detroit Pistons fan, why do you ask? I like basketball, and I grew up in Dearborn Heights, Michigan. What more can I say?

And yes, I'm aware that the root beer bomb should've done a lot more than just destroy the wall. Remember what Aldonza said previously about Kittenoan disregard for physics? And remember what _I_ had stated about Muffinville being entirely messed up? Examples of both. Yes, it's a cop-out, but that's only if you're operating by strictly _human_ standards.

I don't know what frightens me more: Ellen's behavior in this chapter, or the fact that I actually _wrote_ her doing these things.

Viridi didn't have any actual attacks of her own in her source game unless you count her Reset Bombs, so I gave her Bouldara to match Missy's Mega Brand. Artistic license.

**Chapter 6**

Pepsi Man's very existence makes me laugh. Hopefully I don't need to explain why.

**Chapter 7**

Admittedly I'm not the biggest fan of Red Vs. Blue (or most of Rooster Teeth's work, for that matter). Season 13's final episode is a tough one to disregard outright, though.

I have no idea if there's a real "McTrevor Moonshine". It's not based on anything I _thought_ was real. Let's put it that way.

Sing it with me now: "I fell into a burning ring of fire..."

**Chapter 8**

Different authors have different ideas of what the inside of a person's mind would probably look like. This one's just one of mine.

This chapter's probably the biggest reason why I gave the story an 'M' rating. I'm torn between using Callista's backstory as justification for it, feeling sick for giving her that character development back in 2008 in the first place, and wishing that I'd never created Mr. Maddhouse at all.

Glacial Buttercup's appearance is supposed to be a cross between her standard transformation and the Fairy Leviathan costume she donned beforehand. Her weapon is a fusion of her regular hammer and the Frost Javelin.

The name of Marc's Armor's AI, Nick Danger, is a reference to an old version of the video game Hack (the precursor to Nethack) that my family had in the late 80's. N.D. was the player's name by default, so I had to enter an extra parameter at the DOS prompt if I wanted to name him something else.

I didn't mind too much when Bliss's creator disappeared from Fukufics. Life doesn't stop moving for anyone, after all, so after a year or so without any sign of her I accepted that she wouldn't likely be back and didn't give it another thought. On the in-universe hand, Callista was too emotionally effected by the absence of someone she saw as a sister. Thus, this story became an excuse to round out her character development and allow her to move on.

Just in case the narration didn't quite make it clear enough, the destruction of Marc's armor was a case of the Kenshiro Effect. Callista's Quantum Cutters had already shredded it by the first time she said "It's over", hence why Marc's attempt to use the Neutron Shatter again unexpectedly failed. When he tried to fly at her, the armor lost any cohesion it still had.

**Chapter 9**

Observant readers will note that Mini-Lina's take on the Ragna Blade isn't the same as the real deal. I'm not likely to delve too deeply into that topic in the future, so I'll just explain it right now. Back when she was created, the request was made to have her call on the power of a specific iteration of the Lord of Nightmares instead of the canon one that viewers of "Slayers" are familiar with. Hence the altered chants for the Ragna Blade and Giga Slave.

Mini-Lina's taunt regarding Commando Bombs is a reference to "Mega Man 10". One of the Wily Fortress bosses in that game was a crab mech weak to the weapon in question.

St. Dogbert's Hospital is a reference to an alias Dogbert used a few times in the "Dilbert" comics, which had him don a silly hat and carry a scepter in order to purge "the demons of stupidity" from people. In the Muffinverse, the hospital exists to treat people who were victims of their own Colors, victims of Callista's overly violent sense of morality, or both.

**Chapter 10**

I'm not going to lie and say that I'm any real fan of certain practices that people refer to as "alternative lifestyles". However, the last time I _dared_ to give even a _glimpse_ of my beliefs on the topic, the person I was talking to misinterpreted my words and decided that blasting me verbally was a good idea. As such, my goal for this chapter was to try and clear the air surrounding Callista's origins (the "born as a guy, self-identify as a girl" line she directed to Marc in Chapter 8) in a way that doesn't have people seeing me as an inconsiderate idiot (I'm an idiot, yes, just not inconsiderate) or otherwise gets them overly worked up. Whether I actually succeeded in that venture is up to you readers.

Ambush Cat is one of those characters who, like the Hulk, you wouldn't want to see angry. Just in case what he did to Marc(ella) didn't demonstrate that enough.

Also, one thing I wanted to point out real quick before I forget: Ambush Cat wasn't intended as any sort of allusion to DC Comics' own Ambush Bug. I didn't know that Bug existed until well after TV Tropes came about, whereas I created Cat circa 1995. The few comics I got my hands on during the 90s, with one or two exceptions, were all Marvel-centric.

What happened during the "Villain of the Year fiasco", you might ask? Where's the fun in explaining that? Let your imaginations run wild. >^_^<

If any music links are broken---and I'm thinking specifically of the one at the end of Chapter 10, considering how often the original song was getting blocked on YouTube---search for them online if you want a listen. Let the alt-text guide you.

_**IN CLOSING** _

The idea of expanding "Zero Context" into a full series appeals to me, but honestly the desire to write comes and goes nowadays. This would have been so much easier if I was college-aged and still had the mental energy to spare, but as I edge towards my late 30s, my mind has been getting increasingly flaky. I'm feeling increasingly tired, apathetic towards things I'd once enjoyed, distracted by video games and YouTube, outright cynical no thanks to peoples' antics and an autoimmune illness, and needing to help look after my aging parents (and their cats) in addition to walking to and from a full-time job (and that's without getting into the utter disaster caused by the pandemic). With each passing year there's less and less space in the tank, and eventually I'll need to give something up in order to make room.

...Eh, I'll figure something out when the time comes.

If you enjoyed what I wrote whether it made sense or not, feel free to leave a comment. Knowing that I was able to put an honest smile on people's faces is one of the few things left in life that still gives me joy.

Well, that's it from me. Ciao mein everyone, and stay safe and sane out there. We're not out of the woods with Covid-19 just yet.


End file.
